This is a paid political announcement and does not reflect the editorial position or implied endorsement of any political candidate even if TUBULARSOCK is by far the best and most qualified candidate running for President of the United States of America in 2016.
The following is a paid political message:
Tubularsock 
Tube, I know this is going to sting, but I am now backing Vladimir Putin for president. I figure if CANADIAN Ted Cruz can run for president, I can launch a campaign for Vladimir Putin. He is even more popular than our current piece of shit and any contenders for the throne, uh..I mean for the presidency!
But, you are my 2nd choice, if that means anything! LOL! I’m sure you’ll be a ‘good sport’ about my fickleness!
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Wow. STING, WTF Shelby! Would it help if Tubularsock removed his shirt like Vlad? Tubularsock can lift some weights too! This is Tubularsock’s first political setback. Next you’ll want to see my deleted emails to Hillary!
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ROTFLMAO! Well that IS an exciting prospect! I’ve seen you in many ‘getups’ but never shirtless. It just might swing me back in your direction. You could call me the ‘swing vote’! LMAO!! And about those emails, if it’ll help my candidate, turn ’em over. Give me the ‘goods’!
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Tubularsock will discuss the possibility of “shirtless” with his political strategist. After all, EVERY vote counts! As for the emails Tubularsock deleted them to protect Hillary’s privacy.
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Shelby, although I understand that Putin is a ripe, Georgia peach in comparison to Neo-Nero, how can you put the splendor that is my Capitan, my Tubularsock, my el presidente elect, second to this almost unknown vodka-swigging weight lifter?
I am shocked beyond words! Besides, I live in Ohio, and these numb-skulls, here, will get Vlad mixed up with Put in Bay on Lake Erie. They’ll ‘think’ they’re voting for where they dock their boats, and go, “How can a marina run the country?!” And then they’ll end up voting for either “Monica was sexier than me” Hillary, or “I’m not as stupid as my brother, George” Jeb, or one of these other lame assholes!
Reconsider! Please!
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Shelby, listen to sojourner …….. he knows what he is talking about!
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Sojourner, I have reconsidered and I am back onboard! I must of fell down, bumped my head and knocked some cells around! I’ve come to my senses! There IS only ONE man for the J-O-B and that is, soon to be’ el presidente Tubularsock!
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Sometimes “sleeper” cells come to their senses. Thanks Shelby!
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Yes indeed, we want full disclosure here from our exceptional Tubularsock! … Or do I mean full exposure? Mmm, possibly not. A candidate with nothing to hide? That’s so un-American we’d never trust it. The ** SEMBLANCE ** of honesty is about all we’ll go for these days.
Which is too bad — topless candidates would make for a more interesting election cycle. – Linda
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“topless candidates would make for a more interesting election cycle.”
LMAO! I agree!! Take it off! Take it off!
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As our Puritan forefathers have always said, cover it all up! However depending on the candidate the possible interesting “parts” would differ.
So in the debate between “topless” vs. “bottomless” Tubularsock can only say (a la Bill Clinton) meet me in the vestibule.
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Keep it on! Keep it on! My Capitan!
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Tubularsock does not have anything to hide from the American people and feels transparence is the backbone of our American way of life. As your President Tubularsock will work closely with the NSA and review each and every citizen’s file to be sure that YOU don’t have anything to hide. Because as you know so well Linda, if you have nothing to hide why would you care if the NSA reads all your stuff?
That is not to say that Tubularsock, as your President, doesn’t care for the Bill of Rights of our great Nation. Far from it! But after 9/11 we have all discovered that there are terrorists behind EVERY hedge in suburbia and therefore in order to PROTECT YOUR RIGHTS the NSA has to review every American’s grocery list in search of possible bomb making materials. Tubularsock, as you President, will not allow another 9/11 on our soil and will protect each and every American.
even if you’ll be marched off to selective camps for your protection!As for honesty, Tubularsock like Washington before him will NEVER cut down a cherry tree!
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“if you have nothing to hide why would you care if the NSA reads all your stuff?”
Tubularsock, That’s easy for you to say — you have a crack speechwriter and PR/campaign team all working hard on your behalf! Me, I write my own shit … and it shows. It’d be damned embarrassing to get nailed as a subversive when I don’t even have a decent prose style — hell, I only manage subject-verb agreement on my rare good days.
But as a more-or-less devout druid, I am happy to hear the cherry trees are safe. So here’s to our next president — he’s not only exceptional, but environmentally correct!
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Linda, count your lucky stars ……. in politics agreement within the “subject-verb agreement” can not muster agreement!
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Hillary topless! Yikes! Would you care to reconsider?;-)
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“Hillary topless! Yikes! Would you care to reconsider?…”
Sojourner – Okay, good point — this campaign will get plenty ugly without that! I’m perfectly willing to make a reasonable compromise in the interests of peace and justice (not to mention keeping my lunch down) … so, how about a swimsuit competition instead? I think we could forget lame miss-congeniality prizes though — american politics ain’t no place for ladies, or gentlemen either.
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Full disclosure 2016!
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Tubularsock can always tell the liberals!
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What’s to disclose? Tubularsock is transparent in every way possible!
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agreed!
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That is TOO funny!
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Love the pointy hair stickin’ out the top of the hat! So on second thought, the hair should become like a visual mantra for the campaign!
Great, we have the Russian vote! That ought to be good for two or three, or at least Putin’s! Now we need to go after the Iraqi, Iranian and Afghan vote, since they, like the Russians, would love to see you, my Capitan, as the next man in the oval office! After all, these folks know the true evil of this current government better than any Merican does!
It’s those damn tea-baggers we gotta figure out a ‘final solution’ for. Get rid of them ‘cross-bearing’, god fearin’, “USA” shoutin’ assholes, and I think were in like Flynn! Maybe we could create FEMA old-folks homes, and stick ’em in there. Throw ’em some diapers, a few old Ronnie Reagan films, like ‘Gonzo goes to wherever’, and of course, a laxative and some Viagra, and they’ll be set!
I’m thinking, my Capitan, can you smell the wood burning?
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Tubularsock is working with his political strategist right now to bring in the Arab/Afghan vote and incorporate them with the tea-baggers. Arabs are big tea drinkers after all. Slow down the thinking to a slow burn and preserve fuel we’ll need it for later in the campaign. Thanks sojourner.
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I.I. F said,
“so, how about a swimsuit competition instead? I think we could forget lame miss-congeniality prizes though — american politics ain’t no place for ladies, or gentlemen either.”
Yes, perhaps, as long as there are no string bikinis for either gender. And with the candidates we have, this is still more than a disturbing picture, which I’m trying hard to get out of my mind’s eye! I mean, if Jennifer Aniston, or the like, were running, then I would have no complaints, period. But Hillary, Jeb, and even our own candidate, in swimsuits, although passable, would still not be something most voters would want to be assaulted with!
I don’t know? I think Tube would make a great miss-congeniality! My Capitan is very cordial, especially when it comes to government piglet types! Don’t ya think?
How about college mascot suits, instead? We could dress Hillary in a Brutus Buckeye suit, so when she walked into a room, people would shout, “Get that nut out of here!” Or how about Jeb in an Oregon duck suit, so people could shout, “Get Jeb out of here, he’s quacking up!”
Sorry, just a suggestion. I’m an Ohio State grad!
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“listen to sojourner …….. he knows what he is talking about!”
Like in animal house, “Flounder, listen to Bluto, he’s in pre-med!”
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Oh Sojourner — as a fellow OSU grad (oh yeah, I got PLENTY of shameful shit in my past to hide!) I wince enough as it is over endless buckeye bullshit. Can’t we suit up la clinton as a wolverine instead? And what was I thinking — of course our revered tubularsock would be a perfect er, mr. congeniality! He even puts up with me tromping all over his comments section most graciously! On second thought, he may actually be too good to be president.
But I digress. So … mascots it is, at ten paces. – Linda
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Linda,
My fellow buckeye! Okay, all together, “Uhhh, Guh Bucksss!”
“Wolverines?” Blasphemy!;-)
Although Maze and Blue might dress Hillary up a bit, unfortunately, Michigan doesn’t have a mascot. They’re too cool, I guess!
Yes, mascots at ten paces! It will bring a new energy to presidential campaigning, as does our man, Tubularsock!
I wonder which mascot Tube will choose? Being in Oakland, I would imagine he’ll want to wear the Stanford Cardinal mascot outfit, which just happens to be, as you know, the state bird of Ohio?
It’s all so copacetic, don’t ya think?
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Oh sojourner, a Cardinal? Much too religious for Tubularsock. Rather for the birds for sure. No, Tubularsock is in flight in a different orbit.
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Linda, Tubularsock may be too good to be President but sometimes one has to start at the bottom in America and lift oneself up by the bootstraps!
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Pure serendipity, sojourner. But I don’t know — we americans are more into predatory birds, eagles, drones, buzzards and such. So maybe our candidate could be a california condor?
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Yes, a cardinal, the bird, not priest variety (for Tube), may be too passive, too peaceful for he war mongers, ooops, I meant citizens!
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On second thought … condors are still ‘critically endangered’ so it might not be a propitious image for a winning campaign. Sorry!
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Linda …….. ‘critically endangered’ ….. good thinking, maybe pick up the loose sympathy vote! Tubularsock needs every angle we can come up with! Hillary is spending up to 2 billion bucks!
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Too late, beat you to it, my Capitan!
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You know Tubularsock too well …..
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No endangered species. If we’re going to use an endangered species as a mascot, then just use me!
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