Tubularsock

OBAMA EMAIL HACKED!

Tubularsock was hacking into the NSA cafeteria menu today and causing dietary heartburn. It was a small cyber hack but just enough not to be noticed.

Tubularsock has an entire sector in his underground bunker overlooking Washington, D.C. from Oakland, CA that deals with hack, hack, hacking!

Now, Tubularsock has even developed how to pass the blame off onto the Russians or the Chinese or even the North Koreans. Really it’s easy.

Now, it’s best not to take credit for a hack because the U.S. has a new law that allows the U.S. military to bomb you if you are found to have disrupted our precious motherland, ahh, fatherland or is that homeland? Tubularsock just can’t keep those Nazi word speak statements straight.

Anyway Obama signed an executive order to protect us from the evil that is sneaking into every computer on every lap in every cafe in the United States of America! Thank be it to GOD, or is it Goggle or maybe Mac. Ok, something where an Apple’s involved!

Anyway thank’s to them.

You remember back when the 2015 State of the Union Address was delivered Step-An-Fetch-It said that Congress must do something about Cyber Crime. Well way back on February 12, 2013 Step-An-Fetch-It had issued Executive Order #13636 which had set the Cyber ball rolling.

The first thing it did was to “. . . protect the country’s critical infrastructure” from cyber attack. You know the infrastructure that is falling apart because all our money is going off to fight the two dozen wars we are involved in. That infrastructure!

Then it was to “. . .engage with international partners to promote internet freedom . . .” and allow through that internet the ability for NSA and the U.S. military hacker units to read all the other leaders private emails and communications. Because of the freedom loving nature of the United States.

And building on that by “. . . shaping a cyber-savvy workforce and moving beyond passwords in partnership with the private sector.” So as to further dissolve protection of your privacy and civil liberties.

All in all the Step-An-Fetch-It Administration provided these principles in its approach to strengthen cybersecurity:

“Whole-of-government approach

Network defense first

Protection of privacy and civil liberties

Public-private collaboration

International cooperation and engagement.”

But even with all of this hyperbole the North Koreans hacked into Sony and fucked around because of that Comedy Movie Sony produced about the assassination of the great leader. Or at least they said it was the North Koreans.

And now, this week Step-an-Fetch-It’s emails have been hacked by the RUSSIANS!

Well, there is no proof provided that the Russians did it but Step-An-Fetch-It is still pushing the propaganda about the evil Russians ……. Tubularsock wonders if the general American even gives a rats ass any more.

Now this has all occurred even after the Cyber Threat Intelligence Integration Center (CTIIC) was created by Executive Order on February 25, 2015.

You see CTIIC was created for the purpose of “connecting the dots” regarding malicious foreign cyber threats to the nation and cyber incidents affecting U.S. national interests.

It’s the old connect the dots game. Well, Tubularsock figures they didn’t.

But the President said that the “New Tools” we have put in place “. . . will be used to go after the worst of the worst of malicious cyber actors. It just might be more honest, in Tubularsock’s mind, to go after ……. The United States Government! And cyber crimes are not the only crimes the .S. Government has committed!