It was just a few years ago that Tubularsock was sitting back minding his own business and happened upon a scientific study that was showing how certain electronic heart replacement equipment was susceptible to certain cell phone singles, microwave singles and some other types of electronic signals.
At first Tubularsock didn’t pay much attention except it just happened to cross Tubularsock’s mind: If someone found the right electronic combination could one assassinate Dick Cheney by cell phone?
So a few days later Tubularsock went back looking for that article on cell phones and heart devices. Well, not to be found ………. anywhere. That article disappeared off the web.
That was all Tubularsock needed to corroborate in his mind that YES one could, with the right cell phone assassinate Dick Cheney.
Now lets get something straight right here ……… Tubularsock has NO interest in assassinating Dick or anyone else for that matter. But the ONLY reason Tubularsock would NOT want to see it happen is that he would have to put up with all that patriotic adulation if somebody popped him.
He’d become a martyr and for weeks on TV we’d have to watch all that shit about THAT SHIT. BUT that is the ONLY reason that Tubularsock can come up with …… god, I just couldn’t handle that shit about THAT SHIT!
Well, Tubularsock figures that by this time you are asking yourself, “just where in the fuck is Tubularsock going with this”?
Well, this week in the BBC Tubularsock has found proof that his assumption was correct all along: “Mr Cheney’s doctor disabled the heart defibrillator’s wireless function in 2007 to prevent would-be assassins from interfering with it and causing a fatal heart attack.”
Now it looks like the only way we can get rid of Dick is to have Seal Team 6 (what’s left of them) helicopter down and shoot the fucker and dump him in the ocean. Just another Tubularsock thought.
No, really it’s a good house cleaning tip.
Tubularsock 
The person who was born with the heart that Dick ‘war criminal’ Cheney now has would most likely have preferred to had suffered a heart attack than for Dick ‘war criminal’ Cheney to have received their heart. But for all we know, since Dick ‘war criminal’ Cheney was a ‘throw up’ from the pits of Hell anyway, he is invincible, doncha know? He could drink 2500 gallons of radiated water leaking from the Fukushima Plant and not be fazed one bit. When the devil in hell spits you out, like I’ve already stated, you’re pretty much invincible. You’ll be hearing from that douche bag for years to come, unfortunately.
Another great one, Tubular! Thumbs waaaay up!!!!
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Well, thank you Shelby. As always you have summed up that fucker rather well. I would call up al Queda to finish him off but alas, they work for him!
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Now, Tubular sweetie, be careful. You know the NSA is monitoring this and I don’t want to have to figure out how to effect a break-out from Guantanamo! Shhhh! Don’t mention al Queda too much, as you know what that invokes from that Liar-In-Chief, drone striking hypocrite Obama!
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al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda,al Queda …….. I’d just love to see what plan you have up your sleeve to effect a break-out from Guantanamo for Tubularsock …….. FUCK OBOMBER AND HIS NSA!
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Oh, how you do insist on living dangerously!!!!!
With my 18″ Black stiletto heels, Black garter belt style pantyhose and a skin tight Black mini-skirt in black leather with a matching Black leather skimpy bra with a matching bolero on, I shall pretend that my new Black Mercedes broke down a few miles from Guantanamo and could some awfully, ‘awfully’ uh…nice gentlemen help this Southern belle(strong emphasis on “Gone With The Wind” accent that would put Scarlett to the blush) out of her dilemma? Unbeknownst to the guards, I will have Brother Mafio and Brother Thlug and a few other bounces(extra hires from the ‘Church of the Holy Rollers thanks to LittleTearHellUp and his ilk) in the trunk armed with super high tech, upgraded dog whistles that only affect human ears and since myself and my crew will have already been fitted with a special device that will protect our ears, we will render the guards AND the prisoners unconscious. My crew will of course be dressed as guards and on the security cameras, they will be seen as attempting to get the situation under control.
With the new voice-over technology, those who are monitoring the situation from afar will hear a message from Dick ‘war criminal’ Cheney speaking on how he is initiating a new torture device and that he is also testing it out on the guards, but that of course as always, he has everything under control. While this is going on, the pockets of the guards will be picked and the central location will be infiltrated and using their own monitors, we will locate you and drag your bedraggled body clean on up out of there, quick fast and in a hurry. With watches synchronized, we will know how much time we will have before we must reach the landing field where my new Boeing F-87 Disc Rotor helicopter which has a protective shield which no radar can detect will be on standby and that is how we will effect your escape from Guantanamo. We will also attempt to free as many other prisoners as possible in the time allowed. So, see Tube, I’ve got it all worked out. Now, why should that NOT work?
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Oh my, Tubularsock is taken back! Black 18” stiletto heels are taller than Tubularsock’s hair! AND a Black Mercedes TOO!
What a well thought out plan. How could anything go wrong? With a Cheney voice over and dog whistles and you running around in a Black garter belt style pantyhose and a skin tight Black mini-skirt in black leather with a matching Black leather skimpy bra with a matching bolero in the middle Guantanamo …….. who would suspect anything out of the ordinary?
And Tubularsock has always wanted to be “rescued” in a new Boeing F-87 Disc Rotor helicopter which has a protective shield. In these types of rescues “protection” could be useful.
Yes Scarlett (a code name I assume), “. . . why should that NOT work?
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A little too ostentatious, perhaps? Fine, I’ll tune down the outfit, but the rest should work! Look! Just be grateful that someone, ANYONE is trying to figure out a way to bust YOU out of Guantanamo at the risk of getting themselves caught all up in that shithole prison. Talk about ‘ungratefulness’. Geesh!!!
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You’re correct. What an ingrate! I really only expected a pen-pal not a Boeing F-87 Disc Rotor helicopter. I really should be more appreciative. What was I thinking!
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You are hopeless!
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