Archive for August, 2015

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WOMAN IN ESPIONAGE

Tubularsock was sitting in his top floor corner office in his underground bunker over- looking Washington, D.C. from Oakland, CA when there was a rap on the front door.

Tubularsock, never the trusting type, put on his extra thick bomb proof stealth-suit and moved ever causally (because Tubularsock keeps his cool) to the underground bunker camouflaged door just beyond the underground moat that as moats tend to do surrounds the underground bunker.

Opening the quadruple-thick underground bunker door Tubularsock was surprised to find a deck of “trading cards”, sixteen in all, bundled together with a small stack of dynamite attached to a $16,400.00 Men’s Rolex-Presidential-Watch ……. ticking!

Of course, as a man of action Tubularsock’s eyes focused on the sixteen trading cards

and realized that they were the artist Mary Yordy’s WOMEN IN ESPIONAGE series.

What luck!

Tubularsock glanced at the ticking $16,400.00 Men’s Rolex-Presidential-Watch and noted that there was just enough time to review the sixteen escapades of the sixteen women in espionage cards with historical details before Tubularsock would have to disengage the dynamite.

Time was of the essences!

Now Tubularsock is not going to divulge the contents of these WOMEN IN ESPIONAGE trading cards. For that you’ll have to order your own. After-all time is ticking.

But Tubularsock is going to review just one and that one is Julia Child ……..

Yep, Julia was a spy for Great Britain during WW2 and worked with “top secret” information for the OSS in Ceylon.

Tubularsock should have guessed!

Julie on live TV with her bare hands would rub an entire dead chicken carcass with olive oil and rub it continuously …….. there is something just not right about that!

But Julie could and did do that ……… it was just too Guantanamoish for Tubularsock.

Tubularsock should have picked up on that.

Anyway …… each card provides a picture and a short bio of each woman and her role in espionage. Many will surprise you and bottom line …… they are just fun to own or give.

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Now Mary Yordy is an artist from North Carolina. And North Carolina is somewhere over the Rockies and may even be a foreign country like most things East of the Rockies to Tubularsock. But whatever.

Tubularsock doesn’t know or have any vested interest in selling these Trading Cards but just thinks they are worth having.

So here is a link for you so you can give a set to your stupid Republican uncle for fucking Christmas if you want …….. or not!

https://www.etsy.com/shop/WomenInEspionage

Oh, Tubularsock almost forgot!

With only a nano-second left, that would even raise hairs on the back of James Bond’s neck, Tubularsock poured a double shot of Wild Turkey neat, not stirred or shaken, and cut the yellow wire.

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SPACED

Tubularsock wants to get right to the point today.

Do you know what is one of the major dangers today in space travel?

GARBAGE.

And you can start your day now with that knowledge or you can waste some more time following out Tubularsock’s train of thought. Your choice. It’s a free world …. kind of.

Now you may have noticed all the hype around this recent asteroid that is barreling down on earth and will hit North America on September 24 and destroy it. For one, Tubularsock can’t wait. KABOOM! Goodbye grandma.

Ok, Tubularsock’s grandma is already dead so fuck that imagery.

But we are all doomed.

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Well NOT SO FAST. NASA has put out a statement that says Rumor-Not-So.

But it is some kind of prophecy and hey you kind-of-have-to believe a prophecy off the internet, right. Come on …… yeah of little faith.

But then there is that science thing and NASA says that no asteroid is going to hit the earth and they have an entire division of scientists that track those things.

Wow, decisions, decisions. Internet Prophecy vs. Science. What to believe.

And you know the government lies to us all the time. In fact it is their full time job. So, how do we know that NASA isn’t lying to us?

Well that is simple …… our government officials are still in North America. If you happen to notice as September 24 rolls around that they have left, PACK YOUR BAGS. Otherwise, all’s good.

Now greater “mankind” has always thought highly of themselves and Western Civilization has out stripped all others in ego driven mis-conceptions of “our” greatness.

So of course “our civilization” is not under threat from mere asteroids from space!

Which then leaves all of us at the mercy of SPACE JUNK or GARBAGE.

And there is the downfall of all earth bound Civilizations. Or at least from Tubularsock’s point of view. No really, we earthlings are rapidly trapping ourselves on earth. The garbage we are creating on earth and the garbage we are creating in space IS going to be the end of us all. Not some grandiose “fire from the sky” ……. nope. OUR OWN GARBAGE. And the Mayans thought they had problems!

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Now just for the record, as of 2009 there were 19,000 pieces of debris larger than 2” that are tracked. And there are 300,000 pieces of debris larger than 1/2” orbiting the earth at the 1200 mile level.

The International Space Station orbits about 250 miles above the earth and the 2009 satellite collision with space junk happened about 500 miles above the earth.

So, Tubularsock figures you have already figured out WHO PUT THE SPACE JUNK THERE? We did!

There is dust from solid rocket motors, paint flakes and frozen coolant droplets. These particles cause erosive damage ….. like sandblasting. And even though they have attempted to shield satellites not all parts can be shielded, say solar panels and optical devices which are heavily affected.

Larger debris has to be avoided by maneuvering a spacecraft to avoid a collision. This is an ongoing task and one of the reasons for NASA’s tracking.

If a spacecraft is hit by large debris it causes more debris which becomes a larger problem.

Are you still with Tubularsock here? Just light another joint and space dudes and dudesses.

So the bottom line here is the Kessler syndrome. And your therapist thought you had problems!

Chance collisions are influenced by the number of objects in space.

And there is a critical density when new debris occur faster than natural forces can remove them and at that point a “runaway chain reaction” may occur (theorized by Kessler) rapidly increasing the amount of debris in orbit and the risk to operational satellites.

What, Tubularsock worry?

To date we have left 400,000 pounds of junk on the moon.

It appears that litter is earthlings middle name.

There are commemorative plaques (dogs too have to piss on everything if it makes you feel better) broken space probes and lunar rovers.

Even astronaut’s shit has been left behind from their behinds.

There are flags, and pins, crashed satellites, and fucking golf balls, space boots, empty food bags, cameras, tools, “defecation collection devices, urine collection assemblies”, and a silicon disk carrying statements from Presidents Nixon, Johnson, Kennedy, and Eisenhower which to Tubularsock is the ultimate in shit collection!

But if all that isn’t bad enough San Francisco based Elysium Space announced last week that it will start to send cremated remains of your loved ones to the moon for $11,950.00.

As they stated: “Families now have the historic opportunity to commemorate their departed love ones every night through the everlasting splendor and soft illumination of the Earth’s closest companion: the Moon.”

Tubularsock can see it now …… the ultimate business opportunity and Tubularsock will let YOU invest in the ground floor (send cash) and you too can be an investor in space by being a partner in Tubularsock’s BRING’EM BACK,Ltd.

Here’s how it works ……. say one discovers after they ship their deceased husband or wife off for the forever moon trip that during their entire loving marriage that they had been cheating on them. Sleeping around with every Tom, Dick, and Jane!

So every time they view “the everlasting splendor and soft illumination of the Earth’s closest companion: the Moon” ……. well, heartbreak.

Solution: Contact Tubularsock’s BRING’EM BACK, Ltd. and let us ease the pain.

For just $28,000.00 we will end the heartbreak and remove them from the moon FOREVER!

And for an additional $23,000.00 Tubularsock’s BRING’EM BACK, Ltd. will subcontract to Tubularsock’s SEND THEM ON, Ltd. and we will ship them (postage paid) on to the SUN to burn to HELL!

So you can see that there is profit in garbage and even though garbage will bring down our Civilization why not profit on the decline? At the heart of Capitalism is DEATH.

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TUBE HISTORY HUCKABEE

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MISSISSIPPI ISIS — JOIN TODAY

Now Tubularsock will admit from the outset that many times Tubularsock will incorporate HUGE generalities to make his points. For example, all Americans are stupid!

Now Tubularsock knows at least six Americans that are not stupid so right there Tubularsock should know better. Or all blacks have rhythm. And Tubularsock knows that is not true from experience. Tubularsock watched Obummer himself destroy that stereotype in his Amazing Grace song-fest. YES HE CAN’T!

Or General Custard wore Arrow-Shirts. Ok, maybe only because he dated Sioux.

All that being admitted Tubularsock just has to postulate: Are the youth of today just fucking stupid with their use of social media and the computer?

Now Tubularsock is not talking about the stupidity of posting photos of their private parts out on the web. Who really cares.

No, Tubularsock really wonders at their lack of awareness of what their computer is connected to once they press, send!

And Tubularsock’s case in point:  HONOR STUDENT TO JOIN ISIS ARRESTED BY FBI.

Jaelyn Deishaun Young (19) graduated from her Mississippi high school with honors.

WITH HONORS!

Muhammad Oda Dakhlalla (22) graduated from Mississippi State University with a degree in psychology.

IN PSYCHOLOGY!

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Now, Tubularsock could state that at least two people in Mississippi are stupid but that is not really true. Being from Mississippi, in Tubularsock’s opinion, puts you under suspicion of being …….. well really stupid. Ok, ok ….. at least a high probability.

These two were arrested by the FBI for “. . . attempting and conspiring to provide material support to a terrorist group”.

And they BOTH CONFESSED to the charges!

So exactly what did they do?

Well by golly, they WENT ON LINE TO SEE HOW THEY COULD JOIN ISIS.

That is what they did.

And guess what ……….

The FBI has nothing better to do than to monitor the internet for Mississippians who want to join ISIS. Sure enough.

Now lets get this straight …… if a Mississippian went off and joined the Marines, the American ISIS, that would have been praised.

No these kids wanted to join the ISIS …. the ISIS that is not the Marines.

So the FBI arrested the couple at the regional airport for TRYING TO TRAVEL TO SYRIA TO JOIN ISIS!

The FBI interacted with Jaelyn online back in May. This is called entrapment in the old days!

She posted on her TWITTER ACCOUNT that the only thing that was keeping her from traveling to Syria was her need to earn money. ON HER TWITTER ACCOUNT!!!

Jaelyn and Muhammad got themselves married so they could travel together in a Muslim country without a chaperone.

In June the first FBI agent passed Jaelyn off to a second FBI agent posing as an Islamic State facilitator. This is called entrapment stage two.

That FBI “facilitator” helped her with the plan to cross from Turkey to Syria.

Jaelyn confided that, “We don’t know Turkey at all very well (I haven’t even traveled outside US before.)”

Hadn’t Jaelyn heard the old Army advertisement, “Join The Army And See The World”?

Both Jaelyn and Muhammad expressed disappointment and impatience with the slowness of getting their passports EVEN AFTER they paid $340 to expedite passport processing.

And funny thing here is that when the Saudi-actual-terrorists obtained their expedited visas from the Bush Administration so they could ENTER the U.S. to fly planes into building on 9/11 there was no delay at all. But hey, they were coming IN and the FBI didn’t notice.

Now Tubularsock can understand why they wanted to expedite themselves out of Mississippi. That does show intelligence. What Tubularsock doesn’t understand is WHERE’S THE CRIME?

First, they hadn’t joined ISIS.

Second, they hadn’t sent ISIS any money.

So to date this is merely a “thought” crime because all they have done is buy plane tickets to Turkey and express their plan to join ISIS. But, if convicted it will cost them a $250,000.00 fine and twenty years in prison.

And if you really look at this would ISIS or prison be any worse than living the rest of your life in a town called STARKVILLE, MISSISSIPPI ? Think about it.

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TRUMP-O-MAGIC

Now Tubularsock recently has been leaving his top floor corner office in his underground bunker overlooking Washington, D.C. from Oakland, CA at 3AM in the morning and riding his bicycle about the city. Tubularsock calls this stealth-exercise.

But riding through empty streets in the crisp-air and very little traffic is a good way to do some thinking. So Tubularsock has been thinking.

You know how we Americans are accused of being a celebrity culture? And you also already know that we ARE a celebrity culture. The question really is, is there ANY CULTURE in celebrity?

Well if you had any doubt to this “charge” of celebrity culture the First Republican “Debate” has made it clear.

Twenty-four million people tuned into that “debate”. Twenty-four million! For a political “debate” in the U.S. of A.!

And according to CNNMoney that figure “tripled the largest audience for any previous debate” in the history of the United States!

That was One-million MORE than the viewership of the last game of the 2014 World Series and even Letterman’s last show viewership was only 13.7 million and Letterman IS a celebrity!

And you know why everyone tuned in …….. Donald Trump.Trump Speciman

And out of all the potential Republican candidates who is the ONLY ONE who stated HE HAD “WON” the debate? Donald Trump!

And who was the only potential candidate who had nearly every statement he made quoted the following day in the maimed-stream-press ……. Donald Trump.

And who hasn’t a ghost of a chance of being picked to be the Republican Presidential Candidate ………… Donald Trump.

Yet, 24 million people tuned in to see just what The Donald was going to do.

Tubularsock had more fun trying to find a way to watch The Donald than watching this boring collection of pre-paid corporate slave-boys act like they had an independent thought.

BORING.

Now if you didn’t have cable TV then you couldn’t really watch this debate. Now this is a debate for the possible leader of the United States. A possible President for all the people not just those with access to cable TV. But unless you had cable access a citizen wasn’t able to watch it ……. in theory.

Tubularsock has no TV so had to hunt down a way to watch it other than the way FOX had created so as to have a revenue stream for advertising.

In those situations the solution is always …… YouTube.

On YouTube there is always someone and usually dozens of people who are streaming everything either by screen-capture or filming it off a TV and showing it on their YouTube Channel.

It is always the go-to-to-go-around.

The quality isn’t always that good but just how much of that Republican-Shit can one take anyway?

The bottom line is: Even The Donald isn’t interesting enough to carry this amount of boredom!

One thing for sure …… the next “debate” won’t have the numbers again. The public wants a show from our celebrities and when they don’t produce the interest declines.

Just how often can you really watch THE KOCH BROTHERS’ THE PRICE IS RIGHT?

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SEPTIC TANK BOOGIE: REPUBLICAN “DEBATE”?

Now today Tubularsock was sitting in his top floor corner office in his underground bunker overlooking Washington D.C from Oakland, CA and thinking about the principle of septic tanks. You see a septic tank has to be vented in order to allow the gasses that shit produces to be released. A 2” vent usually does the trick.

Now in large cities the sewer treatment plants often burns off that gas but a single septic tank just releases that gas into the atmosphere.

And of course Tubularsock believes that there is a correlation between shit, gas and the Republican debate that is being hosted by a huge producer of gas …. Fox Ooze.

And the only reason an intelligent being would even watch this  is ……..

Ok. An intelligent being wouldn’t but let Tubularsock say that you are just absorbed in the absurd and haven’t really got a life so go ahead, dial it in.

No really. It is going to be well viewed by a huge number for only ONE REASON ……

You already know …… DONALD TRUMP.

Now you know how boring these silly “debates” are whether it’s a Democrat or Republican “debate” it is empty. It’s all show and no go ………

But because Donny may just go off ……. well that is why it will be watched and it will be well watched. Just for the possibility of A REALITY TV SHOW spin.

It does put a great deal of pressure on Trump because he’s the show.

Now Tubularsock noticed that Sarah Palin has stated that Trump is the candidate for “Joe-Six-Pack” and who could argue with that?

Sarah wrote, “The elites are shocked by Trump’s dominance, but everyday Americans aren’t. Everywhere I’ve gone this summer, including motorsport events in Detroit full of fed-up Joe Six-Pack Americans, the folks I meet commiserate about wussified slates of politicians, but then unsolicited, they whisper their appreciation for Trump because he has the guts to say it like it is.”

Well yes, why not. And with Trump’s strong foreign policy platform anchored by a higher, longer, thicker border wall between Mexico and the U.S., out dealing Putin in deal making and surrounding ISSI …….. why worry?

No, Tubularsock is excited. Tubularsock would only add a higher, longer, thicker border wall along the West Coast to keep those “Chinks” out and a higher, longer, thicker border wall along the Atlantic Coast to keep the “Huns” at bay and YES on a higher, longer, thicker border wall along the Canadian border to keep us from being attacked by Canadian Mountie Terrorists. Then we are sure to be safe.

And with Tubularsock’s additional higher, longer thicker border walls Tubularsock is talken’ so high that we would even keep Icarus out! And that dude flies really high if legend is correct. We as true Americans don’t want any Greek immigrants coming here and ruining American blood lines, now do we!

So Sarah and Don and Tubularsock are on the same page BUT PERHAPS a different book.

Oh my, Tubularsock has digressed.

Well, in reality within the illusion in which we occupy, the show will go on but the deal is already completed.

Donald could go any which way at the debate but Jeb will come off like a fucking boy scout and he has already won the nomination anyway and he’ll run against Hillary who will win the 2016 election.

Want to bet?

The deal has already been agreed to and all the rest is the show.

It is best to remember the words of the late George Carlin when it comes to politics:

“. . . it’s a big club and you ain’t in it . . . You see, the owners of this country know the truth. It’s called the American dream. Cause ya have to be asleep to believe it.”

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