Archive for March, 2016

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Tubularsock has called this press conference today to say that Ted Cruz’s adventures into extramarital affairs
or Donald Trump’s romps with a variety of younger women are  JUST SHOCKING to Tubularsock.

Even Hillary, it has been rumored, has stepped out of line when it comes to marital fidelity.

And Bernie would have, it’s assumed, except Jane would have “cleaned-his-plow” among other things if he had done so!

In fact, if you look at the history of SEX in and around the White House, even if you exclude the Secret Service’s prostitutes, you would find that it is prolific.

So in Tubularsock’s continued effort to have a transparent Presidential Campaign and a complete open door policy in Tubularsock’s future Presidency, Tubularsock has to report to the American citizens that  THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER articles about Tubularsock are “GARBAGE”!

Tubularsock knows that Donald Trump in his continued jealousy over Tubularsock’s large hands and perfect hair has been having his publisher friends at THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER publish these disgusting attacks directed at Tubularsock!

 

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THESE STORIES ARE NOT TRUE! THEY ARE LYING FOR TRUMP! Plain and simple!

Now, it is true that in Tubularsock’s early days he was involved with June Cleaver. But only in the afternoons.

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And Tubularsock had a three-way with Annette and a guy named Mickey.

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“Those were the days, my friend ……… we thought they’d never end.”

But this was the foolishness of youth that we all know so well!

 

AND IT IS TRUE THAT:

Tubularsock did talk positions with Hillary.

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And bear relationships with Sarah.

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And the size of Brought Worst with Merkel.

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And, oh sure ……… torture, bondage, and leather with Condi.

 

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But these were ALL PROFESSIONAL RELATIONSHIPS!

So Tubularsock stands clear, honest and open. Just as he’d be as President.

Now, TED CRUZ ……… where do we go from here? Few Presidents have been able to keep it in their pants!

We as Americans already have to worry that if Hillary gets elected we’ll have to see the White House turned into

Bill Clinton’s Brothel! And you guys in Tubularsock Land hadn’t even thought of that to worry about! Or have you?

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Tubularsock has always wondered how it would be to live in a country which had an educated and informed electorate but Tubularsock has come to the conclusion that the possibility of that will NEVER come to pass ….. EVER.

Not in the United States of America …… that is a given.

In former-times the learned had to read from parchment texts by candlelight and write with a pointed feather. In even earlier times they “wrote” on the walls of caves. And “In the beginning” they “wrote” on stone tablets using a chisel and hammer but in truth you’d have to be stoned to believe “those” stories.

Our society has the ability to be informed IN DETAIL and in REAL TIME to information 24/7. And information is just pouring out of every electronic orifice we have in our pockets, on our desks, in our cars, on our laps BUT the populous knows less now than they ever have in the history of our nation.

Why is that? No really ……… we can Twitter and Blather, we can Facebook and Flickr, we can Pinit and Postit, we can Linkedin and Pinterest and if all else fails we can Google Plus. You’d think we’d know something, right? WRONG!

Now, not that EVERYTHING is pointless in our “information age” it is all backwards and you have to know how to read it. Here is a clue. By the time “Madison Avenue” has come up with the proper catchall phrase or jingle for an experience it is too late. So even the term “information age” isn’t informational but the opposite, just like “democracy” isn’t, or “precision targeting” isn’t, or “humanitarian war” isn’t!

And take note, the catchall phrase or jingle LEADS the experience. THAT is what “Madison Avenue” was created to do and is still doing but not under that archaic title.

Now it’s called psych-ops. See how that works?

Thought control has been in operation for so long that it now appears to not exist. Even the government, religious and academic institutions BELIEVE their own crap! And leaders lead from their own concoctions of their own crap ………… the witches brew has taken root!

So just sit back, eat another organic pretzel. Have another cup of chai tea and ruminate on the true meaning of this:

About five days ago the New York Daily News reported that they had talked with the “esteemed forensic linguist Professor Rob Leonard, who gives expert testimony about language and writing in murder trials” and had him analyze THE RECENT TWEETS OF KIM KARDASHIAN to determine if it was she who had written them.

Yes, you see Kim posted a “nude selfie” (no, that isn’t the newsy part) and there was a flurry of criticism of her which led her tweeting a series of “humorous” tweets bashing Bette Midler, Chloe Grace Moretz, and Piers Morgan.

Now, Tubularsock hopes you are following this …….

Many didn’t believe that Kim was “behind” those tweets and she responded, “Wait I can’t believe people thought Kanye or Khole hacked my Twitter. I swear I’m funny too!!!”

Well Tubularsock does have to mention here for clarification that, Kim IS “funny too” and that’s an understatement. Just in case you had become lost in this drama not to have notice it yourself.

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The good Professor pointed out after extensive review of all the Tweets that the term “hey” is often used by Kanye but NOT by Kim, the hashtags were all in lowercase letters but Kim usually uses ALL CAPS or Caps The First Letter Of Every Word while Kanye uses ALL CAPS, no caps, or just the first word capped. And finally “Twitter” is always spelled “twitter” by Kim but always capitalized by Kanye.

So the verdict is …….. the envelope please ………. Kanye hacked Kim’s TWITTER and made the “funny” bashing comments!

So this is what the “information age” has become and WE ARE ALL collateral damage!

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Wow! THIS IS IT!

The time has come ………. the end of Guantanamo TODAY.

As you may have heard Obummer is in Cuba.

“‘What we did for 50 years did not serve our interests or the interests of the Cuban people,” Mr. Obama said. “We continue to have serious differences, including on democracy and human rights,” he said, noting that if Cuba made changes on those fronts it would help persuade Congress to lift the embargo.” (NY TIMES 3/21/16)

Now the Americans wanted to have a public question and answer session which as the Times put it “. . . led to a few tense moments.”

Mr. Castro was asked about the existence of political prisoners in Cuba and he indicated that there were none! He then went on to say, “Give me a list of political prisoners and I will release them”.

Damn! Tubularsock dialed Raul right up and gave him the list of the prisoners still locked up in cages at Guantanamo!

They should be free by morning!

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And Congress doesn’t have to do anything because Tubularsock’s list will be handled by Raul!

 

See how simple foreign policy is when you let Tubularsock handle it!

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The Presidential Race has been worse than a sitcom and the scary part is that one of these questionable individuals will REALLY BE the next President of the United States of America!

And just how does one compare them against each other?

Integrity? Well, Bernie has a little but the rest of them absolutely NONE!

Truthfulness? Well, they are political animals after all, so ………. NONE!

Transparency? Ok, Tubularsock was just kidding.

So that leaves you and Tubularsock with only one option ………. Hand Size. Which leaves Hillary with no hands at all.

 

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