Archive for the ‘Garbage’ Category

PRAISING THE SHITTER THAT SHAT

The height of hypocrisy never seems to amaze Tubularsock. There was a time it did but those days are far gone and will never return because we live in never-never-land where all things are upside down and backwards.

Let Tubularsock present two examples for you to consider and just see what YOU think when Tubularsock clears the dust for you. No, it isn’t a problem. Tubularsock uses a high powered Makita 18-volt compact lithium-ion cordless vacuum …… “fast cleaning without the cord”.

Now PLEASE hold your laughter until Tubularsock’s presentation is complete so it doesn’t drown out the facts.

Former U.S. President Step-en-fetch-it Obummer was named the 2017 recipient of The John F. Kennedy Profile in Courage Award!

The John F. Kennedy Profile in Courage Award is toted as “. . . the most prestigious award for public servants.”

And one has to do a lot of SHIT to people to be awarded this recognition!

Former U.S. President Step-en-fetch-it Obummer’s surveillance of the American people and his prosecution of whistle-blowers has to be honored, right!

And his indiscriminate drone bombings of Middle Eastern and African people has got to be honored, right!

And who could not honor his legacy of war, military adventurism, and keeping the torture prison at Guantanamo open, right!

And we can’t forget the handout to the Banksters and fucking over Main-street now can we.

Oh and what an honor it is to have the most expensive health care in the world but living shorter lives than other countries to enjoy it.

Yeah, Obummer was being recognized for “his enduring commitment to democratic ideals and elevating the standard of political courage in a new century.” SURE, IN SOME ALTERNATE UNIVERSE! But not in the one real people are living in.

But really, it all fits. Kellyanne Conway would have to walk her “alternate-facts” a long way to out due the FACT that the President who kept the United States in the PERPETUAL-STATE-OF-WAR his entire eight years in office walked off with the Nobel PEACE prize! Go figure.

But really, it all make sense in never-never-land where all things are upside down and backwards.

WHICH LEADS US TO EXAMPLE NUMBER 2

The former President and son of the “The-Silver-Haired-Douchebag Barbara Bush” (George Carlin) has taking up a new painting project.

It is called Portraits of Courage: A Commander in Chief’s Tribute to America’s Warriors!

Not to be confused with the Profile in Courage which John F. Kennedy wrote. Shrub isn’t very title creative.

LET THE HORSE SHIT FLOW ………………………

Shrub painted a mural of 66 single images of physically and/or mentally wounded veterans from all the Armed Forces.

These are the very same physically and/or mentally wounded veterans from all the Armed Forces that he alone shattered by his senseless, immoral, insane and inept wars he lied the nation into in Afghanistan and Iraq!

Besides the group mural he produced a book that also shows the individual portraits along with “upbeat stories” from Shrub about how much he admired their recoveries.

He credits himself with their “recovery” because of the “helpful” time he spent riding bikes and playing golf with them! You know, photo-ops!

Now you can get two editions of this travesty-of-horse-shit!

A $35 hardcover or a $250 “deluxe” cloth-bound edition SIGNED by the little prick himself!

It has been reported that PORTRAITS reached #1 on Amazon’s book list which goes to show that if you own your own Foundation you can make anything happen.

SIDE NOTE: Tubularsock would recommend that if you personally know ANYONE that has this book on their coffee table, politely stand up and punch them in the face. Just sayen’!

Now for you investor types you may be able to get into this WAR CRIMINAL ART early and profit later like Hitler’s Phone selling for $243,000.00 recently. Remember you don’t have to hang these maimed veterans and mental retards Shrub created in real and in painting. No, just box them up like tiny coffins and wait for the market to rise.

The Mural itself is on show at the George W. Bush Center’s Military Service Initiative in Dallas and all the proceeds go to that center to “help veterans”. It would be fun to see how much the Center pays Shrub to speak there.

In an interview Shrub stated that the “greatest honor of the presidency was looking (veterans) in the eye and saluting them as their commander in chief.”

Oh yeah, do you think he ever really just stands in front of a mirror and looks himself in the eye and asks himself just how many hundreds of thousands men, women, and children he is single-handedly responsible for killing and maiming?

You can’t paint yourself to redemption you worthless fuck!

But really, it all make sense in never-never-land where all things are upside down and backwards.

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tube-globe-headingWE DIDN’T DO IT!

Well as we all know there is no such thing as climate change and if there were WE have NO IMPACT on our earth.

Earth changes are the EARTH’S FAULT and if not, then at least the Russians!

Now forget about Fukushima. Nuclear Power is CLEAN and yes at the moment Fukushima is still pumping tons and tons of radio active material into the Pacific Ocean but don’t you worry …… it’s a big ocean.

And now that we have CLEAN COAL we can all rest and we’ll have our in coming Orange President promoting it and all the coal miners that voted to bring back their BLACK LUNG disease will have jobs.

And hell, less trees world wide only means more toothpicks and less oxygen over the long haul but you’ll get used to it!

No. Climate change is just the earth telling you to move to another planet, soon. But has nothing to do with we humans and our life style.

It’s all those scientists who have made it all up! JUST HOW COULD WE HUMANS BE DOING IT?

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SERIOUSLY ……. IT REALLY DOESN’T MATTER WHEN YOU’RE DEAD!

THE EARTH WILL BE HERE LONG AFTER YOU ARE ……. SO, WHAT’S OUR RUSH?

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TUBEPAPERS headingIF IT’S NOT FAKE, IS IT REAL?

You know something? Well, not to be rude, but just how would YOU know?

The recent “news” event is the amazing awareness that SOME NEWS ISN’T REAL!

Bet that caught you by total surprise, now didn’t it?

Tubularsock has now read at least seven different articles about this “FAKE NEWS” and almost that number again on the opinions about “FAKE NEWS”.

That is a hell of a lot of time given up from REAL NEWS which seems to be just the definition of news one agrees with as opposed to news THAT THE RUSSIANS ARE CREATING!

Now the only vision that comes to Tubularsock is a little short, balding, runt of a man, ahhh let’s call him say ….. puutan. This little guy is sitting at a computer typing out evil messages and converting them into NEWS to be printed by a network of evil spewing fake news cells throughout the entire globe …… ALL TOP SECRET but with only one supreme message ……. to lie to the proletariat.

And then of course a similar message is being produced by a hair impaired orange man, ahhh let’s call him say …. trummton. This small handed man is sitting high in a tower in a major metropolitan location with his cell phone tuned in to the entire world via Twitter. And he too is lying to the proletariat.

So the only REAL question is ………..

Can Tubularsock produce enough REAL TRUE NEWS to act as a counter force against this extreme evil? Sure Tubularsock can. Tubularsock has been making up news for almost sixteen years as Tubularsock, “. . . first hand coverage, second hand news.” And even the sky isn’t the limit ……. Tubularsock is talking COSMIC here!

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The irony is news-producers like the New York Times and the Washington Post have the gall to even join in the conversation. Of course with some of their news staff being paid by the CIA to promote “REAL NEWS” they do know the potential of “FAKE NEWS” being a real commodity. Experience is the best teacher Tubularsock supposes.

And for fun, just where does Voice Of America fit into all of this? Or even fucking NPR!

Could it be that IT’S ALL FAKE?

Think about it ……. your parents told you that a fat man with a bag of toys came to your house every Christmas to represent the birth of Christ who was born by VIRGIN birth and you believed THAT! And that lie was told to you by your very own parents.

So THE GOVERNMENT wouldn’t create lies and make up stories?

“You bet your sweet bippy” they would as Rowan & Martin used to say.

 

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Tubularsock has called this press conference today to say that Ted Cruz’s adventures into extramarital affairs
or Donald Trump’s romps with a variety of younger women are  JUST SHOCKING to Tubularsock.

Even Hillary, it has been rumored, has stepped out of line when it comes to marital fidelity.

And Bernie would have, it’s assumed, except Jane would have “cleaned-his-plow” among other things if he had done so!

In fact, if you look at the history of SEX in and around the White House, even if you exclude the Secret Service’s prostitutes, you would find that it is prolific.

So in Tubularsock’s continued effort to have a transparent Presidential Campaign and a complete open door policy in Tubularsock’s future Presidency, Tubularsock has to report to the American citizens that  THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER articles about Tubularsock are “GARBAGE”!

Tubularsock knows that Donald Trump in his continued jealousy over Tubularsock’s large hands and perfect hair has been having his publisher friends at THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER publish these disgusting attacks directed at Tubularsock!

 

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THESE STORIES ARE NOT TRUE! THEY ARE LYING FOR TRUMP! Plain and simple!

Now, it is true that in Tubularsock’s early days he was involved with June Cleaver. But only in the afternoons.

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And Tubularsock had a three-way with Annette and a guy named Mickey.

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“Those were the days, my friend ……… we thought they’d never end.”

But this was the foolishness of youth that we all know so well!

 

AND IT IS TRUE THAT:

Tubularsock did talk positions with Hillary.

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And bear relationships with Sarah.

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And the size of Brought Worst with Merkel.

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And, oh sure ……… torture, bondage, and leather with Condi.

 

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But these were ALL PROFESSIONAL RELATIONSHIPS!

So Tubularsock stands clear, honest and open. Just as he’d be as President.

Now, TED CRUZ ……… where do we go from here? Few Presidents have been able to keep it in their pants!

We as Americans already have to worry that if Hillary gets elected we’ll have to see the White House turned into

Bill Clinton’s Brothel! And you guys in Tubularsock Land hadn’t even thought of that to worry about! Or have you?

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This is the time of year that Tubularsock hides in his top floor corner office in the underground bunker overlooking Washington, D.C. from Oakland, CA.

Not from fear but from dread ……..

Tubularsock always puts on his stealth attire when he has to leave the bunker and you wouldn’t recognize Tubularsock on the street because the S.F. Bay Area that Oakland is a part has so many diverse hair styles Tubularsock isn’t all that noticeable. No, really.

But just in case Tubularsock always wears a ski hat with blinking green lights with its top cut open and people don’t even look up as Tubularsock passes on his two-wheeled bike. It’s rather a live-and-let-live community in general.

And hell with the homeless black dude that rides his bike pulling two bike trailers with a boom-box and two huge 12” woofer speakers blaring and adding that to all his belongings with everything painted GOLD to match his gold painted top hat, suit coat, pants and high top tennis shoes ……..

Well shit, Tubularsock even begins to look normal!

Tubularsock seldom goes into retail stores. Just have no interest and most of the stuff is priced so high that Tubularsock figures the “liberal-press” has buried the true story that the Chinese slave laborers in the sweat-factories have been given a huge wage increase! Fucking workers!

At least here in America when we asked the Black Africans to leave their homes and come to America we put them to work 24/7. They were good workers too. In fact, so good that the powers to be set up a system that still exist today. And keeps those Black Workers behind bars working in order to keep them from having to associate with all those welfare cheats!

Seriously! If you recall, those Native Americans would run off when our early Christian farmers used to attempt to “train” those savages to work. And none of them spoke American! Go figure.

But that was then and we are here now and things have improved.

And today in America we even love Mexicans! No seriously!

Right after Donald Trump proclaimed to build a wall to keep those raping Mexicans out he in his next breath proclaimed that he had a great relationship with Mexican waiters. They were his homey-amigos.

And just like Americans, no one even noticed any incongruity. That’s because we are ALL, EXCEPTIONAL!

Now, just watching truck after truck after truck of dead pine trees being brought into this city to be decorated and lighted up for a week or two and then tossed to the curbside to be taken away by trucks and trucks and trucks just brings merriment to Tubularsock’s soul.

And just like Americans, no one even notices any incongruity. That’s because we are ALL, EXCEPTIONAL!

But one can not miss the parade of stressed out smiling people marching in and out like zombies to every sales event in order to PROVIDE HAPPINESS which isn’t paid off until  May, 2016 if you’re lucky. Which then keeps them all sitting in cubicles day in and day out for years and they call it their life’s work.

And just like Americans, no one even notices any incongruity. That’s because we are ALL, EXCEPTIONAL!

But what if ………………………..

This year ………………………….

LIBERATION.

stop!

Wow, now how easy was that?

If you haven’t figured this out yet ………..

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And believe Tubularsock on this ……. you don’t have to do this.

You never did. It has alway been an illusion and you are the ONLY one who can wake up because it is YOUR dream.

And Tubularsock knows your conditioned response …… “but I, I just couldn’t”.

But you can …….. you create your own reality and you even already know this, so listen from within.

“I’M SORRY, YOUR TIME IS UP ….. THIS IS A RECORDING. YOUR PARKING TICKET MAY BE VALIDATED UPON YOUR EXIT…….. HAVE A NICE DAY” beep.  your move

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SPACED

Tubularsock wants to get right to the point today.

Do you know what is one of the major dangers today in space travel?

GARBAGE.

And you can start your day now with that knowledge or you can waste some more time following out Tubularsock’s train of thought. Your choice. It’s a free world …. kind of.

Now you may have noticed all the hype around this recent asteroid that is barreling down on earth and will hit North America on September 24 and destroy it. For one, Tubularsock can’t wait. KABOOM! Goodbye grandma.

Ok, Tubularsock’s grandma is already dead so fuck that imagery.

But we are all doomed.

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Well NOT SO FAST. NASA has put out a statement that says Rumor-Not-So.

But it is some kind of prophecy and hey you kind-of-have-to believe a prophecy off the internet, right. Come on …… yeah of little faith.

But then there is that science thing and NASA says that no asteroid is going to hit the earth and they have an entire division of scientists that track those things.

Wow, decisions, decisions. Internet Prophecy vs. Science. What to believe.

And you know the government lies to us all the time. In fact it is their full time job. So, how do we know that NASA isn’t lying to us?

Well that is simple …… our government officials are still in North America. If you happen to notice as September 24 rolls around that they have left, PACK YOUR BAGS. Otherwise, all’s good.

Now greater “mankind” has always thought highly of themselves and Western Civilization has out stripped all others in ego driven mis-conceptions of “our” greatness.

So of course “our civilization” is not under threat from mere asteroids from space!

Which then leaves all of us at the mercy of SPACE JUNK or GARBAGE.

And there is the downfall of all earth bound Civilizations. Or at least from Tubularsock’s point of view. No really, we earthlings are rapidly trapping ourselves on earth. The garbage we are creating on earth and the garbage we are creating in space IS going to be the end of us all. Not some grandiose “fire from the sky” ……. nope. OUR OWN GARBAGE. And the Mayans thought they had problems!

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Now just for the record, as of 2009 there were 19,000 pieces of debris larger than 2” that are tracked. And there are 300,000 pieces of debris larger than 1/2” orbiting the earth at the 1200 mile level.

The International Space Station orbits about 250 miles above the earth and the 2009 satellite collision with space junk happened about 500 miles above the earth.

So, Tubularsock figures you have already figured out WHO PUT THE SPACE JUNK THERE? We did!

There is dust from solid rocket motors, paint flakes and frozen coolant droplets. These particles cause erosive damage ….. like sandblasting. And even though they have attempted to shield satellites not all parts can be shielded, say solar panels and optical devices which are heavily affected.

Larger debris has to be avoided by maneuvering a spacecraft to avoid a collision. This is an ongoing task and one of the reasons for NASA’s tracking.

If a spacecraft is hit by large debris it causes more debris which becomes a larger problem.

Are you still with Tubularsock here? Just light another joint and space dudes and dudesses.

So the bottom line here is the Kessler syndrome. And your therapist thought you had problems!

Chance collisions are influenced by the number of objects in space.

And there is a critical density when new debris occur faster than natural forces can remove them and at that point a “runaway chain reaction” may occur (theorized by Kessler) rapidly increasing the amount of debris in orbit and the risk to operational satellites.

What, Tubularsock worry?

To date we have left 400,000 pounds of junk on the moon.

It appears that litter is earthlings middle name.

There are commemorative plaques (dogs too have to piss on everything if it makes you feel better) broken space probes and lunar rovers.

Even astronaut’s shit has been left behind from their behinds.

There are flags, and pins, crashed satellites, and fucking golf balls, space boots, empty food bags, cameras, tools, “defecation collection devices, urine collection assemblies”, and a silicon disk carrying statements from Presidents Nixon, Johnson, Kennedy, and Eisenhower which to Tubularsock is the ultimate in shit collection!

But if all that isn’t bad enough San Francisco based Elysium Space announced last week that it will start to send cremated remains of your loved ones to the moon for $11,950.00.

As they stated: “Families now have the historic opportunity to commemorate their departed love ones every night through the everlasting splendor and soft illumination of the Earth’s closest companion: the Moon.”

Tubularsock can see it now …… the ultimate business opportunity and Tubularsock will let YOU invest in the ground floor (send cash) and you too can be an investor in space by being a partner in Tubularsock’s BRING’EM BACK,Ltd.

Here’s how it works ……. say one discovers after they ship their deceased husband or wife off for the forever moon trip that during their entire loving marriage that they had been cheating on them. Sleeping around with every Tom, Dick, and Jane!

So every time they view “the everlasting splendor and soft illumination of the Earth’s closest companion: the Moon” ……. well, heartbreak.

Solution: Contact Tubularsock’s BRING’EM BACK, Ltd. and let us ease the pain.

For just $28,000.00 we will end the heartbreak and remove them from the moon FOREVER!

And for an additional $23,000.00 Tubularsock’s BRING’EM BACK, Ltd. will subcontract to Tubularsock’s SEND THEM ON, Ltd. and we will ship them (postage paid) on to the SUN to burn to HELL!

So you can see that there is profit in garbage and even though garbage will bring down our Civilization why not profit on the decline? At the heart of Capitalism is DEATH.

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