Archive for the ‘Justin Bieber’ Category

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You know Tubularsock has been thinking about ISIS because Tubularsock doesn’t know what action is the patriotic thing to do.

Too much thinking CAN spoil the broth.

ISIS on the one hand is the evil of all evils. Or is that Dick Cheney? God! I get them so confused. ISIS on the other hand is the creation of the US, UK, and Israeli intelligence apparatus or at least that is what has been revealed by the leaked NSA documents by Edward Snowden. (Thanks Ed.)

The US, UK, and Israeli intelligence apparatus created a strategy known as the hornet’s nest in order to attract the fundamentalists from around the world to Syria to overthrow Assad’s Government.

Now does Tubularsock support ISIS because America created them or does Tubularsock not support ISIS because they are the most evil of evils, except for Dick Cheney? What would a real patriot do?

You see the U.S. wants a U.S.-friendly government in Syria. You know like a puppet government that would not cooperate with Iran and block the oil pipeline that is being built. If the Assad government had gone along with the U.S. and did their bidding then Syria would be classified as a wonderful world government. You know like Israel, Saudi Arabia, Qatar, and Kuwait all with police state governments. But that works for the United States much like the newly American created neo-nazi government now in the Ukraine.

The United States support of oppressive governments is done because it’s GOOD FOR BUSINESS but the mantra has always been that we are doing this to BRING DEMOCRACY to the people.

You guessed it ……. the mantra, in truth, goes like this:

BULL SHIT, BULL SHIT, BULL SHIT, BULL SHIT, BULL SHIT, BULL SHIT, BULL SHIT …

Try it …………… no, aloud. It’s got great rhythm like most truth does. 

Now anyone who is just this side of mental retardation knows all this already. But Tubularsock likes to keep his eye on the prize and that is that repetition keeps the facts from falling down that sucking rabbit hole. You see once the news cycle spins the bull shit to scare you then they move on and funny thing ……. they don’t review. Especially when the “new facts” show that the stories being pushed are FALSE. It’s called propaganda.

Which brings Tubularsock to this, that may have been skipped over by the maimed-streamed-media. A document released by NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden revealed that Ibrahim al­ Samarrai AKA Abu Bakr al Baghdadi, the man who leads ISIS, is an intelligence asset. Well imagine that!

An Intelligence Asset? You know, a CIA patsy. And he is the guy that is leading this evil of all evil (besides Dick Cheney) military operation.

Funny story, Abu Bakr al­ Baghdadi was radicalized by the 2003 invasion of Iraq and was captured in 2005 and spent four years in the United States’ Camp Bucca where he was constantly humiliated by the American forces much like the torture and humiliation conducted at Abu Ghraib Prison.

So here we have exactly why attacking and bombing isn’t effective. By doing it it only creates more terrorists and humiliation is a very powerful factor in solidifying resolve.

It has been reported that ISIS has grown in number by over 6000 since the beginning of this American bombing escapade. Now exactly what is it about the reality that bombing and drones create MORE terrorists that the Western mind doesn’t seem to understand?

It was reported around September 8th that Abu Bakr al­ Baghdadi had been killed by the American bombing but it still hasn’t been officially confirmed. But even if this is true Tubularsock hopes we don’t have to go through that same silly game that we did with Osama bin Laden’s death —— do you recall, he was reported “confirmed-dead”  seven times! And now that he is reported at the bottom of the sea we still can’t say for sure that he isn’t hiding out in Geneva, Switzerland.

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And did “killing” bin Laden even matter to al Qaeda? Nope!

And if true, will Abu Bakr al­ Baghdadi death matter to ISIS? Nope!

And if someone on Halloween reaches into Dick Cheney’s chest cavity and rips out his previously-owned heart and eats it ……… will that end evil? Well, Tubularsock thinks it may be a good start!

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From a series of informed sources who are not authorized to speak on this issue but have nothing else to do today in the bloated government bureaucracy has presented an outline of the influence of the new Secretary Of The Inferior on the Obama Administration.*

The Tubularsock News Team has also sent our stealth photographer into the mix and has documented photographic evidence of all the rumor and innuendo.

As we like to say at the Tubularsock News Team break-room, “If a picture is worth a thousand words then this story is worth ten thousand words!”

Rather than be accused of conflict of interest we have turned our investigative journalism over to the tabloid, The New York Toast.

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From the very beginning fear in the Administration was palpable. Could a “commoner” be able to bond with the elite?

Well, our inside sources all concurred that the new Secretary Of The Inferior fit like a hand in a glove.

Lunch

The new Secretary Of The Inferior was asked by the press how he felt to be at the left hand of The President of the United States and he clearly stated, “no, the steak tartare please”.

The more comfortable the Secretary Of The Inferior became the more cautious distrust  appeared within the West Wing. In fact, down right suspiciousness of his intentions were felt and cloaked in plutocratic innuendo.

This type of approach to an obvious “outsider” was lost on the Secretary who felt that they liked him. But he started to isolate himself in the President’s office.

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That suspicious attitude became more prevalent within the President himself.

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However the Secretary Of The Inferior and Michelle became more ……..

Say ………… ahh, shall we say “friendly”?

Not being sure of the Secretary Of The Inferior’s intentions Obama started to take him with him whenever he traveled.

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Plane Wave

And then one day the President and the Secretary Of The Inferior were scheduled to fly to the Asian Conference in Kuala Lumpur.

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Stolen

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Now in any Presidential Administration lots of stuff gets stolen. Paper clips, ball point pens, computers, ground-keeper tools, ballistic missiles, large sums of cash, larger sums of cash, cash of larger sums than that and one’s integrity.

The biggest surprise is that anyone noticed.

Immediately Congress formed two committees, one in the House and one in the Senate. Each committee member and staff took it upon themselves to fly to Kuala Lumpur to see where Air Force One should have landed if it hadn’t been stolen.

It was verified that there was NO, they repeated NO, Air Force One on any golf course in Kuala Lumpur.

Senator John McCain was unable to say, “The terrorist have been part of this Obama Administration for some time and the Ukrainian people need all ….. no, I mean Palestine has to be considered ….. no, I mean  …”

The CIA, NSA, DIA, NGA, NRO, AFISRA, MI, MCIA, ONI, OICI, I&A, CGI, FB/NSB, DEA/ONSI, INR, and the TFI were all called into service but many of them were out of the office so a message was left with their respective receptionists. **

All of these agencies work separately and together to conduct intelligence activities and are under the I.C. which is headed by the DNI, who reports to the President.**

The FBI, DOS, DSS, IRS-CID, TIGTA, USMP, DOD, DCIS, CID, OSI, NCIS, DOJ, ATF, USDI, USDA, DOC, HHS, DHS, USCG, FPS, CGPD, CBP, ICE, USSS, SPS,USCP, USPIS were also all put on the case. **

It appears that the USPIS (United States Postal Inspection Service) may have not been necessary however Senator Diane Feinstein insisted that it was not because her husband was well invested in post offices that the agency must play a role. It was because of “. . . her keen concern to protect every woman and child of this great land”.

As Senator Feinstein did not say, “That plane could have been easily packed up in a pre-postage-paid-priority-mail-express-package and shipped to the Russians for all we know!”

As a result over seventeen million dollars will be allocated to throughly inspect ALL the P.O.Boxes in every post office within the United States.

Representative Robert Fuckoff (R) Ohio demanded that for national security concerns he would pursue drafting a bill to create an inspection team to investigate all “general delivery” windows of every post office in the United States.

During an impromptu stop over at the employee’s break room at Postal Inspection, Inc. Rep. Fuckoff stated, “This twenty-seven million dollar allocation bill will ensure that inspections would be conducted on all “general delivery” locations. What better way is there to protect our citizens from terrorists who want to harm our home-land?” 

When the maimed-stream media asked about the rumor that his family was involved in Postal Inspection, Inc. Representative Fuckoff stated, “Those accusations have been made before!” 

……………………………………………

A Special Blue Ribbon Committee was appointed immediately if not sooner by the President to “investigate the disappearance of Air Force One and The Secretary Of The Inferior” and to report back to him. The President insisted that the Committee’s work would be totally transparent and would be held in secret for national security reasons.

The maimed-stream media didn’t pursue the definition of transparent assuming the President is a Constitutional Scholar and knew the definition better than they.

Congress announced that it will immediately take up the issue of funding the Special Blue Ribbon Committee as soon as they return from their inter-session break and before their fall break. This leaves “. . . a corridor of six full hours” stated Senator DipStick (D) from Louisiana. 

Conspiracy

First there were the sightings.

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(UPI) “They were ALL there”, said Jimmy Insano from DelRio, Texas. “Right out in front of the Dairy Queen! Elvis, bin Laden, Kennedy and the Secretary Of The Inferior!

“I didn’t see no plane or anything like that …… but I didn’t go in the Dairy Queen. Sure, it could have been in there.”

 The heat in DelRio at times reaches 135 degrees in the shade.

(The Sun, UK) “The chances of Air Force One being snatched from the sky by an alien space craft isn’t as far fetched as it may appear” says Jay Jay Johnson. “There have been sightings recently as far away as Denver”, he continued. “Space IS the final frontier, you know, and if and I’m saying IF, The Secretary Of The Inferior had been sent with a message to give to extraterrestrials, then why not?” Jay Jay Johnson concluded.

(New York Times) It was reported today that the Malaysian Government was asked by President Obama to assist in the tracking of the missing Air Force One. Critics say this new development has created perhaps a “hint” that the President isn’t sincere about finding the Secretary Of The Inferior.

President Obama’s new Press Secretary Josh Earnest, stated at todays news briefing that “. . . he was earnest that the President was earnest about the search for Air Force One as well as The Secretary Of The Inferior”.

This confused the White House Press Corp because they thought the President was not Earnest because Josh Earnest was Earnest. And Josh Earnest stated that he was earnest and the President was earnest as well. The White House Press Corp reiterated that Earnest was Earnest and Earnest was not Obama.

After forty-five minutes the Earnest – earnest conundrum was tabled until a later date.

(FOX News) Donald Rumsfeld was asked to comment on the incident and stated: “we know, there are known knowns; there are things that we know that we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don’t know we don’t know.”

And he continued, “The missing Secretary Of The Inferior is the ultimate in unknown unknowns, if you ask me.”

And of course, Dick Cheney was asked for comments on this new international mystery but was unable to make it to the interview because he had “left his heart in San Francisco” and hadn’t noticed until his flight was over Wisconsin. Which at that point had to turn his flight back to the West Coast.

 

 

 

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footnotes:

* To catch up with The Secretary Of The Inferior refer back to: blog post, NEW EMPLOYMENT, NEW ECONOMY.

** Those are all investigating agencies of the United States Government. Tubularsock doesn’t have time to make that much shit up!

All photographs may look like they have been altered in some way. They have NOT! However they are a different angle from the original photo.

Photography is in the eye of the beholder.

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Tubularsock was out of his top floor corner office in his underground bunker overlooking Washington, D.C. from Oakland, CA. for several days due to an intense family emergency. It was worse than having to eat dinner with the Cheney’s. It was hell personified and Tubularsock doesn’t even believe in the hell concept but it is the best descriptive for a quick picture.

Happily all’s good now and I’m back in the bunker viewing the collective mess that we live in and feel good that nothing has changed for the better which is rather comforting.

You know, the shit you live in in the collective culture is shit we’re familiar with and just like any abusive relationship it’s still home. Yes, we’re sick mother-fuckers!

So while Tubularsock was focused elsewhere he missed:

 The State of the Union Address..

 

 The flair-up Kanye West created in his quest to get Kim Kardashian on the Vogue Cover.

 

 Some football game with a lot of custom ads.

 

 Brig. Gen. Hossein Salami, a top commander of Iran’s Revolutionary Guards boasting that Iran “ . . . have targets within America.” But so does Tubularsock! 

 

The Justin Bieber’s DUI. 

 

And the State Department’s release of the XL Keystone Pipeline environmental report written by the oil industry for the occasion.

Wow. Turn your back for just a minute and the shit just keeps hitting the fan!

So where does Tubularsock start?

Where-else Justin ………….

MSNBC was in the middle of an interview with Congresswoman Jane Harman about the NSA  spying scandal when they interrupted that interview to bring forth a BREAKING NEWS story.

And what was that BREAKING NEWS?

The judge was reading the charges against Justin Bieber at THAT MOMENT!

Really, need Tubularsock say more about this crap?

Sure.

There was also a big discussion about Justin having zits that showed up on his mug-shots. It appears that the cops don’t air-brush out blemishes. What a travesty.

How is Tubularsock going to handle that a 19 year old boy who drives a yellow Lamborghini has zits?

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And not to overplay this cathartic bull-shit but the White House had to pay attention to the incident because of enough people had signed an on-line petition demanding that Justin be DEPORTED back to Canada for being a “bad influence on American youth”. Like a border make’s a difference.

It seems that the White House has a page that citizens can present grievances and if the numbers are great enough then the White House will take some type of action.

Well, bottom line …….. a DUI just doesn’t rank high enough in the pantheon of crimes to warrant deportation. Zits, however …….. you may have a case!

Then the State of The Union Address. 

Gag Tubularsock with a spoon. The bull shit was stacked so high that even Joe Biden couldn’t add to it with his inept personal deficiencies.

I don’t know about you but Tubularsock just has trouble listening to abstract when I’m stepping over the homeless on the streets whenever I go out. Now granted, riding a bicycle puts me more in tune with the direct environment than say riding around in your SUV with the music on and the tinted windows but even you have to get out to buy your food.

At times Tubularsock thinks he’s in India as he criss-crosses a human sea of men and women with card-board signs asking for help.

And to have Obummer say that women aren’t getting paid as much as men for the same work ………. well no shit Dick Tracy.

“Let’s make this a year of action,” Obummer says. Sure. What has changed from last year?

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Well according to Bummer’s intro, A teacher has helped her student, AN entrepreneur does her part to create 8 million jobs, An auto worker fine tuned some of the most fuel efficient cars in the world to do his part to help America to WEAN ITSELF OFF FOREIGN OIL. And on and on until we come to the military families who tuck their children in bed and remember fallen comrades BUT NOT REMEMBER ALL THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN THEY WASTED AS THEY MURDERED THEIR WAY THROUGH IRAQ AND AFGHANISTAN.

And all the while the camera flashes over the dumb shit that can’t clap but beats his chest with his hand instead because he’s the poster-boy of the deformed and maimed “military-hero” who still doesn’t get it. Nor does his stupid bloated father standing next to him. He may be even more of a fucking dumb shit than his son!

When will they wake up? What a price to pay to be cannon fodder. You get the President to point out what a hero you are for getting yourself blown to shit and then forgotten when the lights go out and the cameras are put away.

A State of the Union Circus would not be complete without a freak show so they propped up Cory Remsberg the current military excuse of a hero and the Congress that sent him and so many to die and become crippled all applauded and thereby absolved their collective guilt.

What a sad commentary on the nation.

And it is that propagandistic bull-shit that is continually pushed and as long as everyone focuses on the sacrificial, emotional horse shit ol’ Cory will be rolled around as an example and Cory says he still wants to serve his country.

Well, Cory ……… you are still severing the ends of the war profiteers. The fact that you and your father are both fucking brain dead helps push the war agenda. Congratulations.

But without a chance to rest your mind let Tubularsock deal with the flair-up Kanye West created in his quest to get Kim Kardashian on the Vogue Cover.

Kanye for some reason is not the brightest crayon in the box. Recently he has punched a couple of guys for comments they have made to him. One was in a chiropractor’s office of all places.

It seems guys say shit to Kanye, then he punches them, then they sue him, and then they collect an out of court settlement of $125,000.00.

Sound like a plan? Tubularsock is working on his retirement program. Where does Kanye hang out?

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Well the hip-hop artist allegedly confronted Vogue’s chief editor Anna Wintour at the Beverly Hills Polo Lounge, and got right up in her face over the issue of Kim not being placed on the current cover of Vogue.

Because Anna is a personal friend he can’t see why she isn’t willing to do him this personal favor and put Kim on the cover.

In truth, Tubularsock can’t figure out why Anna won’t put Tubularsock on the cover of Vogue. It just seem like the right thing to do.

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Now who would believe a guy named Salami? It sounds like baloney to Tubularsock. And all this Iran’s Revolutionary Guards shit. Remember how Saddam Insane’s Revolutionary Guards were this huge danger to our troops before our invasion of Iraq?

TARGET AMERICA!

The mass media played that wild card and pumped up everyone until when we invaded they weren’t even there. Another crack intelligence failure. OR a sly propaganda ploy by  American for Americans.

Pretty much all Tubularsock can recommend to assist Iran with suggested targets within the United States is to call 1-800-al-Qaeda and leave a message.

Ah, yes. That football game with the custom ads. The least said the better. I was hoping that Iran would have taken that out but alas Tubularsock can’t have every new years resolution come true.

And while no one was looking including the State Department the environmental impact report produced by the oil industries was rubbered stamped out by the State Department and in general the conclusion ……… what impact?

The fact that the XL pipeline crosses over 1700 bodies of fresh water, ahh ……. just what could go wrong. And the argument goes like this ……… it would be more dangerous to transport this shit oil by train so leaky pipelines that will be thoroughly inspected maybe once (if they can spare the time) will be way safer.

Well the unions want it because they’ll get almost 2000 new jobs for ten minutes and then years of catastrophic leak repair which the pipeline owners will have only limited liability before the federal and state governments put up the bucks.

EVERY oil leak in the current pipeline coming out of Canada that has leaked has caused irreparable damage to the environmental balance of the areas involved that can not be corrected for a hundred years. Now who has that kind of time?

And yet you’ll see Obummer sign off on this XL pipeline ……… why? Oh come now. Haven’t you noticed yet?

Barack Obama is the first black president in white-face and as long as the-slave-boy keeps up the “good-nigger” role the white power structure will let him play golf with them.

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Yes’em massa!

Come on everyone …………. let’s sing the blues.

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