Archive for the ‘TED CRUZ’ Category

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HELL’S BELLS CRUZ !

Tubularsock knows you may not believe this but Tubularsock has had to take on a new part-time-job in order to PROTECT the Satanists from slander at its highest or is that lowest, hmmm, order ……. whatever.

According RAW STORY (4/29/16), it seems that former House Speaker John Boehner has denigrated the Satanic Temple and ALL its satanic members by calling Ted Cruz “LUCIFER IN THE FLESH”!

It’s not that the friendly Satanic Temple doesn’t believe that Ted Cruz isn’t full of shit and is exactly as Boehner described him when he said, “I have Democratic friends and Republican friends. I get along with almost everyone, but I have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life.”

But rather, they take umbrage at Boehner because there is NO WAY Ted Cruz is the living incarnate of Satan according to the Satanists!

That’s where Tubularsock’s new part-time-job comes in. Proof positive that TUBULARSOCK is the living incarnate of Satan! (only part time though).

YEAH, CAN I GET A BURGER AND FRIES TO GO? HOLD THE ANCHOVIES. HELL YES WELL DONE! WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR, TED CRUZ?

YEAH, CAN I GET A BURGER AND FRIES TO GO? HOLD THE ANCHOVIES. HELL YES WELL DONE! WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR, TED CRUZ?

It’s ALL GOOD in a BAD kind of a way.

Now really, can American politics get better than this?

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Tubularsock has called this press conference today to say that Ted Cruz’s adventures into extramarital affairs
or Donald Trump’s romps with a variety of younger women are  JUST SHOCKING to Tubularsock.

Even Hillary, it has been rumored, has stepped out of line when it comes to marital fidelity.

And Bernie would have, it’s assumed, except Jane would have “cleaned-his-plow” among other things if he had done so!

In fact, if you look at the history of SEX in and around the White House, even if you exclude the Secret Service’s prostitutes, you would find that it is prolific.

So in Tubularsock’s continued effort to have a transparent Presidential Campaign and a complete open door policy in Tubularsock’s future Presidency, Tubularsock has to report to the American citizens that  THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER articles about Tubularsock are “GARBAGE”!

Tubularsock knows that Donald Trump in his continued jealousy over Tubularsock’s large hands and perfect hair has been having his publisher friends at THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER publish these disgusting attacks directed at Tubularsock!

 

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THESE STORIES ARE NOT TRUE! THEY ARE LYING FOR TRUMP! Plain and simple!

Now, it is true that in Tubularsock’s early days he was involved with June Cleaver. But only in the afternoons.

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And Tubularsock had a three-way with Annette and a guy named Mickey.

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“Those were the days, my friend ……… we thought they’d never end.”

But this was the foolishness of youth that we all know so well!

 

AND IT IS TRUE THAT:

Tubularsock did talk positions with Hillary.

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And bear relationships with Sarah.

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And the size of Brought Worst with Merkel.

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And, oh sure ……… torture, bondage, and leather with Condi.

 

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But these were ALL PROFESSIONAL RELATIONSHIPS!

So Tubularsock stands clear, honest and open. Just as he’d be as President.

Now, TED CRUZ ……… where do we go from here? Few Presidents have been able to keep it in their pants!

We as Americans already have to worry that if Hillary gets elected we’ll have to see the White House turned into

Bill Clinton’s Brothel! And you guys in Tubularsock Land hadn’t even thought of that to worry about! Or have you?

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The Presidential Race has been worse than a sitcom and the scary part is that one of these questionable individuals will REALLY BE the next President of the United States of America!

And just how does one compare them against each other?

Integrity? Well, Bernie has a little but the rest of them absolutely NONE!

Truthfulness? Well, they are political animals after all, so ………. NONE!

Transparency? Ok, Tubularsock was just kidding.

So that leaves you and Tubularsock with only one option ………. Hand Size. Which leaves Hillary with no hands at all.

 

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LOOKIN’ AT THE END.

Now Tubularsock was sittin’ on his big fat ……. ahhh, Gothic office chair in his top floor corner office in his underground bunker over looking Washington, D.C. from Oakland, CA when he turned his attention to SCIENCE.

Yes, it is true that at the time Tubularsock was nestled in his lab coat and yes it is white, standing for purity of thought. Because Tubularsock was thinking SCIENCE!

Now, is Political Science truly SCIENCE or is it “pseudoscience”?

Are political polls REAL Science?

And if they are real science why don’t REAL SCIENTISTS with white lab coats do the polls?

Well Political Science is part of the Social Sciences and is considered a “soft” science, meaning it revolves more around subjective interpretations than hard data. Yet, within the study of Political Sciences there are people that call themselves experts in statistical methodology. And it also allows the “soft-scientists” to wear plaid rather than white, a little known fact!

Political science is both a social science and a humanities field. Social sciences analyze and evaluate human behavior, with an emphasis on empirical research. Humanities, in contrast, study human culture and are primarily critical or speculative in nature. Students of political science learn theoretical tools to help make sense of political behavior and analytical skills to help investigate and understand political choices and their consequences.

Political science is methodologically diverse. For example, psephology, game theory, political psychology, and model building are all part of the methods used and because the Political Scientist’s work is based on, concerned with, or verifiable by observation or experience rather than theory or pure logic: they provided considerable empirical evidence to support their arguments.

Which leads Tubularsock to THE ONLY Political Science method that Tubularsock can truly rely upon ……….. RUMPOLOGY!

Butt, what is it,  you ask ……….

It just happens to be the most accurate, prosaic and precise method known.

Rumpology was practiced by the Babylonians, the Indians (from India), the Ancient Greeks and Romans. Well, there is actually no evidence of this except from the proclamations of Jackie Stallone, the American astrologer. But Tubularsock really trusts Rumpology for evaluating political leaders.

AS PROOF Jackie has predicted the outcome of Presidential elections and Oscars by reading the “bottoms” of her two pet Doberman Pinschers. Now tell Tubularsock just how perfect is THAT?

Tubularsock does know what you are thinking right about now but for those that have eyes to see you’ll follow ………

Even if you don’t have eyes to see Rumpology works. At least says Ulf Beck, the blind German clairvoyant. “Ulf claims he can read people’s futures by feeling their naked buttocks!” (Wikipedia) Sure he can …….

Tubularsock realizes at this point that you may think that Ulf is putting this stuff out on the HOT DATES dating service on the web but no …….. he’s clairvoyant!

So enough already!

Rumpology is the practice of “reading” one’s “posterior characteristics”. This can be done by the “hands-on method”, by email using digital photographs or by plaster buttock prints.

And from this information the Rumpologist can: reveal a person’s past and future, diagnose one’s personality, and detect one’s charismatic potential.

In fact Jackie states that, “The crack of your behind corresponds to the division of the two hemispheres of the brain”. So hells-bells, what more does Tubularsock have to say?

Well, Tubularsock figures if we could get the “Butt Prints” from the candidates running for President of the United States and run the “numbers” we could just pick the best candidate and that would be that.

BUTT WAIT!

Tubularsock realizes that it is a radical idea butt hey, THAT IS WHAT TUBULARSOCK IS ALL ABOUT!

Oh, by the way ……. Jackie is Sylvester Stallone’s mother. And DrB, she never dated Henry Kissinger!

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