Archive for the ‘Bull Shit’ Category

NEWS BEFORE IT HAPPENS … NFL

 

 

Editor note: Because “Tubularsock, ‘. . . first hand coverage, second hand news”’ has a distant relationship with the Secretary of The Deplorables, we wish to state here in order to be completely transparent to our readers that the Charm and Brilliance and Honesty and Fortitude of Tubularsock will not inhibit our coverage when dealing with his Critical and Powerful and Forthwith and Outstanding abilities in government service.

Rest assured no bias will be shown in reporting Tubularsock’s Incredible Abilities implementing his duties as Secretary of the Deplorables. Thank you.

 

Washington, D.C. — With little fanfare Tubularsock, The Secretary of the Deplorables was asked by President Trump to temporarily head up the Department of Crisis Management and streamline relief efforts on a multi-front multitasking multi-mission. (MFMTMM).

Before leaving via a low key helicopter from Washington, D.C. our lead reporter Bob was able to have a private news briefing with the Secretary.

 

“Reporter Bob can you hear me?”

“Yes Margret, I’m can.”

“How would you define the mood of this historic disaster trip being taken by the Secretary of The Deplorables, Reporter Bob?”

“Monumental, Margret. This is the second in a series of trips and here comes the Secretary now, Mr. Secretary,

Mr Secretary, Reporter Bob, TubeNews.”

 

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: “Mr. Secretary, Why is it that the President, at this time, has asked you to spearhead relief efforts after all his false starts and mismanagement?”

“Well Bob, President Trump and I were golfing during all of the separate disasters and our caddy César mentioned to us, I believe it was on the seventh or maybe the eighth hole, ahh, no it was the ninth hole while I was choosing an eight iron. Yes, on the ninth hole.

César, as he handed me the eight iron, asked if we were going to send help to his country Puerto Rico. There was some kind of a storm or something.

The President and I laughed and attempted to explain in English that we just can’t help ever foreign country! The President figured that with a name like César he couldn’t be a real American, maybe Roman or something like that.

We explained it very slowly because he was, after all, a foreign national. Mar a Largo hires many foreign laborers via a special work visa set up to help the poor and to provide inexpensive labor to maximize profits. You know, at room rates at $1300 a night even the Trump Family have to make ends meet.

César had thought Puerto Rico was part of the United States of America, poor little brown fellow.

A week or so later President Trump contacted me and gave me this appointment.”

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: “What was the very first crisis you were expected to attempt to deal with, Mr. Secretary?”

“Bob, as Secretary of the Deplorables and Special Director of Crisis Management my first priority was to immediately fly off to the nearest NFL football game with the top-flight-box-seat tickets the U.S Government provided along with my staff and my security detail and all my luggage to defend the flag of our great nation.”

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: “That was prior to this trip?”

“Yes this trip is to set up a forward access information office to oversee relief efforts.”

 

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: Can you fill in for the American public just a little bit about your heroic encounters from your first trip. You just returned last night.”

“Yes Bob, last evening.”

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: “Fill us in, Mr. Secretary.”

“Well as I left the Government provided helicopter and headed for the top-flight-box-seats with my staff and my security detail I realized we were under fire and I crouched down and crawled on my belly to defend our flag moving cautiously to the top-flight-box-seats. Remaining low in the bulletproof-glassed-in box I surveyed the situation.

And YES! As suspected some NLF players were “taking a knee”! I reeled back in complete and utter shock!”

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: “I guess that was all unexpected?”

“Really Bob, I had expected to perhaps engage in more enemy-flag-fire but what was unexpected was bumping into Karen and the Vice crawling out on their way to a campaign stop in LA. I attempted to get the Vice and “mother” to join me in the fight but of course they had the press waiting in the vans outside and didn’t want to inconvenience the press.

So I wished them a safe journey. They are such kind Christians, you know.

Bob, trust me here. When you are protecting the great flag of our great nation form the heights of the top-flight-box-seats of an NFL stadium within a bulletproof-glass-box a lot rushes into your mind. You have to be EVER VIGILANT and the very first thing that raced into my mind as I faced the enemy was, ‘oh say can I see’. By the time I settled down it was half time.”

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: “Well thank you Mr. Secretary for the opportunity to gain a bit more insight into the great sacrificial work you are doing for our country. There is one additional question if you don’t mind and that is that some are saying that the attack by the NFL cost U.S. citizens $200,000.00 of their tax dollars.”

“Yes! The Vice HAD TO fly from Las Vegas on Air Force Two to Indianapolis to crawl on his belly out of the free-fire top-flight-box-seats so as to fly to LA for a campaign speech the following day. And the cost per hour to fly Air Force Two is $42,936.00 BUT let me remind you and the American public, THAT IS THE PRICE OF FREEDOM.”

 

Thank you.”

“And THANK YOU Mr. Secretary, this has been Reporter Bob of TubeNews, reporting live-ish, now back to you Margret in the TubeNews Studio.”

 

 

 

 

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THE PUERTO RICAN SHUFFLE!

Well you can’t beat Trump out Trumping Trump in his goal of being the dumbest retard that has entered into the White House of the United States of America. And Tubularsock isn’t interested in giving those that are dealing with retardation a bad name. And in today’s “correct speak” Tubularsock figures “mentally challenged” has replaced retardation as a more understanding and sensitive term.

EXCEPT NOT when Tubularsock can spot a fucking moronic-retard at thirty paces! And Donald Trump IS AT THE TOP of that definition.

Tubularsock was a bit concerned when the almost catastrophe in Las Vegas didn’t warrant a special golf trophy but after all, it wasn’t a Katrina.

It’s all in who gets killed. But Dumb-Fuck-Lump sent out HIS WARMEST CONDOLENCES to those in Las Vegas which only means a temperature of 30-below. But hey, it’s the best he can do! Explains why Melania won’t hold his hand doesn’t it.

And Congress is sending out their prayers to all of the dead and are getting ready to pass a law to RELAX LAWS ON SILENCERS! And that is because Stephen Paddock, the Las Vegas gunman might have gotten a hearing loss if he hadn’t got himself dead first!

No really, this new law Congress, is wanting to pass, “The Hearing Protection Act”, is to relax laws on silencers so as to protect gun uses from hearing loss. And if Paddock had had the advantage of silencers his success rate at killing would have reach Katrina standards and THAT WOULD CONSTITUTE A CATASTROPHE!

So don’t you worry about any of this! “Sadly, violence will always be part of our lives,” is Sen. Ted Cruz’s take on all this. So Tubularsock has sent Ted an invitation to a Texan Country Western Concert. Tubularsock asked him to wear red.

 

And “People are going to have to take steps in their own lives to take precautions to protect themselves,” the South Dakota Senator John Thune offered up as a solution. Tubularsock invited John and his family to the South Dakota state fair. You know all that wide open space.

 

Oh, and then you have Mitch McConnell from Kentucky who is the Senate Majority Leader with his pearls of wisdom: “I think it’s particularly inappropriate to politicize an event like this, it just happened in the last day-and-a-half. It’s entirely premature to be discussing legislative solutions, if any.” Yep, Tubularsock understands, Mitch, hell the bodies are still warm. Can’t think about machine gun hunting rifles and huge magazines until ahh ……..

So Mitch, agreed to go out hunting with Dick Cheney. Glad that’s settled!

 

And finally, to get real American Main Stream, what is with this hat Melania was wearing when she got off the plane in Puerto Rico?

NO, one has to wonder just how low this country can go. You know like the limbo from Trinidad except in the United States it’s known as the lobotomy and it has worked on the population well enough to elect Orange-Tweet and his plastic family!

 

 

 

 

 

Tubularsock doesn’t want any of you to “drop the ball” but no matter what the NFL does doesn’t really matter very much.

However North Korea is under the belief that our current Orange-Small-Penis-Professional-Tweeter-President has declared WAR on them.

Now where would Kim get that idea?

 

Shit for brains Donald just can’t shut the fuck up. As a world embarrassment Trump takes the chocolate cake. And somebody is going to get killed.

Now if Kim and his boys could hit Mar-a-Lago while Trump and his entire family was visiting Tubularsock would even help North Korea with the coordinates and put a big ol’ X on the spot. But Google Maps would work just as well. And then Tubularsock wouldn’t be hauled into the hoosegow as a accessory. Now just forget Tubularsock even brought this up and take this blog you have in front of you and slip it into Jared’s private emails he has been using to correspond to White House staff a-la-Hillary!

Tubularsock feels so much better. GO KOREA! RAH!

But it’s not even the real problem. The real problem is that Michael Flynn, Jared Kushner, Stephen Bannon met with Saudi King Abdullah in secret, according to recently released documents, to discuss high-stake contracts to sell nuclear technology to Saudi Arabia. This discussion had to do with their personal business interest. Not government business.

As one nuclear expert put it, selling nuclear technology to Saudi Arabia is like selling “a nuclear weapons starter kit”.

“Any proposal to introduce dozens of nuclear reactors to the Middle East, particularly Saudi Arabia, raises many proliferation red flags . . . The Saudis do not need nuclear power and them gaining access could lead to dangerous consequences down the road.”
(Daryl Kimball, Arms Control Association ….. BuzzFeed)

But that didn’t seem to bother Flynn, Kushner, and Bannon! You know they worked for Trump, The Art of the Deal!

Now Tubularsock wants to be fair here. It isn’t just Trump business, remember who helped to introduce nuclear technology to Iraq ……. Dick Cheney and Halliburton.

And funny fact ……. Cheney did it EVEN THOUGH it was against the law OF THE UNITED STATES to sell nuclear technology to Iraq! Another The Art of the Deal!

You see, there is making money and there is protecting the country. When it is making money THEY are all over it!

When it comes to protecting the country (their business interests) YOUR SONS AND DAUGHTERS ARE SENT TO DO THAT JOB!

AND WHAT IS STILL AMAZING TO TUBULARSOCK: YOU CONTINUE TO WAVE THE FUCKING FLAG AS THEY HELP KILL YOUR CHILDREN FOR THEIR PROFIT!

JUST HOW FUCKING STUPID ARE YOU AMERICA ……….

 

 

LET’S WAR SOME MORE!

Well thank the Gods that THAT’S OVER!

Another 9/11 has hit the history dust bin again and we are still in the dark over just which Saudi and Carlyle Group investment scheme helped to do it.

 

But hell that is water under the bridge so really who cares anyway. Everybody is dead and buried and what in the fuck do they want, they all got a gillion dollar memorial and tourist book store!

We’ve got bigger fish to fry!

And by golly we’ll poke somebody with a stick hard enough to have them attack say like a rowboat floating next to the USS BULLSHIT and we’ll have that UNIFYING WAR each president starts to rally the citizen behind the president. NO MATTER HOW FUCKING STUPID HE HAPPENS TO BE!

And before you anal retentive Trumpites get all pushed out of shape over the above sentence, well it refers to Baby Shrub and the gaggle of assholes that occupied his administration.

Not that Orange Tweet isn’t attempting to corner the market on “STUPID” but Shrub beat him to it on this subject.

And it is true that once the “General” took over as “Chief of Staff” Orange Tweet is learning to bend over for the neocons so ALL IS GOOD in dip-shit-land.

So will it be North Korea? Russia? China? Nope, everyone is tried of hearing about them already. Boring!

 

 

No we have to have another Grenada! You remember 1983 and the proposed THREAT TO THE UNITED STATES by the Caribbean Island of Grenada, right?

Parkinson-riddled-brain-dead-Ronald-Reagan sent in 10,000 American troops to protect the U.S. against several hundred lightly armed policemen and Cuban construction workers.

The U.S. military lost 19 and incurred 116 injuries during the eight day “war” but peace came at last and Paul Scoon was reinstated as the Governor-General of Grenada who represented the monarch, Queen Elizabeth II.

And of course the American public supported the invasion even though it was a flagrant violation of international law. Because the United States is a government of laws not of men. Or so the story is told. Go figure that out.

BUT WE WON! And this was our “brave?” military’s first operation conducted after our Grand War with Vietnam which we LOST at pretty much ever criteria one could list.
So you can see how important the War With Grenada (WWG) was then. We really are winners, no really we are, and our military will kill unarmed men, women and children in any number to prove it!

So presently we have an entire 5 sided building filled with dedicated workers finding just the “right” place to attack next in the name of freedom.

Hell we need a win!

 

 

A TUBULARSOCK EXCLUSIVE:
NEWS BEFORE IT HAPPENS!

Ok as usual, Tubularsock has an insider’s perspective into the current administration being that as Secretary of the Deplorables Tubularsock is on the “right” side of the right government policies of The Super-Bigly Great Orange One!

Rumor has it that Tubularsock has positioned himself in the current West Wing of the White House in the boiler-room where he has control of the heating and cooling of the building. Being the ONLY member of the current administration that knows the secret codes for the indoor environment of the White House puts Tubularsock in an enviable power position.

So when it was reviled by the New York Signs, a hostile progressive publication, that the
Secretary of the Deplorables had been subpoenaed by Robert Mueller much anticipation was anticipated. And as that anticipated anticipation grew the left-stream-press concluded that Russia was involved!

 

As Tubularsock, “. . . first hand coverage, second hand news”, a non-biased news outlet has reported through an official, who spoke on condition of anonymity because she was not authorized to speak to the media, that Russia may have a relationship with the Secretary of the Deplorables but this was denied by the administration.

However it was noted by a former Secret Service agent who did not wish to be identified that some ties with the Russian Government may be true. Some documentation was procured from this individual as seen below.

 

“I hasten to point out that in no sense do I claim the ideas I am submitting are a real thing. They constitute a theory, not a thesis”, stated the former Secret Service agent.

But an American official familiar with the talks with Mueller, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak publicly stated, “some pictures are really worth a thousand words”.

Yet the investigation conducted by the sharp-eyed-reporters from Tubularsock, “. . . first hand coverage, second hand news”, a non-biased news outlet has produced an actual photograph that may add some light to the Trump-Tube Russian connection.

 

Now sure Felix Sater has Russian connections! Hell, he’s Russian!

When asked, Tubularsock, Trump’s Secretary of the Deplorables, stated, “Felix Sater is a Russian-American gangster of the old school. You know, a classical American tradition type Eliot Ness gangster. It is this solid American criminal tradition that our President believes in …… make  America Great again!”

Felix Sater has deep financial connections to Trump and to Russia. Felix Sater has been a friend of Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen since childhood, and is an important Trump business partner who worked out of Trump Tower.

But funny, when Donald was asked about his connections with Felix, Trump said, “I’m not that familiar with him.”

Which would be expected for Trump to say especially after his associate Felix Sater, described his ambitions in emails to Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen.

In those emails Sater states, “Our boy can become president of the USA and we can engineer it. I will get all of Putins team to buy in on this, I will manage this process.” (New York Times … for real!)

So we all have, so far, three possible Russian connections with Trump.

The first is the meeting in Trump Tower between Russian agents and Donald Trump Jr., Paul Manafort, and Jared Kushner.

The second connection is the attempt by Republican operative Peter W. Smith to obtain Hillary Clinton’s emails through Russian hackers. According to The Wall Street Journal “Robert Mueller is investigating Michael Flynn’s connection to this operation”.

And the third connection is Felix Sater.

Looks like a full plate.

 

But in truth the Russian connection is there but it is mostly bullshit. The real deal is going to be the evidence that is being collected on financial crimes, including potential money laundering that is where Donald and his family are going to go down!

 

 

 

TRUMP’S SHEETS ARE SHOWING

Damn, WHAT A TOAD! Tubularsock blames Alzheimer-Reagan for the total failures of Trump! Seriously!

It was Bat Shit Crazy Reagan who was responsible for putting the mentally deranged out in the streets and making mental illness a criminal offense rather than a medical issue.

The jails filled up with mental patients because Alzheimer-Reagan wanted to cut back on government assistance to the mentally ill to save money.

And all these years later it has all come home again. The bat-shit-crazy Trump retards put Orange Tweet into power and now we have the office of President filled with Shit-For-Brains.

Hence, a man that can not tell the difference between a Nazi and normal human being.

It is really disgusting to listen to those who are attempting to put lip stick on the Pig Called Trump but hey it doesn’t seem to be working. Some Americans are actually awakening to what is happening.

And when even Corporate CEO’s see standing for Trump may be just too costly to their bottom line are bailing out only tells you just how powerful social-media has become.

And Tubularsock figures that it may cause Macy’s not have their White Sheet Sale this year to avoid the connection between the Nazi, the KKK and Trump-AmeriKKKa!

The smarter move is to push tie-dyed sheets to be on the safe side.

MAY THE SHEETS HIT THE TRUMP FAN!

 

 

 

SCARAMUCCI THE DOUCHE, FLUSHED!

The humor train is still racing down the tracks in Tweet’s White House. Removing Anthony Scaramucci, the ultimate douche-bag, because of his erratic speech patterns such as using “cock blocking” as a government tactic was so shocking EVEN to the pussy grabbing Commander of Sleaze!

“The president certainly felt that Anthony’s comments were inappropriate for a person in that position,” stated Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the White House press secretary.

Hot damn, that is got to be one of the most hypocritical statements so far in this administration. How funny can it get.

The crime is Anthony out Trumped Trump! THAT gets you fucking fired, dude!

Melania Trump and Ivanka were “disgusted” and “offended” by Scaramucci’s expletive-laden interview with the New Yorker Magazine. You know, being both plastic filled women and used to pussy grabbing just finds cock blocking something they have to do every time Orange-Tweet comes near them!

Melania even has gone as far as not even wanting to hold the hand that touches that part of Orange Tweets body. Now that shows good judgement!

 

But there will be more, so stay tuned for ************** the downfall of John Kelly as he ****************

“ENDS THE WHITE HOUSE CHAOS” episode 13.

See the Commander of Chaos chained to his chair just out of reach of the “tweet-machine”. It is called RADICAL INTERVENTION!

Oh, has anyone noticed that the Pentagon is setting up to hit North Korea? Hell folks, it is literally a tweet away form coming to pass. But look over here, as Garfunkel and Oates sings,  “This Party Took a Turn for the Douche”!