Archive for the ‘Bull Shit’ Category

CUT TO THE CHASE!

 

 

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MUELLER DEFECATION HITS THE GROUND RUNNING!

 

“You say you want a revolution
Well, you know
We all want to change the world”

“You say you’ll change the constitution
Well, you know
We all want to change your head

You tell me it’s the institution
Well, you know
You better free you mind instead”
(John Lennon)

Tubularsock was just sitting around his top floor corner office in his underground bunker overlooking Washington, D.C. from Oakland, CA (see THE BUNKER TOUR) and just happened to pick up a copy of the United States Constitution in braille.

Yes indeedy-deed, in braille!

Tubularsock just happens to have a copy of the Constitution of the United States in braille because as you know in America, “justice is blind”!

And what could be more JUST than the Constitution?

Also it only takes about 12 minutes or so to read the entire thing with an additional seven minutes if you wish to read the Bill of Rights, slowly.

But it is the United States Constitution which Tubularsock wishes to draw your attention to.

You see, Bob Mueller has stated, in his recent nine minute statement about the conclusions of his 448 page Report summarized in 4 pages by Attorney General William Barr, that even though Trump DID commit a series of CRIMINAL OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE activities ol’ Bob can’t indict a sitting President for these crimes because of the Constitution.

Of course that led Tubularsock to read the Constitution! Again. NO WHERE IN THE CONSTITUTION does it say ANYTHING about preventing an indictment of a sitting President for obstruction of justice!

NOT ONE WORD.

So where did ol’ Bob come up with that bull shit?

Well there is an Executive-Justice Department RULE preventing him from indicting Trump for his obstruction of justice criminality.

 

This is JUST AN INTERPRETATION, by the Office of Legal Counsel of the Justice Department, of the Constitution!
The Constitution DOES NOT SAY THAT!

So the Department of Justice as well as Robert Mueller may be just FULL OF SHIT!

Now for the question:

The Department of Justice is part of the Executive Branch of the government.

How is it that THEIR interpretation in this case isn’t a conflict of interest in the legal sense?

Anyone in TubeLand know?

Tubularsock is not an expert on the law unless its breaking them.
But don’t be concerned. Tubularsock wears disguises.

So the only way for this issue to be resolved is by the Supreme Court and to give you an example how clear the Supreme Court has been on this type of issue let Judge Tubularsock present exhibit A and exhibit B.
EXHIBIT A:

Nixon v. Fitzgerald, a 1982 decision, the court ruled that the president had immunity from civil lawsuits arising from his actions in office.

Well THAT’S CLEAR!

EXHIBIT B:

Clinton v. Jones, a 1997 decision, the justices ruled that the president enjoyed no immunity from civil suits arising from his conduct while he was not in office.

And this too is clear.

So …….. we are back where we started:

Going back to before Nixon, the Justice Department rules that you cannot indict a sitting President …… YOU HAVE TO IMPEACH HIM!

So the catch 22 is that the Justice Department would have to disobey their own rule and indict Trump AND THEN Trump would take his case to the Supreme Court.

But that won’t happen because the Justice Department won’t indict so there is no case.

Oh sure, the Department of Justice could change their “rule” (because it is ONLY an interpretation) and then indict or the Congress could make an Amendment to the Constitution to clear this all up BUT everyone reading this right now would be dead before that process was complete.

Comforting isn’t it.

So it is not an understatement to say that THIS is a Constitutional Crisis and Impeachment is the only way to proceed to resolve the Trump problem.

And if you review Vol.2 of the Mueller Report you’ll find OVERWHELMING evidence that Trump obstructed justice. But unless Congress wants to REALLY stand up for the RULE OF LAW then no contest!

Oh, by the way ……. they all still receive their paychecks on time and their campaign contributions …….. Ahhhh, life is good!

THE WALL AND THE EMPEROR HAS NO CLOTHES SO GIVE HIM A HAT!

 

Tubularsock has been busy with planning the New Trump Wall that isn’t and therein lies the beauty.

You see a show down is really a waste of time and to carry it on is just boring to we political junkies.

So here is a foolproof plan and the cost is negligible.

You see Trump himself has solved the problem and all it will take is for the Democrats to accept the solution and even praise Donnie for his brilliance. Ok, that my be overstating the outcome but Tubularsock’s plan IS brilliant, foolproof, and fact free!

 

Donnie, regardless of reality, has been repeating that his Wall is being worked on and will be completed right now.

He has stated that he will not wait for committees to work through all this mess and that he is having the wall built NOW.

(an aside: in the real world NOTHING has been done at the border except some fence repair but with the exception of a few hundred thousand dollars for several prototypes of possible wall types NOTHING has been done. Or a clearer way of saying this, NOTHING HAS BEEN DONE IN TERMS OF WALL BUILDING AT THE BORDER, NOTHING!)

So Donnie keeps saying that the wall IS BEING BUILT right now but there IS NO WALL.

Enough already!

The Tubularsock Solution (and don’t thank me now):

The Democrats proclaim that the Trump Wall has been completed.

Trump will praise himself that he has accomplished the impossible and that NO OTHER president in the history of the United States has EVER completed such a BIGLY wall!

The Trumpites will BELIEVE because they lack intelligence and FOX will praise Trump’s fortitude. And really, who ever goes to the the border anyway? So it’s all good.

And everything is safe and sane in Mudville.

Mission Accomplished. If you accept this mission proceed. This message will self destruct in five seconds. Good luck.

 

THE DEAD CAN DANCE MIDTERMS

Now here is a happy election note for one to play on their Horny-Trumpet!

It appears that Dennis Hof, the Trump-Ass-Hole-Like brothel owner, a true total PIG of a man, won his Nevada’s 36th Assembly District by a LANDSLIDE victory.

And it really shows the depth of intelligence of the Republicans in Nevada’s 36th Assembly District because HE’S DEAD!

Yep, Dennis died three weeks BEFORE the election after his celebrating his 72nd birthday by OVER partying.

But even though he was dead the Republicans in the district voted to have him represent them by 63% of the vote.

Maybe because they are DUMB or maybe because they had voted overwhelmingly for another loser a couple of years back, Donnie Trump.

But there is an argument to be made that the Republican’s in the 36th Assembly District voted for the dead Hof in order not to flip the seat to the Democrats. Which may be a possibility. And this could hold water for Tubularsock except Tubularsock has been in this part of Nevada and brilliance is not a strong suit!

But Tubularsock will give them this; that in the 36th Assembly District they would have been better off electing a rattle snake rather than a gross dead pig!

 

Now both Dennis and Donnie had a lot in common.

First they BOTH are 72. Hmmm. Maybe that’s a sign.

And second, Dennis wrote a book, “The Art of the Pimp” (Tubularsock is not kidding here) based on Donnie’s “The Art of the Deal”.

Damn they are like brothers! Both FAT, STUPID, and INTELLECTUALLY VOID!

But why should those qualities stand in the way of a Republican?

You see Republicans in this election went ahead and voted in two other Republican candidates that have current Indictments against them.

Rep. Duncan Hunter (R), 50th District of California with a 60-count indictment on felony charges of wire fraud and campaign finance violations.

Rep. Chris Collins (R), 27th District of New York with an indictment on federal insider trading charges.

But hey, crooks have to make a living too! Why not have them represent you in government with their friends.

Once people get an eye opening event with the Trump tax returns …….. will any of the Republicans even take note?

Ok maybe a C-note. It’s par for the Republican mind set.

Now don’t get Tubularsock wrong here. All this is not to say that the Republicans are the only ones that have dirty laundry.

The Clinton’s are right up there with the Republican criminal element for sure. They all belong to the same social circles and private clubs and even play golf together at times.

And no surprise, the people that AREN’T in those circles are YOU and your friends!

BUT IT’S YOU that pays the price …….. do you get that, yet?

 

So now we have the dead being elected and the voters with their addresses listed as the local cemetery must be voting for their own kind.

So all this “voter fraud” being bantered around is really only sour grapes because the dead representatives are just being elected by the cemetery crowd and thereby just being supportive of their base!

Ahhhh ………. all’s good with democracy!

 

IS NOTHING SACRED?

 

Oh sure, times have changed but really, is there nothing sacred any longer?

Hope Hicks, President Orange Tweets’ longest-serving and most trusted adviser
has stepped down from her position as White House communications director.

And it only took nine hours with the House Intelligence Committee to admit,
“that she was occasionally required to tell ‘white lies’ as part of her job”.

But she denied lying about anything relevant to the investigation into alleged Russian meddling in the 2016 election!

White House spokeswoman Sarah Sanders stated that Hope Hicks’s “. . . resignation was not connected to testimony she gave to the House Intelligence Committee on Tuesday.

Which is of course an OUT AND OUT LIE because Sarah Sanders’s job is to tell OUT AND OUT LIES not “white lies” which was Hope Hick’s job.

 

As you can see it is all very logical!

But really, talking about “MISSION IMPOSSIBLE”!

Communications Director for an inept imbecile?

This message will self destruct in three and a half seconds whether you take the mission or not ……… Poof!

 

PASS THE VODKA: NEWS BEFORE IT HAPPENS!

HOT BREAKING NEWS
Trump’s Secretary of the Deplorables indicted by Mueller!

Washington D.C. …. like today’s date, 2018

The investigation into allegations that members of Donald Trump’s campaign staff as well as his present advisors are/were in cohorts with the Russians has been the top story. Until all the allegations of who grabbed who’s pussy and which breast was fondled by which actor, writer, minister, politician, and third grade principal became the dominate story of the messed-up-media!

And then all shit broke loose with “shitholes” and combined with pussy un-coverage and 18 hole golf courses and it appears we Americans are a little obsessed with orifices.

However here at TUBULARSOCK, “. . . first hand coverage, second hand news.” we just follow the leads that led to the leaders who have leverage their lean toward Moscow.

Editor note: Due to the controversial nature of this story and the possible view that we may have a conflict of interest covering Tubularsock, The Secretary of the Deplorables, the staff and management of Tubularsock, “. . . first hand coverage, second news” have provided our in-depth facts to a respected news source from London, The Daily Fail, the conservative news propaganda source and outraged sensational lurid and vulgar tabloid.

Washington, D.C. Today’s date, Alfred Queen reporting for the Daily Fail, London.

It has been reported that Trump’s Secretary of the Deplorables, Tubularsock, has been indicted by Robert Mueller for possible, almost, pretty close to involvement into Russian counterintelligence.

 

Immediately, President Trump came out in his typical full support of his Secretary of the Deplorables!

 

 

At a rapidly called press conference Secretary Tubularsock passed out the following press release indicating to all that he has NOT, in any way, been influenced by Russia as shown here and clearly expressed:

Тубуларсокк не знает каких-либо русских и не имел никаких взаимосвязанных с Россией вопросов, в том числе отказываясь использовать русскую одежду в своих американских салатах!***

Тубуларсокк никогда не рискнул бы своим верхним пропуском, чтобы как он, так и Джаред Кушнер, взяв наличными в небольшие немаркированные конфессии на стволе-головке для распределения на всей территории тубуларсокк с береговыми счетами.***2

(Tubularsock thanks his friend, the Russian Ambassador in Washington, D.C Anatoly Antonov for his assistance in translation even though Tubularsock emphasizes Tubularsock knows nothing about any assistance in translating or the Russian infused vodka-whore party at the embassy on February 23, 2016.)

Translations of above statements:

***Tubularsock does not know any Russians nor have had any dealings with Russia including refusing to use Russian Dressing on his American salads!

***2 Tubularsock would NEVER risk his top security clearance, that both he and Jared Kushner have, by taking cash in small unmarked denominations on the barrel-head for distribution throughout Tubularsock’s off shore accounts.

So it is clear that Mueller is putting the pressure on the Trump Administration by attempting to taint Trump’s closest advisor Secretary Tubularsock.

 

As Tubularsock says: “вы не можете быть более достойными, чем тубуларсокк!”***3

***3 “You can’t get more deplorable than Tubularsock!”

This is an on-going story and updates will be updated when updates are updated as long as no apple-carts are overturned!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NEWS BEFORE IT HAPPENS … NFL

 

 

Editor note: Because “Tubularsock, ‘. . . first hand coverage, second hand news”’ has a distant relationship with the Secretary of The Deplorables, we wish to state here in order to be completely transparent to our readers that the Charm and Brilliance and Honesty and Fortitude of Tubularsock will not inhibit our coverage when dealing with his Critical and Powerful and Forthwith and Outstanding abilities in government service.

Rest assured no bias will be shown in reporting Tubularsock’s Incredible Abilities implementing his duties as Secretary of the Deplorables. Thank you.

 

Washington, D.C. — With little fanfare Tubularsock, The Secretary of the Deplorables was asked by President Trump to temporarily head up the Department of Crisis Management and streamline relief efforts on a multi-front multitasking multi-mission. (MFMTMM).

Before leaving via a low key helicopter from Washington, D.C. our lead reporter Bob was able to have a private news briefing with the Secretary.

 

“Reporter Bob can you hear me?”

“Yes Margret, I’m can.”

“How would you define the mood of this historic disaster trip being taken by the Secretary of The Deplorables, Reporter Bob?”

“Monumental, Margret. This is the second in a series of trips and here comes the Secretary now, Mr. Secretary,

Mr Secretary, Reporter Bob, TubeNews.”

 

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: “Mr. Secretary, Why is it that the President, at this time, has asked you to spearhead relief efforts after all his false starts and mismanagement?”

“Well Bob, President Trump and I were golfing during all of the separate disasters and our caddy César mentioned to us, I believe it was on the seventh or maybe the eighth hole, ahh, no it was the ninth hole while I was choosing an eight iron. Yes, on the ninth hole.

César, as he handed me the eight iron, asked if we were going to send help to his country Puerto Rico. There was some kind of a storm or something.

The President and I laughed and attempted to explain in English that we just can’t help ever foreign country! The President figured that with a name like César he couldn’t be a real American, maybe Roman or something like that.

We explained it very slowly because he was, after all, a foreign national. Mar a Largo hires many foreign laborers via a special work visa set up to help the poor and to provide inexpensive labor to maximize profits. You know, at room rates at $1300 a night even the Trump Family have to make ends meet.

César had thought Puerto Rico was part of the United States of America, poor little brown fellow.

A week or so later President Trump contacted me and gave me this appointment.”

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: “What was the very first crisis you were expected to attempt to deal with, Mr. Secretary?”

“Bob, as Secretary of the Deplorables and Special Director of Crisis Management my first priority was to immediately fly off to the nearest NFL football game with the top-flight-box-seat tickets the U.S Government provided along with my staff and my security detail and all my luggage to defend the flag of our great nation.”

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: “That was prior to this trip?”

“Yes this trip is to set up a forward access information office to oversee relief efforts.”

 

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: Can you fill in for the American public just a little bit about your heroic encounters from your first trip. You just returned last night.”

“Yes Bob, last evening.”

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: “Fill us in, Mr. Secretary.”

“Well as I left the Government provided helicopter and headed for the top-flight-box-seats with my staff and my security detail I realized we were under fire and I crouched down and crawled on my belly to defend our flag moving cautiously to the top-flight-box-seats. Remaining low in the bulletproof-glassed-in box I surveyed the situation.

And YES! As suspected some NLF players were “taking a knee”! I reeled back in complete and utter shock!”

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: “I guess that was all unexpected?”

“Really Bob, I had expected to perhaps engage in more enemy-flag-fire but what was unexpected was bumping into Karen and the Vice crawling out on their way to a campaign stop in LA. I attempted to get the Vice and “mother” to join me in the fight but of course they had the press waiting in the vans outside and didn’t want to inconvenience the press.

So I wished them a safe journey. They are such kind Christians, you know.

Bob, trust me here. When you are protecting the great flag of our great nation form the heights of the top-flight-box-seats of an NFL stadium within a bulletproof-glass-box a lot rushes into your mind. You have to be EVER VIGILANT and the very first thing that raced into my mind as I faced the enemy was, ‘oh say can I see’. By the time I settled down it was half time.”

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: “Well thank you Mr. Secretary for the opportunity to gain a bit more insight into the great sacrificial work you are doing for our country. There is one additional question if you don’t mind and that is that some are saying that the attack by the NFL cost U.S. citizens $200,000.00 of their tax dollars.”

“Yes! The Vice HAD TO fly from Las Vegas on Air Force Two to Indianapolis to crawl on his belly out of the free-fire top-flight-box-seats so as to fly to LA for a campaign speech the following day. And the cost per hour to fly Air Force Two is $42,936.00 BUT let me remind you and the American public, THAT IS THE PRICE OF FREEDOM.”

 

Thank you.”

“And THANK YOU Mr. Secretary, this has been Reporter Bob of TubeNews, reporting live-ish, now back to you Margret in the TubeNews Studio.”