Archive for the ‘Bull Shit’ Category

THE DEAD CAN DANCE MIDTERMS

Now here is a happy election note for one to play on their Horny-Trumpet!

It appears that Dennis Hof, the Trump-Ass-Hole-Like brothel owner, a true total PIG of a man, won his Nevada’s 36th Assembly District by a LANDSLIDE victory.

And it really shows the depth of intelligence of the Republicans in Nevada’s 36th Assembly District because HE’S DEAD!

Yep, Dennis died three weeks BEFORE the election after his celebrating his 72nd birthday by OVER partying.

But even though he was dead the Republicans in the district voted to have him represent them by 63% of the vote.

Maybe because they are DUMB or maybe because they had voted overwhelmingly for another loser a couple of years back, Donnie Trump.

But there is an argument to be made that the Republican’s in the 36th Assembly District voted for the dead Hof in order not to flip the seat to the Democrats. Which may be a possibility. And this could hold water for Tubularsock except Tubularsock has been in this part of Nevada and brilliance is not a strong suit!

But Tubularsock will give them this; that in the 36th Assembly District they would have been better off electing a rattle snake rather than a gross dead pig!

 

Now both Dennis and Donnie had a lot in common.

First they BOTH are 72. Hmmm. Maybe that’s a sign.

And second, Dennis wrote a book, “The Art of the Pimp” (Tubularsock is not kidding here) based on Donnie’s “The Art of the Deal”.

Damn they are like brothers! Both FAT, STUPID, and INTELLECTUALLY VOID!

But why should those qualities stand in the way of a Republican?

You see Republicans in this election went ahead and voted in two other Republican candidates that have current Indictments against them.

Rep. Duncan Hunter (R), 50th District of California with a 60-count indictment on felony charges of wire fraud and campaign finance violations.

Rep. Chris Collins (R), 27th District of New York with an indictment on federal insider trading charges.

But hey, crooks have to make a living too! Why not have them represent you in government with their friends.

Once people get an eye opening event with the Trump tax returns …….. will any of the Republicans even take note?

Ok maybe a C-note. It’s par for the Republican mind set.

Now don’t get Tubularsock wrong here. All this is not to say that the Republicans are the only ones that have dirty laundry.

The Clinton’s are right up there with the Republican criminal element for sure. They all belong to the same social circles and private clubs and even play golf together at times.

And no surprise, the people that AREN’T in those circles are YOU and your friends!

BUT IT’S YOU that pays the price …….. do you get that, yet?

 

So now we have the dead being elected and the voters with their addresses listed as the local cemetery must be voting for their own kind.

So all this “voter fraud” being bantered around is really only sour grapes because the dead representatives are just being elected by the cemetery crowd and thereby just being supportive of their base!

Ahhhh ………. all’s good with democracy!

 

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IS NOTHING SACRED?

 

Oh sure, times have changed but really, is there nothing sacred any longer?

Hope Hicks, President Orange Tweets’ longest-serving and most trusted adviser
has stepped down from her position as White House communications director.

And it only took nine hours with the House Intelligence Committee to admit,
“that she was occasionally required to tell ‘white lies’ as part of her job”.

But she denied lying about anything relevant to the investigation into alleged Russian meddling in the 2016 election!

White House spokeswoman Sarah Sanders stated that Hope Hicks’s “. . . resignation was not connected to testimony she gave to the House Intelligence Committee on Tuesday.

Which is of course an OUT AND OUT LIE because Sarah Sanders’s job is to tell OUT AND OUT LIES not “white lies” which was Hope Hick’s job.

 

As you can see it is all very logical!

But really, talking about “MISSION IMPOSSIBLE”!

Communications Director for an inept imbecile?

This message will self destruct in three and a half seconds whether you take the mission or not ……… Poof!

 

PASS THE VODKA: NEWS BEFORE IT HAPPENS!

HOT BREAKING NEWS
Trump’s Secretary of the Deplorables indicted by Mueller!

Washington D.C. …. like today’s date, 2018

The investigation into allegations that members of Donald Trump’s campaign staff as well as his present advisors are/were in cohorts with the Russians has been the top story. Until all the allegations of who grabbed who’s pussy and which breast was fondled by which actor, writer, minister, politician, and third grade principal became the dominate story of the messed-up-media!

And then all shit broke loose with “shitholes” and combined with pussy un-coverage and 18 hole golf courses and it appears we Americans are a little obsessed with orifices.

However here at TUBULARSOCK, “. . . first hand coverage, second hand news.” we just follow the leads that led to the leaders who have leverage their lean toward Moscow.

Editor note: Due to the controversial nature of this story and the possible view that we may have a conflict of interest covering Tubularsock, The Secretary of the Deplorables, the staff and management of Tubularsock, “. . . first hand coverage, second news” have provided our in-depth facts to a respected news source from London, The Daily Fail, the conservative news propaganda source and outraged sensational lurid and vulgar tabloid.

Washington, D.C. Today’s date, Alfred Queen reporting for the Daily Fail, London.

It has been reported that Trump’s Secretary of the Deplorables, Tubularsock, has been indicted by Robert Mueller for possible, almost, pretty close to involvement into Russian counterintelligence.

 

Immediately, President Trump came out in his typical full support of his Secretary of the Deplorables!

 

 

At a rapidly called press conference Secretary Tubularsock passed out the following press release indicating to all that he has NOT, in any way, been influenced by Russia as shown here and clearly expressed:

Тубуларсокк не знает каких-либо русских и не имел никаких взаимосвязанных с Россией вопросов, в том числе отказываясь использовать русскую одежду в своих американских салатах!***

Тубуларсокк никогда не рискнул бы своим верхним пропуском, чтобы как он, так и Джаред Кушнер, взяв наличными в небольшие немаркированные конфессии на стволе-головке для распределения на всей территории тубуларсокк с береговыми счетами.***2

(Tubularsock thanks his friend, the Russian Ambassador in Washington, D.C Anatoly Antonov for his assistance in translation even though Tubularsock emphasizes Tubularsock knows nothing about any assistance in translating or the Russian infused vodka-whore party at the embassy on February 23, 2016.)

Translations of above statements:

***Tubularsock does not know any Russians nor have had any dealings with Russia including refusing to use Russian Dressing on his American salads!

***2 Tubularsock would NEVER risk his top security clearance, that both he and Jared Kushner have, by taking cash in small unmarked denominations on the barrel-head for distribution throughout Tubularsock’s off shore accounts.

So it is clear that Mueller is putting the pressure on the Trump Administration by attempting to taint Trump’s closest advisor Secretary Tubularsock.

 

As Tubularsock says: “вы не можете быть более достойными, чем тубуларсокк!”***3

***3 “You can’t get more deplorable than Tubularsock!”

This is an on-going story and updates will be updated when updates are updated as long as no apple-carts are overturned!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NEWS BEFORE IT HAPPENS … NFL

 

 

Editor note: Because “Tubularsock, ‘. . . first hand coverage, second hand news”’ has a distant relationship with the Secretary of The Deplorables, we wish to state here in order to be completely transparent to our readers that the Charm and Brilliance and Honesty and Fortitude of Tubularsock will not inhibit our coverage when dealing with his Critical and Powerful and Forthwith and Outstanding abilities in government service.

Rest assured no bias will be shown in reporting Tubularsock’s Incredible Abilities implementing his duties as Secretary of the Deplorables. Thank you.

 

Washington, D.C. — With little fanfare Tubularsock, The Secretary of the Deplorables was asked by President Trump to temporarily head up the Department of Crisis Management and streamline relief efforts on a multi-front multitasking multi-mission. (MFMTMM).

Before leaving via a low key helicopter from Washington, D.C. our lead reporter Bob was able to have a private news briefing with the Secretary.

 

“Reporter Bob can you hear me?”

“Yes Margret, I’m can.”

“How would you define the mood of this historic disaster trip being taken by the Secretary of The Deplorables, Reporter Bob?”

“Monumental, Margret. This is the second in a series of trips and here comes the Secretary now, Mr. Secretary,

Mr Secretary, Reporter Bob, TubeNews.”

 

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: “Mr. Secretary, Why is it that the President, at this time, has asked you to spearhead relief efforts after all his false starts and mismanagement?”

“Well Bob, President Trump and I were golfing during all of the separate disasters and our caddy César mentioned to us, I believe it was on the seventh or maybe the eighth hole, ahh, no it was the ninth hole while I was choosing an eight iron. Yes, on the ninth hole.

César, as he handed me the eight iron, asked if we were going to send help to his country Puerto Rico. There was some kind of a storm or something.

The President and I laughed and attempted to explain in English that we just can’t help ever foreign country! The President figured that with a name like César he couldn’t be a real American, maybe Roman or something like that.

We explained it very slowly because he was, after all, a foreign national. Mar a Largo hires many foreign laborers via a special work visa set up to help the poor and to provide inexpensive labor to maximize profits. You know, at room rates at $1300 a night even the Trump Family have to make ends meet.

César had thought Puerto Rico was part of the United States of America, poor little brown fellow.

A week or so later President Trump contacted me and gave me this appointment.”

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: “What was the very first crisis you were expected to attempt to deal with, Mr. Secretary?”

“Bob, as Secretary of the Deplorables and Special Director of Crisis Management my first priority was to immediately fly off to the nearest NFL football game with the top-flight-box-seat tickets the U.S Government provided along with my staff and my security detail and all my luggage to defend the flag of our great nation.”

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: “That was prior to this trip?”

“Yes this trip is to set up a forward access information office to oversee relief efforts.”

 

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: Can you fill in for the American public just a little bit about your heroic encounters from your first trip. You just returned last night.”

“Yes Bob, last evening.”

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: “Fill us in, Mr. Secretary.”

“Well as I left the Government provided helicopter and headed for the top-flight-box-seats with my staff and my security detail I realized we were under fire and I crouched down and crawled on my belly to defend our flag moving cautiously to the top-flight-box-seats. Remaining low in the bulletproof-glassed-in box I surveyed the situation.

And YES! As suspected some NLF players were “taking a knee”! I reeled back in complete and utter shock!”

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: “I guess that was all unexpected?”

“Really Bob, I had expected to perhaps engage in more enemy-flag-fire but what was unexpected was bumping into Karen and the Vice crawling out on their way to a campaign stop in LA. I attempted to get the Vice and “mother” to join me in the fight but of course they had the press waiting in the vans outside and didn’t want to inconvenience the press.

So I wished them a safe journey. They are such kind Christians, you know.

Bob, trust me here. When you are protecting the great flag of our great nation form the heights of the top-flight-box-seats of an NFL stadium within a bulletproof-glass-box a lot rushes into your mind. You have to be EVER VIGILANT and the very first thing that raced into my mind as I faced the enemy was, ‘oh say can I see’. By the time I settled down it was half time.”

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: “Well thank you Mr. Secretary for the opportunity to gain a bit more insight into the great sacrificial work you are doing for our country. There is one additional question if you don’t mind and that is that some are saying that the attack by the NFL cost U.S. citizens $200,000.00 of their tax dollars.”

“Yes! The Vice HAD TO fly from Las Vegas on Air Force Two to Indianapolis to crawl on his belly out of the free-fire top-flight-box-seats so as to fly to LA for a campaign speech the following day. And the cost per hour to fly Air Force Two is $42,936.00 BUT let me remind you and the American public, THAT IS THE PRICE OF FREEDOM.”

 

Thank you.”

“And THANK YOU Mr. Secretary, this has been Reporter Bob of TubeNews, reporting live-ish, now back to you Margret in the TubeNews Studio.”

 

 

 

 

THE PUERTO RICAN SHUFFLE!

Well you can’t beat Trump out Trumping Trump in his goal of being the dumbest retard that has entered into the White House of the United States of America. And Tubularsock isn’t interested in giving those that are dealing with retardation a bad name. And in today’s “correct speak” Tubularsock figures “mentally challenged” has replaced retardation as a more understanding and sensitive term.

EXCEPT NOT when Tubularsock can spot a fucking moronic-retard at thirty paces! And Donald Trump IS AT THE TOP of that definition.

Tubularsock was a bit concerned when the almost catastrophe in Las Vegas didn’t warrant a special golf trophy but after all, it wasn’t a Katrina.

It’s all in who gets killed. But Dumb-Fuck-Lump sent out HIS WARMEST CONDOLENCES to those in Las Vegas which only means a temperature of 30-below. But hey, it’s the best he can do! Explains why Melania won’t hold his hand doesn’t it.

And Congress is sending out their prayers to all of the dead and are getting ready to pass a law to RELAX LAWS ON SILENCERS! And that is because Stephen Paddock, the Las Vegas gunman might have gotten a hearing loss if he hadn’t got himself dead first!

No really, this new law Congress, is wanting to pass, “The Hearing Protection Act”, is to relax laws on silencers so as to protect gun uses from hearing loss. And if Paddock had had the advantage of silencers his success rate at killing would have reach Katrina standards and THAT WOULD CONSTITUTE A CATASTROPHE!

So don’t you worry about any of this! “Sadly, violence will always be part of our lives,” is Sen. Ted Cruz’s take on all this. So Tubularsock has sent Ted an invitation to a Texan Country Western Concert. Tubularsock asked him to wear red.

 

And “People are going to have to take steps in their own lives to take precautions to protect themselves,” the South Dakota Senator John Thune offered up as a solution. Tubularsock invited John and his family to the South Dakota state fair. You know all that wide open space.

 

Oh, and then you have Mitch McConnell from Kentucky who is the Senate Majority Leader with his pearls of wisdom: “I think it’s particularly inappropriate to politicize an event like this, it just happened in the last day-and-a-half. It’s entirely premature to be discussing legislative solutions, if any.” Yep, Tubularsock understands, Mitch, hell the bodies are still warm. Can’t think about machine gun hunting rifles and huge magazines until ahh ……..

So Mitch, agreed to go out hunting with Dick Cheney. Glad that’s settled!

 

And finally, to get real American Main Stream, what is with this hat Melania was wearing when she got off the plane in Puerto Rico?

NO, one has to wonder just how low this country can go. You know like the limbo from Trinidad except in the United States it’s known as the lobotomy and it has worked on the population well enough to elect Orange-Tweet and his plastic family!

 

 

 

 

 

Tubularsock doesn’t want any of you to “drop the ball” but no matter what the NFL does doesn’t really matter very much.

However North Korea is under the belief that our current Orange-Small-Penis-Professional-Tweeter-President has declared WAR on them.

Now where would Kim get that idea?

 

Shit for brains Donald just can’t shut the fuck up. As a world embarrassment Trump takes the chocolate cake. And somebody is going to get killed.

Now if Kim and his boys could hit Mar-a-Lago while Trump and his entire family was visiting Tubularsock would even help North Korea with the coordinates and put a big ol’ X on the spot. But Google Maps would work just as well. And then Tubularsock wouldn’t be hauled into the hoosegow as a accessory. Now just forget Tubularsock even brought this up and take this blog you have in front of you and slip it into Jared’s private emails he has been using to correspond to White House staff a-la-Hillary!

Tubularsock feels so much better. GO KOREA! RAH!

But it’s not even the real problem. The real problem is that Michael Flynn, Jared Kushner, Stephen Bannon met with Saudi King Abdullah in secret, according to recently released documents, to discuss high-stake contracts to sell nuclear technology to Saudi Arabia. This discussion had to do with their personal business interest. Not government business.

As one nuclear expert put it, selling nuclear technology to Saudi Arabia is like selling “a nuclear weapons starter kit”.

“Any proposal to introduce dozens of nuclear reactors to the Middle East, particularly Saudi Arabia, raises many proliferation red flags . . . The Saudis do not need nuclear power and them gaining access could lead to dangerous consequences down the road.”
(Daryl Kimball, Arms Control Association ….. BuzzFeed)

But that didn’t seem to bother Flynn, Kushner, and Bannon! You know they worked for Trump, The Art of the Deal!

Now Tubularsock wants to be fair here. It isn’t just Trump business, remember who helped to introduce nuclear technology to Iraq ……. Dick Cheney and Halliburton.

And funny fact ……. Cheney did it EVEN THOUGH it was against the law OF THE UNITED STATES to sell nuclear technology to Iraq! Another The Art of the Deal!

You see, there is making money and there is protecting the country. When it is making money THEY are all over it!

When it comes to protecting the country (their business interests) YOUR SONS AND DAUGHTERS ARE SENT TO DO THAT JOB!

AND WHAT IS STILL AMAZING TO TUBULARSOCK: YOU CONTINUE TO WAVE THE FUCKING FLAG AS THEY HELP KILL YOUR CHILDREN FOR THEIR PROFIT!

JUST HOW FUCKING STUPID ARE YOU AMERICA ……….

 

 

LET’S WAR SOME MORE!

Well thank the Gods that THAT’S OVER!

Another 9/11 has hit the history dust bin again and we are still in the dark over just which Saudi and Carlyle Group investment scheme helped to do it.

 

But hell that is water under the bridge so really who cares anyway. Everybody is dead and buried and what in the fuck do they want, they all got a gillion dollar memorial and tourist book store!

We’ve got bigger fish to fry!

And by golly we’ll poke somebody with a stick hard enough to have them attack say like a rowboat floating next to the USS BULLSHIT and we’ll have that UNIFYING WAR each president starts to rally the citizen behind the president. NO MATTER HOW FUCKING STUPID HE HAPPENS TO BE!

And before you anal retentive Trumpites get all pushed out of shape over the above sentence, well it refers to Baby Shrub and the gaggle of assholes that occupied his administration.

Not that Orange Tweet isn’t attempting to corner the market on “STUPID” but Shrub beat him to it on this subject.

And it is true that once the “General” took over as “Chief of Staff” Orange Tweet is learning to bend over for the neocons so ALL IS GOOD in dip-shit-land.

So will it be North Korea? Russia? China? Nope, everyone is tried of hearing about them already. Boring!

 

 

No we have to have another Grenada! You remember 1983 and the proposed THREAT TO THE UNITED STATES by the Caribbean Island of Grenada, right?

Parkinson-riddled-brain-dead-Ronald-Reagan sent in 10,000 American troops to protect the U.S. against several hundred lightly armed policemen and Cuban construction workers.

The U.S. military lost 19 and incurred 116 injuries during the eight day “war” but peace came at last and Paul Scoon was reinstated as the Governor-General of Grenada who represented the monarch, Queen Elizabeth II.

And of course the American public supported the invasion even though it was a flagrant violation of international law. Because the United States is a government of laws not of men. Or so the story is told. Go figure that out.

BUT WE WON! And this was our “brave?” military’s first operation conducted after our Grand War with Vietnam which we LOST at pretty much ever criteria one could list.
So you can see how important the War With Grenada (WWG) was then. We really are winners, no really we are, and our military will kill unarmed men, women and children in any number to prove it!

So presently we have an entire 5 sided building filled with dedicated workers finding just the “right” place to attack next in the name of freedom.

Hell we need a win!