Archive for the ‘Christmas Jobs’ Category

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Christmas Employment Scam Or Miracle?

The Associated Press should have reported that a part time employee of the Vatican has somehow maneuvered his way to possibly a full time position. After meeting in a secret Conclave with the Cardinals and blowing white smoke up their, ahh ……..

“It is truly a Christmas Miracle” said a Cardinal who is familiar with the Conclave apparatus and who asked not to be identified because of his Vatican security clearance.

TIME Magazine has reported that some very fast adaptations had to be performed to keep abreast with the fluidity of the current series of events.

 According to TMZ’s celebrity gossip they should have reported that a miracle has been performed and TIME had to adopted quickly. 

Here at TUBULARSOCK, “. . . first hand coverage, second hand news” we were reluctant to get too involved because of the appearance of a conflict of interest. But the editor finally said, “fuck that! … news is news whether all the facts are lined up like ducks or not.

And like some guy said once, “The message is that there are no “knowns.” There are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say there are things that we now know we don’t know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we do not know we don’t know.”

That being said, TUBULARSOCK, “. . . first hand coverage, second hand news” stands by all the known knowns information AND A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS! And two pictures are worth ……… you do the math!

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Some have indicated that there may be some type of meaning between the two TIME covers. A CIA analyst contacted by news organizations who has access to top secret information on the issue who wishes to remain anonymous because she has not been authorized to say anything about anything has indicated that there has been absolutely no photo manipulation what-so-ever. “Everything appears to be on the up and up but  Langley feels that there may be some Iranian influence or perhaps a Syrian chemical weapons link to this entire episode. The carpet bombing of the Vatican has not been removed from the table”, she stated from a secure phone from Virginia.

For sure ……….. you have heard it FIRST from TUBULARSOCK, “. . . first hand coverage, second hand news.”

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Oh sure. The economy is in an upswing.

The job numbers show signs of improvement.

Sure they do ………..

Well everything’s a trick when it comes to government figures.

You see there are more people going back to work because the job numbers reflect the government workers, that were put on furlough during the shut-down, that are now back at work. Now, that’s sly.

And there is an influx of part time holiday workers that have gotten jobs to fight off the Black Friday onslaught so those jobs are counted in the job numbers.

And of course people that stop looking for work aren’t counted at all. But nobody counts them! There could be six people or five million but if nobody counts them then the numbers look better on that new employment graph.

Wow. Tubularsock has gotten off track again. All Tubularsock wanted to do was explain HIS process in getting a job over the Christmas part time employment spike.

And Tubularsock will admit right here that for many of you you really couldn’t do the job that Tubularsock has been hired to do because of Tubularsock’s stellar abilities.

Now, trust me. This is not bravado this is just the TRUTH as Tubularsock see it!

But what is important to you is that Tubularsock will lead you through the rough terrain of finding a job over the holiday season.

Now with the many jobs that are offered you’ll find that you are overqualified if you know how to read and write English and if you expect to be paid. I know that is discouraging but stay tough!

Now don’t sell out! Tubularsock went for what he was qualified to do and pushed forward even when the odds would appear totally against him. Staying true to your calling will land you the job you can do best. It worked for Tubularsock!

Now there was the “Three Wise Men” job. First, Tubularsock noted that that job would spread himself rather thin. Not to mention being only paid as one wise man doing three wise men’s work. Fuck that! And second, perhaps it would have been alright if it had been a “Three Yes Men” job but Tube said NO!

And of course the standard “Santa Gig” job. Now I ask you …….. really? A job where you dress up as a fat old man and let children sit in your lap for extended periods of time while they are screaming and tears running down their little faces …….. HO, HO, HO.

They just couldn’t pay Tube enough!

And then there was the “Baby in the Manger” job. A great job because you get to sleep for long periods of time. Much like the job in that cubical you had last year except a manger is a long low trough which is so much better to stretch out in. The only drawback is the persistent hymning of the neon halo. Tube turned it down in part because the neon halo ran interference with Tubularsock’s natural halo …….. you should be so lucky!

So things were looking pretty glum for Tubularsock in his quest for the perfect part time job during Christmas but then this poster appeared on a telephone pole near Tubularsock’s underground bunker:

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Now you have to admit as well as you know Tubularsock that he was a shoe-in for this job. Just his infallibility alone put him over the top! And yes, if you get a chance to visit the Vatican this Christmas Season

do drop by his offices for a visit and just ask for TubePope ……..  Dio e Tubularsock sono uno! Basta inviare contanti!

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