Archive for the ‘Donald Trump’ Category

PENIS WAVING: AMERICA’S PASTIME!

Tubularsock has been scraping around in the gutter of American sexual predators not because many men in power and many men with no power can be found there but more importantly ……. WHAT IS NEW?

This entire avalanche of the sexual predator exposé is pretty sick and sad. But it has answered three questions for Tubularsock about America.

First and foremost is a question that Tubularsock has asked himself many times.

Why is it that with 365 days a year and 24 hours in each of those days and a staff of three aides or more can’t a Senator or Representative READ THE BILLS he/she signs into law?

Case in point: The new TAX OVERHAUL bill is over 500 “government pages” long. “Government Pages” is a code phrase Tubularsock uses and it means 2/3rds of those pages are fluff-bull-shit and 1/3rd of those pages are refined bull shit.

To read those pages BEFORE you sign the bill, you’d think, would be the job of a Senator or Representative, RIGHT?

Well no. It appears that one’s reading time is reduced by 85% if the Senator’s or Representative’s entire concentration is focused on master-bating on their secretary’s desk in front of her or grabbing her tit!

See how quickly priorities change under these Congressional circumstances?

SO NOW TUBULARSOCK UNDERSTANDS WHY OUR LAWMAKERS ARE NOT DOING THEIR JOB WE ELECTED THEM TO DO!

And the ones that aren’t doing the “doing” are gossiping about it and with everyone knowing, where is this outrage and surprise coming from anyway?

And then add to it THE PUBLIC already knows as well. So why this outrage? We have ALWAYS known.

 

The second question answered for Tubularsock is why in general do European films have so much more depth than American films. And the reason is that European films depict actual human relations while American films tend to express the fantasy of the constant hard-on and then the constant “explosions” as the sign of “manhood” and hero worship.

The Hollywood directors, actors, and producers start to believe their own hype from these shallow movies and believe THEY ARE THE MANHOOD HERO. Fantasy gone mad.

And then the third question answered.

This is no surprise at all really but just substantiates Tubularsock’s suspicion.
The TV anchor. What an empty job to sit through day after day after day, spewing master bated endless bull shit written by others that you repeat with “honesty” and “warmth” calling yourself a journalist!

Talking about a reason to look for something to do “for real”!

Even if you start out with some integrity it isn’t long before when the little red light goes off you’ll repeat whatever they put on the teleprompter. Even if you know it is lies.

When you sell your soul why not “grab some pussy on the side”!

After all, the President of the United States swears by it even if the First Pussy won’t hold his hand!

FOR FURTHER READING MAY TUBULARSOCK SUGGEST:

1.Tubularsock’s Guide To Sexual Harassment “a hands on guide to hands off, the do’s and don’t s”.

2. Tubularsock’s New York Bestseller, Getting Close To The Children, “the priest’s guide to fondling the flock.”

3. And don’t miss, Fucking Around The Mall co-written by Tubularsock and Want Moore.

And then it is advised that you take The Tubularsock Workshop on Old Enough To Bleed, Old Enough To Slaughter an Alabama Evangelical Christian teaching of NOT sparing “the rod” with 14 year old girls, amen.

 

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AWAKENING CHUMPS!

President Tweet’s poll figures throughout his first year in office have been historically low when it comes to approval figures. Much of the time in the 30% range.

But for Tubularsock, polls are not that trustworthy to really give a true picture of anything. If the 2016 election proved anything else it would be that polls don’t prove shit!

But Tubularsock has noticed recently that President Tweet’s “true-followers” have in some circles slowly ……… veeeerrrrryyyy slowly are starting to see that the only people that are seeing a “Great America” are the rich suckers that are pocketing the dough!

Such the surprise!

But some are waking up. And if that tax-robber-baron-plan passes and these “true-followers” wake up to see how a Trump-Tax-Reform will leave them in only a “Grate America” with less then they have now …….. well how depressing to wake up after the robbery has occurred.

Such the surprise!

 

But as usual, Tubularsock has an inside track to live polling that may not be scientific but has proven more often correct than not.

It is called listening.

As Tubularsock moves about in his stealth-007-way, Tubularsock keeps track of the opinion flow of a variety of people from a variety of political perspectives. Sounds clandestine doesn’t it. Well the NSA has nothing on Tubularsock ……… Tubularsock listens too!

And Tubularsock has discovered a distinct shift in some Trump supporters. Enough in Tubularsock’s data base to see a cracking at the seams.

Of course, we shall see …… perhaps an awakening is coming.

Now of course this will only bring on the next WAR because there is nothing like a good old war to rally the citizens around a disgusting president.

This time rather than just 3000 innocent deaths Tubularsock is banking on the idea of a solid FALSE FLAG extravaganza of 30,000 innocent deaths, say like the wiping out of a NFL football stadium! Hell, Trump is already at war with them anyway!

And don’t worry, word has it that bin Laden is cell phoning this surprise attack from the grave. What the Navy Seal 6 Team didn’t realize was that bin Laden could swim. Who’d have “thunk”?

 

TRUMP TWEET SOLUTION

 

OK! It is not like it takes a genius to bridge the communication gap between individuals. And that is where Tubularsock enters (stage left).

Our dear Commander of Tweets finds himself always on the cusp of some major faux pas or another because he jumps on his opinionated emotional moments and turns them into tweet-tirades and then sends them out to the world.

 

Now sure, if they are meant as missiles-of-distraction to have the citizens not see the devastation his minions are doing, at HUD, EPA, DoED and the increase in military deployment to continue the Bush-Obama-Trump Wars, then it is a brilliant tactic.

 

However if it is just a crazy-old-orange-fat-fart going off because he wants constant attention, The ME-ME-ME Syndrome, then it is just pathetic.

And like all matters of this nature people can be easily blinded by their partisan entanglements and not see the forests-from-the-tweets or The FFTT Syndrome.

Enter (stage right) X-General Kelly to bring about some semblance of order into the West Wing. But because to date he is not sleeping with the Orange-Wonder he has been unable to curve the incessant tweeting at three in the morning. Granted, in term of sleeping with either of these individuals ….. neither are even close to a 10!

But when it come to emergency measures the United States Government can always call on TUBULARSOCK for solutions for their most vexing issues. Just think if Tubularsock was called into service …………….. scared yet?

 

 

 

 

 

 

TRUMP TIME

 

You know, Tubularsock has heard from so many of Orange-Tweet’s supporters that “he’s learning the job”, “he’s cleaning the swamp”, “he’s a straight talker”.

And the only thing that these things have in common is he is NOT doing one of these things! NOT ONE!

Let Tubularsock start with the straight talker fantasy.

Talking in clichés IS NOT straight talk, it is simplistic talk about NOTHING.
Yes, it may be familiar to you but it says nothing.

To then interpret it into something meaningful doesn’t show you that TRUMP IS STUPID but just shows that YOU ARE STUPID!

 

 

And the humor value alone of Tweet “cleaning the swamp” is utterly destroyed by the people he appointed to his cabinet. Their combined IQ doesn’t reach the level of a dead rat but their ability to make a total mess out of everything they touch is down right impressive.

Tubularsock’s scum respect is at an all time high!

 

Rex Tillerson, Ben Carson, Betsy DeVos. THE SWAMP GAS-ETTES!

 

And Tubularsock’s all time top pick of the three statements is “He’s learning the job!”

Oh no he’s not ……. show Tubularsock where there is ANY sign of that!

If anything he is just recycling one set of stupid decisions and responses for a much more regressive set of stupid decisions and responses.

Even President Dumb Shrub read one to two pages of summery of the things he signed.
And Obummer read sometimes up to eight pages.

But Trump gets stumped with anything more that 280 characters.

And all of those characters center around how he views his own character. Nothing like a complete imbecile ranting how “great”, “smart”, “rich” he is while being frustrated that his greatness is not widely understood.

 

A blind man in the dark can’t see any better with the lights on but this dumb-shit thinks that a standing ovation is some type of praise rather than “seeing” that it is people standing to stampede to the door!

And don’t fear ……… it ain’t going to get any better! Recycled shit is still shit even with an orange comb-over on top of it!

You see what we have here is the crystallization of the UGLY AMERICAN! The pejorative term used for a loud, arrogant, demeaning, thoughtless, ignorant, ethnocentric behavior pattern of American citizens usually abroad.

The epitome of this behavior can be found within the membership of Mar a Largo Golf Club, Trump’s alter ego, though it is difficult to see much of a difference between his asshole behavior “at the club” and his asshole behavior in the Oval Office.

So until Tweet and Pence are flushed, it is probably best when you are out to just say to anyone who asks that you are Canadian.

 

NEWS BEFORE IT HAPPENS … NFL

 

 

Editor note: Because “Tubularsock, ‘. . . first hand coverage, second hand news”’ has a distant relationship with the Secretary of The Deplorables, we wish to state here in order to be completely transparent to our readers that the Charm and Brilliance and Honesty and Fortitude of Tubularsock will not inhibit our coverage when dealing with his Critical and Powerful and Forthwith and Outstanding abilities in government service.

Rest assured no bias will be shown in reporting Tubularsock’s Incredible Abilities implementing his duties as Secretary of the Deplorables. Thank you.

 

Washington, D.C. — With little fanfare Tubularsock, The Secretary of the Deplorables was asked by President Trump to temporarily head up the Department of Crisis Management and streamline relief efforts on a multi-front multitasking multi-mission. (MFMTMM).

Before leaving via a low key helicopter from Washington, D.C. our lead reporter Bob was able to have a private news briefing with the Secretary.

 

“Reporter Bob can you hear me?”

“Yes Margret, I’m can.”

“How would you define the mood of this historic disaster trip being taken by the Secretary of The Deplorables, Reporter Bob?”

“Monumental, Margret. This is the second in a series of trips and here comes the Secretary now, Mr. Secretary,

Mr Secretary, Reporter Bob, TubeNews.”

 

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: “Mr. Secretary, Why is it that the President, at this time, has asked you to spearhead relief efforts after all his false starts and mismanagement?”

“Well Bob, President Trump and I were golfing during all of the separate disasters and our caddy César mentioned to us, I believe it was on the seventh or maybe the eighth hole, ahh, no it was the ninth hole while I was choosing an eight iron. Yes, on the ninth hole.

César, as he handed me the eight iron, asked if we were going to send help to his country Puerto Rico. There was some kind of a storm or something.

The President and I laughed and attempted to explain in English that we just can’t help ever foreign country! The President figured that with a name like César he couldn’t be a real American, maybe Roman or something like that.

We explained it very slowly because he was, after all, a foreign national. Mar a Largo hires many foreign laborers via a special work visa set up to help the poor and to provide inexpensive labor to maximize profits. You know, at room rates at $1300 a night even the Trump Family have to make ends meet.

César had thought Puerto Rico was part of the United States of America, poor little brown fellow.

A week or so later President Trump contacted me and gave me this appointment.”

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: “What was the very first crisis you were expected to attempt to deal with, Mr. Secretary?”

“Bob, as Secretary of the Deplorables and Special Director of Crisis Management my first priority was to immediately fly off to the nearest NFL football game with the top-flight-box-seat tickets the U.S Government provided along with my staff and my security detail and all my luggage to defend the flag of our great nation.”

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: “That was prior to this trip?”

“Yes this trip is to set up a forward access information office to oversee relief efforts.”

 

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: Can you fill in for the American public just a little bit about your heroic encounters from your first trip. You just returned last night.”

“Yes Bob, last evening.”

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: “Fill us in, Mr. Secretary.”

“Well as I left the Government provided helicopter and headed for the top-flight-box-seats with my staff and my security detail I realized we were under fire and I crouched down and crawled on my belly to defend our flag moving cautiously to the top-flight-box-seats. Remaining low in the bulletproof-glassed-in box I surveyed the situation.

And YES! As suspected some NLF players were “taking a knee”! I reeled back in complete and utter shock!”

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: “I guess that was all unexpected?”

“Really Bob, I had expected to perhaps engage in more enemy-flag-fire but what was unexpected was bumping into Karen and the Vice crawling out on their way to a campaign stop in LA. I attempted to get the Vice and “mother” to join me in the fight but of course they had the press waiting in the vans outside and didn’t want to inconvenience the press.

So I wished them a safe journey. They are such kind Christians, you know.

Bob, trust me here. When you are protecting the great flag of our great nation form the heights of the top-flight-box-seats of an NFL stadium within a bulletproof-glass-box a lot rushes into your mind. You have to be EVER VIGILANT and the very first thing that raced into my mind as I faced the enemy was, ‘oh say can I see’. By the time I settled down it was half time.”

Reporter Bob, TubeNews: “Well thank you Mr. Secretary for the opportunity to gain a bit more insight into the great sacrificial work you are doing for our country. There is one additional question if you don’t mind and that is that some are saying that the attack by the NFL cost U.S. citizens $200,000.00 of their tax dollars.”

“Yes! The Vice HAD TO fly from Las Vegas on Air Force Two to Indianapolis to crawl on his belly out of the free-fire top-flight-box-seats so as to fly to LA for a campaign speech the following day. And the cost per hour to fly Air Force Two is $42,936.00 BUT let me remind you and the American public, THAT IS THE PRICE OF FREEDOM.”

 

Thank you.”

“And THANK YOU Mr. Secretary, this has been Reporter Bob of TubeNews, reporting live-ish, now back to you Margret in the TubeNews Studio.”

 

 

 

 

TRUMPOSIS SPEAKS FOR ITSELF

 

Just how stupid is stupid? Can one become MORE stupid, really?

Sure. But at that point one becomes overly vacuous.

But times really do change and with that change comes a development
of knowledge and intelligence.

Yet within the Yin/Yang of the universe you’ll always find a counterbalance
and the cosmic counterbalance to intelligence is the present day
revelation discovered by Tubularsock, PhD.,ScD.,EHEA,S.T.D.

With an incredible list of scholarly degrees Tubularsock has discovered an, up to now, unknown phenomenon called TRUMPOSIS.

Which is an abnormal condition, process, or action that triggers insane, over-the-top lack of control of “normal” brain cognition.

Or in laymen terms, the dumb fuck has lost control of his infinitesimally small brain power.

Now there were many pre-signs of this phenomenon but because we as a culture had no name for it some were blinded thinking it was just “regular-stupidity”.

But no, TRUMPOSIS had not been discovered until
TubularsockPhD.,ScD.,EHEA,S.T.D. did the calculation and determined that the ONLY explanation was poor potty training as a child.

And sure, Tubularsock could go on with a thousand words but why not just sum up the principle with a simple picture?

 

 

NOW JUST HOW COULD YOU COUNTER LOGIC LIKE THAT?

IT’S SCIENCE!

 

POLITICAL MISPERCEPTION

 

He has to be kidding, right? No really.

The humor value alone is worth the price of admission.

Exhibit A:

What The Fuck? Where in the hell does Albino-Boy get the idea that HIS PRESENCE dignifies any event?

Now that is funny.

And to include Orange-Turd as well?

Priceless.

Those two’s existence disrespects our soldiers, our flag and our national anthem. If ANY of those things even deserves respect at all! Another story for another day.

You may be aware, or not, that before 2009, NFL players didn’t stand for the national anthem because they stayed in the locker room before the game. And therefore the “oh say can you see” didn’t work because they couldn’t because they were in the locker room!

Players didn’t start to stand on the field before the game until AFTER the U.S. Department of Defense started to PAY the NFL $5.4 million TO STAGE, on the field ceremonies, to make players seem more “patriotic” so as to increase military recruitment.

So as of 2009, the flag and the national anthem became PRODUCT PLACEMENT paid for by the Department of Defense.

That is what all those military “fly overs” are all about …. Patriotism as Product.

BUY TODAY …. DIE TOMORROW MOTHERFUCKERS!

Have you ever noticed that the CORE of PATRIOTISM is RIOT?

EVER WONDER WHY?

Remember,

the force IS you! Thanks Yoda.