Archive for July, 2014

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Have you noticed how Vice President Joe Biden has disappeared from view?

If he wants to try to run for President in 2016 he has to do two things:

 

1. Distance himself from Step-an’-Fetch-It-Obummer ………

 

 2. Shut the fuck up so he doesn’t embarrass everyone with being himself.

 

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Tubularsock is tired of the U.S. not condemning Israel for their continued murdering of the Palestinian people. Is this what Hitler taught Israel to do? To continue the Holocaust? Shame on you Israel, shame!

Arwa

How did I forget sharing this song. I was listening to it 5 years ago and now again, touching me more than ever. Because we will not go down without a fight. They can burn everything but our spirits.

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NEW OLD NEWS: Deja vu ?

Well Tubularsock was sitting in his top floor corner office in the underground bunker overlooking Washington, D. C. from Oakland, CA. and it’s Deja vu all over again.

Remember in the Matrix when Neal sees a black cat twice and says, Deja vu ? And everybody freaks because that is a sign that there’s a change in the matrix. Which means that they have been detected while on a mission.

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Or remember the magician who does slight-of-hand right in front of you but he’s able to divert your attention so he can trick you? Time and again, and again and …….

It appears to Tubularsock that all the news around the world is all playing back old programs and attempting to convince us that it’s new.

Now would you people with cable TV with 6,0304 channels put up with reruns of all last years and previous years shows being played over again. (no, hold it ….. Tubularsock knows you would because you already do ……. but there’s more.)

And on top of that sell you the idea that it’s all new programing. And because of that the cable rates are going to go up 50%.

Well, that’s what we got here folks ………….. illusion

Israel is bombing Palestine AGAIN and Palestine is sending these ratty-ass “missiles”

back at Israel. As well as their regular supply of rocks.

Tubularsock thinks it’s time to sell some dependable missiles to Palestine. The crap they are trying to attack Israel with is shit. Who is providing them with weapons? The United States sells weapons to anybody. Why not Palestine? Their money’s good. Right?

Business is business, come on capitalists, where is that “free market” spirit?

And then there’s Tubularsock’s good friends at ISIS. Allah be tazed.

Palestine could hook up with them because now ISIS can provide Palestine with American missiles, trucks, helicopters, tanks, planes, and even 90 lbs. of raw nuclear stuff.

Now don’t worry, the officials who know nuclear stuff say, “There is nothing to be alarmed about a group of highly armed-psychopathic-homicidal-maniacs with a 13 century vision acquiring this raw-nuke-shit.” 

Aren’t we so lucky …….. wow, and for a minute Tubularsock started to worry.

And then all the fucking immigrant children that are flooding our boarders. You know those boarders that we have put fences up, check points, Boarder Patrols those boarders! And Homeland Security hasn’t scanned any of these children upon entry because they aren’t cooperating like terrorist do and come in through airports! Shit!

Now what is that all about?

Why are the immigrant children picking on us? Why don’t they just go back to their dictatorships that the United States set up for them. Ungracious foreigners!

No, what is happening is just regular TV programming. It is more economical for the major maimed-stream-media to re-run old news than to send out reporters to gather new news. Really, you can see that can’t you?

And it is so American! 

The citizens of the United States sit by as the Government and corporate interests take their houses, send their children off to endless wars, renege on their retirement, close down their public libraries, schools, parks and replace them with for profit zones, replace their jobs, break up their unions and spy on each and everyone of them. Yet those citizen just can’t get up from their 60” Plasma televisions and go to the streets to protest any of that.

BUT they can grab their American flags and paint signs and go out into the heat to tell children to go back to where they come from and act like they are taking charge of their empty white-ass lives. FUCKING PATHETIC!

And to top this all off the Kim Kardashian Video Game is “on track to earn $200 million!”

Now Kim’s game is called Kim Kardashian: Hollywood !

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Is that just fucking awesome or what? And the entire point of the game ……. wait for it,

is to get your avatar to recharge itself with enough energy to attend all the photo shoots and club openings necessary to journey from the E-list to the A-list. 

Now isn’t that just what everyone really wants to do with their lives ……….. go from the E-list to the A-list in Hollywood?

Now the game itself is a FREE download so where does Kim get her 45% of the net profits of the $200 million sales?

Well, the game is free but to upgrade your avatar power position so you can get yourself to the Hollywood A-list quicker you have to pony-up nearly $500! AND HERE’S WHERE STUPID COMES IN ……….. thousands of people are willing to do this.

Dumb fucks is too weak of a term to describe these dumb fucks!

And some people always seem to wonder, “How does the government and corporate interests seem to get away with what they do without any negative consequences being imposed on them.”

Deja vu, ASK KIM. 

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From a series of informed sources who are not authorized to speak on this issue but have nothing else to do today in the bloated government bureaucracy has presented an outline of the influence of the new Secretary Of The Inferior on the Obama Administration.*

The Tubularsock News Team has also sent our stealth photographer into the mix and has documented photographic evidence of all the rumor and innuendo.

As we like to say at the Tubularsock News Team break-room, “If a picture is worth a thousand words then this story is worth ten thousand words!”

Rather than be accused of conflict of interest we have turned our investigative journalism over to the tabloid, The New York Toast.

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From the very beginning fear in the Administration was palpable. Could a “commoner” be able to bond with the elite?

Well, our inside sources all concurred that the new Secretary Of The Inferior fit like a hand in a glove.

Lunch

The new Secretary Of The Inferior was asked by the press how he felt to be at the left hand of The President of the United States and he clearly stated, “no, the steak tartare please”.

The more comfortable the Secretary Of The Inferior became the more cautious distrust  appeared within the West Wing. In fact, down right suspiciousness of his intentions were felt and cloaked in plutocratic innuendo.

This type of approach to an obvious “outsider” was lost on the Secretary who felt that they liked him. But he started to isolate himself in the President’s office.

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That suspicious attitude became more prevalent within the President himself.

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However the Secretary Of The Inferior and Michelle became more ……..

Say ………… ahh, shall we say “friendly”?

Not being sure of the Secretary Of The Inferior’s intentions Obama started to take him with him whenever he traveled.

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Plane Wave

And then one day the President and the Secretary Of The Inferior were scheduled to fly to the Asian Conference in Kuala Lumpur.

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Stolen

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Now in any Presidential Administration lots of stuff gets stolen. Paper clips, ball point pens, computers, ground-keeper tools, ballistic missiles, large sums of cash, larger sums of cash, cash of larger sums than that and one’s integrity.

The biggest surprise is that anyone noticed.

Immediately Congress formed two committees, one in the House and one in the Senate. Each committee member and staff took it upon themselves to fly to Kuala Lumpur to see where Air Force One should have landed if it hadn’t been stolen.

It was verified that there was NO, they repeated NO, Air Force One on any golf course in Kuala Lumpur.

Senator John McCain was unable to say, “The terrorist have been part of this Obama Administration for some time and the Ukrainian people need all ….. no, I mean Palestine has to be considered ….. no, I mean  …”

The CIA, NSA, DIA, NGA, NRO, AFISRA, MI, MCIA, ONI, OICI, I&A, CGI, FB/NSB, DEA/ONSI, INR, and the TFI were all called into service but many of them were out of the office so a message was left with their respective receptionists. **

All of these agencies work separately and together to conduct intelligence activities and are under the I.C. which is headed by the DNI, who reports to the President.**

The FBI, DOS, DSS, IRS-CID, TIGTA, USMP, DOD, DCIS, CID, OSI, NCIS, DOJ, ATF, USDI, USDA, DOC, HHS, DHS, USCG, FPS, CGPD, CBP, ICE, USSS, SPS,USCP, USPIS were also all put on the case. **

It appears that the USPIS (United States Postal Inspection Service) may have not been necessary however Senator Diane Feinstein insisted that it was not because her husband was well invested in post offices that the agency must play a role. It was because of “. . . her keen concern to protect every woman and child of this great land”.

As Senator Feinstein did not say, “That plane could have been easily packed up in a pre-postage-paid-priority-mail-express-package and shipped to the Russians for all we know!”

As a result over seventeen million dollars will be allocated to throughly inspect ALL the P.O.Boxes in every post office within the United States.

Representative Robert Fuckoff (R) Ohio demanded that for national security concerns he would pursue drafting a bill to create an inspection team to investigate all “general delivery” windows of every post office in the United States.

During an impromptu stop over at the employee’s break room at Postal Inspection, Inc. Rep. Fuckoff stated, “This twenty-seven million dollar allocation bill will ensure that inspections would be conducted on all “general delivery” locations. What better way is there to protect our citizens from terrorists who want to harm our home-land?” 

When the maimed-stream media asked about the rumor that his family was involved in Postal Inspection, Inc. Representative Fuckoff stated, “Those accusations have been made before!” 

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A Special Blue Ribbon Committee was appointed immediately if not sooner by the President to “investigate the disappearance of Air Force One and The Secretary Of The Inferior” and to report back to him. The President insisted that the Committee’s work would be totally transparent and would be held in secret for national security reasons.

The maimed-stream media didn’t pursue the definition of transparent assuming the President is a Constitutional Scholar and knew the definition better than they.

Congress announced that it will immediately take up the issue of funding the Special Blue Ribbon Committee as soon as they return from their inter-session break and before their fall break. This leaves “. . . a corridor of six full hours” stated Senator DipStick (D) from Louisiana. 

Conspiracy

First there were the sightings.

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(UPI) “They were ALL there”, said Jimmy Insano from DelRio, Texas. “Right out in front of the Dairy Queen! Elvis, bin Laden, Kennedy and the Secretary Of The Inferior!

“I didn’t see no plane or anything like that …… but I didn’t go in the Dairy Queen. Sure, it could have been in there.”

 The heat in DelRio at times reaches 135 degrees in the shade.

(The Sun, UK) “The chances of Air Force One being snatched from the sky by an alien space craft isn’t as far fetched as it may appear” says Jay Jay Johnson. “There have been sightings recently as far away as Denver”, he continued. “Space IS the final frontier, you know, and if and I’m saying IF, The Secretary Of The Inferior had been sent with a message to give to extraterrestrials, then why not?” Jay Jay Johnson concluded.

(New York Times) It was reported today that the Malaysian Government was asked by President Obama to assist in the tracking of the missing Air Force One. Critics say this new development has created perhaps a “hint” that the President isn’t sincere about finding the Secretary Of The Inferior.

President Obama’s new Press Secretary Josh Earnest, stated at todays news briefing that “. . . he was earnest that the President was earnest about the search for Air Force One as well as The Secretary Of The Inferior”.

This confused the White House Press Corp because they thought the President was not Earnest because Josh Earnest was Earnest. And Josh Earnest stated that he was earnest and the President was earnest as well. The White House Press Corp reiterated that Earnest was Earnest and Earnest was not Obama.

After forty-five minutes the Earnest – earnest conundrum was tabled until a later date.

(FOX News) Donald Rumsfeld was asked to comment on the incident and stated: “we know, there are known knowns; there are things that we know that we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don’t know we don’t know.”

And he continued, “The missing Secretary Of The Inferior is the ultimate in unknown unknowns, if you ask me.”

And of course, Dick Cheney was asked for comments on this new international mystery but was unable to make it to the interview because he had “left his heart in San Francisco” and hadn’t noticed until his flight was over Wisconsin. Which at that point had to turn his flight back to the West Coast.

 

 

 

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footnotes:

* To catch up with The Secretary Of The Inferior refer back to: blog post, NEW EMPLOYMENT, NEW ECONOMY.

** Those are all investigating agencies of the United States Government. Tubularsock doesn’t have time to make that much shit up!

All photographs may look like they have been altered in some way. They have NOT! However they are a different angle from the original photo.

Photography is in the eye of the beholder.

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