Archive for the ‘American Exceptionalism’ Category

PENIS WAVING: AMERICA’S PASTIME!

Tubularsock has been scraping around in the gutter of American sexual predators not because many men in power and many men with no power can be found there but more importantly ……. WHAT IS NEW?

This entire avalanche of the sexual predator exposé is pretty sick and sad. But it has answered three questions for Tubularsock about America.

First and foremost is a question that Tubularsock has asked himself many times.

Why is it that with 365 days a year and 24 hours in each of those days and a staff of three aides or more can’t a Senator or Representative READ THE BILLS he/she signs into law?

Case in point: The new TAX OVERHAUL bill is over 500 “government pages” long. “Government Pages” is a code phrase Tubularsock uses and it means 2/3rds of those pages are fluff-bull-shit and 1/3rd of those pages are refined bull shit.

To read those pages BEFORE you sign the bill, you’d think, would be the job of a Senator or Representative, RIGHT?

Well no. It appears that one’s reading time is reduced by 85% if the Senator’s or Representative’s entire concentration is focused on master-bating on their secretary’s desk in front of her or grabbing her tit!

See how quickly priorities change under these Congressional circumstances?

SO NOW TUBULARSOCK UNDERSTANDS WHY OUR LAWMAKERS ARE NOT DOING THEIR JOB WE ELECTED THEM TO DO!

And the ones that aren’t doing the “doing” are gossiping about it and with everyone knowing, where is this outrage and surprise coming from anyway?

And then add to it THE PUBLIC already knows as well. So why this outrage? We have ALWAYS known.

 

The second question answered for Tubularsock is why in general do European films have so much more depth than American films. And the reason is that European films depict actual human relations while American films tend to express the fantasy of the constant hard-on and then the constant “explosions” as the sign of “manhood” and hero worship.

The Hollywood directors, actors, and producers start to believe their own hype from these shallow movies and believe THEY ARE THE MANHOOD HERO. Fantasy gone mad.

And then the third question answered.

This is no surprise at all really but just substantiates Tubularsock’s suspicion.
The TV anchor. What an empty job to sit through day after day after day, spewing master bated endless bull shit written by others that you repeat with “honesty” and “warmth” calling yourself a journalist!

Talking about a reason to look for something to do “for real”!

Even if you start out with some integrity it isn’t long before when the little red light goes off you’ll repeat whatever they put on the teleprompter. Even if you know it is lies.

When you sell your soul why not “grab some pussy on the side”!

After all, the President of the United States swears by it even if the First Pussy won’t hold his hand!

FOR FURTHER READING MAY TUBULARSOCK SUGGEST:

1.Tubularsock’s Guide To Sexual Harassment “a hands on guide to hands off, the do’s and don’t s”.

2. Tubularsock’s New York Bestseller, Getting Close To The Children, “the priest’s guide to fondling the flock.”

3. And don’t miss, Fucking Around The Mall co-written by Tubularsock and Want Moore.

And then it is advised that you take The Tubularsock Workshop on Old Enough To Bleed, Old Enough To Slaughter an Alabama Evangelical Christian teaching of NOT sparing “the rod” with 14 year old girls, amen.

 

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AWAKENING CHUMPS!

President Tweet’s poll figures throughout his first year in office have been historically low when it comes to approval figures. Much of the time in the 30% range.

But for Tubularsock, polls are not that trustworthy to really give a true picture of anything. If the 2016 election proved anything else it would be that polls don’t prove shit!

But Tubularsock has noticed recently that President Tweet’s “true-followers” have in some circles slowly ……… veeeerrrrryyyy slowly are starting to see that the only people that are seeing a “Great America” are the rich suckers that are pocketing the dough!

Such the surprise!

But some are waking up. And if that tax-robber-baron-plan passes and these “true-followers” wake up to see how a Trump-Tax-Reform will leave them in only a “Grate America” with less then they have now …….. well how depressing to wake up after the robbery has occurred.

Such the surprise!

 

But as usual, Tubularsock has an inside track to live polling that may not be scientific but has proven more often correct than not.

It is called listening.

As Tubularsock moves about in his stealth-007-way, Tubularsock keeps track of the opinion flow of a variety of people from a variety of political perspectives. Sounds clandestine doesn’t it. Well the NSA has nothing on Tubularsock ……… Tubularsock listens too!

And Tubularsock has discovered a distinct shift in some Trump supporters. Enough in Tubularsock’s data base to see a cracking at the seams.

Of course, we shall see …… perhaps an awakening is coming.

Now of course this will only bring on the next WAR because there is nothing like a good old war to rally the citizens around a disgusting president.

This time rather than just 3000 innocent deaths Tubularsock is banking on the idea of a solid FALSE FLAG extravaganza of 30,000 innocent deaths, say like the wiping out of a NFL football stadium! Hell, Trump is already at war with them anyway!

And don’t worry, word has it that bin Laden is cell phoning this surprise attack from the grave. What the Navy Seal 6 Team didn’t realize was that bin Laden could swim. Who’d have “thunk”?

 

TRUMPOSIS SPEAKS FOR ITSELF

 

Just how stupid is stupid? Can one become MORE stupid, really?

Sure. But at that point one becomes overly vacuous.

But times really do change and with that change comes a development
of knowledge and intelligence.

Yet within the Yin/Yang of the universe you’ll always find a counterbalance
and the cosmic counterbalance to intelligence is the present day
revelation discovered by Tubularsock, PhD.,ScD.,EHEA,S.T.D.

With an incredible list of scholarly degrees Tubularsock has discovered an, up to now, unknown phenomenon called TRUMPOSIS.

Which is an abnormal condition, process, or action that triggers insane, over-the-top lack of control of “normal” brain cognition.

Or in laymen terms, the dumb fuck has lost control of his infinitesimally small brain power.

Now there were many pre-signs of this phenomenon but because we as a culture had no name for it some were blinded thinking it was just “regular-stupidity”.

But no, TRUMPOSIS had not been discovered until
TubularsockPhD.,ScD.,EHEA,S.T.D. did the calculation and determined that the ONLY explanation was poor potty training as a child.

And sure, Tubularsock could go on with a thousand words but why not just sum up the principle with a simple picture?

 

 

NOW JUST HOW COULD YOU COUNTER LOGIC LIKE THAT?

IT’S SCIENCE!

 

Tubularsock doesn’t want any of you to “drop the ball” but no matter what the NFL does doesn’t really matter very much.

However North Korea is under the belief that our current Orange-Small-Penis-Professional-Tweeter-President has declared WAR on them.

Now where would Kim get that idea?

 

Shit for brains Donald just can’t shut the fuck up. As a world embarrassment Trump takes the chocolate cake. And somebody is going to get killed.

Now if Kim and his boys could hit Mar-a-Lago while Trump and his entire family was visiting Tubularsock would even help North Korea with the coordinates and put a big ol’ X on the spot. But Google Maps would work just as well. And then Tubularsock wouldn’t be hauled into the hoosegow as a accessory. Now just forget Tubularsock even brought this up and take this blog you have in front of you and slip it into Jared’s private emails he has been using to correspond to White House staff a-la-Hillary!

Tubularsock feels so much better. GO KOREA! RAH!

But it’s not even the real problem. The real problem is that Michael Flynn, Jared Kushner, Stephen Bannon met with Saudi King Abdullah in secret, according to recently released documents, to discuss high-stake contracts to sell nuclear technology to Saudi Arabia. This discussion had to do with their personal business interest. Not government business.

As one nuclear expert put it, selling nuclear technology to Saudi Arabia is like selling “a nuclear weapons starter kit”.

“Any proposal to introduce dozens of nuclear reactors to the Middle East, particularly Saudi Arabia, raises many proliferation red flags . . . The Saudis do not need nuclear power and them gaining access could lead to dangerous consequences down the road.”
(Daryl Kimball, Arms Control Association ….. BuzzFeed)

But that didn’t seem to bother Flynn, Kushner, and Bannon! You know they worked for Trump, The Art of the Deal!

Now Tubularsock wants to be fair here. It isn’t just Trump business, remember who helped to introduce nuclear technology to Iraq ……. Dick Cheney and Halliburton.

And funny fact ……. Cheney did it EVEN THOUGH it was against the law OF THE UNITED STATES to sell nuclear technology to Iraq! Another The Art of the Deal!

You see, there is making money and there is protecting the country. When it is making money THEY are all over it!

When it comes to protecting the country (their business interests) YOUR SONS AND DAUGHTERS ARE SENT TO DO THAT JOB!

AND WHAT IS STILL AMAZING TO TUBULARSOCK: YOU CONTINUE TO WAVE THE FUCKING FLAG AS THEY HELP KILL YOUR CHILDREN FOR THEIR PROFIT!

JUST HOW FUCKING STUPID ARE YOU AMERICA ……….

 

 

OUTSOURCED ARMY

THEY HAVE TO BE KIDDING!

Orange Tweet is really an inspiration for the advancement of stupidity. No not because of his tweet attention-span, nor his small limp hands and bigly butt. No those are just side line embarrassing.

When President Orange Tweet says he wants to make America Great Again he doesn’t mean 1940’s or 1950’s GREAT! No he means British Empire Great like 17 and 18 hundreds GREAT! Viceroy Great. And who says you can’t go backward!

And you all know how the “free market system” works right? You know competition brings the price down, right? And because of that, government needs to “privatize” many of its agencies because the private sector can do it cheaper than the government can do it.

Take for example, WAR. If the United States privatizes its military then what money we can all save ……… such a deal.

Now this isn’t a Trump idea. He doesn’t have the ability to think let alone creatively. No this goes way back as far as war itself. Some people fight and some people supply the fighters. And just for fun, stop and guess who gets rich and who gets dead.

And the capitalistic system has improved upon this basic idea a thousand fold by adding the investing class to the mix. Now there are those who fight the war, those who supply the fighters, AND those who INVEST in the suppliers who supply the fighter who fight the war. See, that is called capitalism because the investing class are even further away from being dead from war but profit the most from it. Clever yes?

Now check this out. The military-industrial-complex has come up with this really fun idea and that is to privatize armies so the U.S. Government can save money.

We have already been doing this over there is that hostile Middle East and in Africa as well. But this savings is really a deal!

Funny that. Presently a “private soldier” (once called a mercenary) makes in salary about three times more than an American soldier. So the salary cost of the mercenary army would be THREE TIME HIGHER than it is now.

Would you care to venture a guess how this cost alone is cheaper?

And then you have the “standard” corporate operational costs for maintaining a mercenary army with the small problem of loyalty to MONEY rather than any insane patriotic reasoning so as to have the added burden of losing your “army” to the highest bidder.

Damn tricky, eh?

Now the U.S. has already had this continuous problem in the mercenary terrorists we have hired, trained and supplied just to have them jump sides and end up fighting us rather than doing as we paid them to do. Some of this has been based on deceit and some of this is due to a better deal going down.

When money is the bases of the commitment the playing field changes and your terrorists buddy today is your terrorist enemy tomorrow based on a couple of bucks.

 

And just who is pushing this insane idea?

Well the Bowery Boys, Steve Bannon and Jared Kushner, formally known as the Dead End Kids for you movie buffs.

Erik Prince the founder of the murdering thugs Blackwater Worldwide and Stephen Feinberg, a billionaire financier who owns the giant military contractor DynCorp International and Tubularsock believes sucks out babies brains for lunch (warning: this latter thought may be an alterNUT fact, be advised!) have offered up their proposals at Bannon’s and Kushner’s request.

Wow, Tubularsock just wonders with these four minds coming together, “What Could Possibly Go Wrong?”

Now Tubularsock, in case you haven’t noticed, wants to remind you that after 16 years WE ARE STILL MAKING WAR ON AFGHANISTAN.

You remember Afghanistan, right? The country right after 9/11 we started a war with.
And just to remind you how we did that it went down like this:

Bush and the boys and the bitch told the Taliban that they would have to hand over Osama bin Laden to the U.S. for the 9/11 crime or we would BOMB THEM!

The Taliban agreed to hand over Osama bin Laden to the U.S. for the 9/11 crime if and when the United States provided PROOF that Osama bin Laden was guilty of this crime. You remember that silly notion, a man is innocent until PROVEN guilty don’t you?

That is a fundamental legal principle of the United States not Afghanistan!

Well, the United States didn’t have any proof that he was directly involved.  He said he wasn’t involved in 9/11 directly. And to this day there has been no real proof that he was directly involved EXCEPT for the forged CIA tape prominently promoted on YouTube! But it was well known that bin Laden was a CIA asset so Tubularsock figures that it depends on which side of the fence he was working at any given time.

So we bomb them! And then we bomb them. And then we bomb them ……………  And even the old cliche that we were going to bomb them back into the Stone Age was used by some but they hadn’t left the Stone Age so they didn’t seem to noticed except all their wedding parties we annihilated. Oh, and their women and children were slaughtered but hey, THAT’S WAR don’t ya know!

Just reminds one of the callousness of war. Those who were murdered on 9/11 are precious souls but those we blow apart in Afghanistan are just collateral damage and how dare they run under our bombs! They act like they live there!

So now, 16 years of quagmire and Trump is thinking to “fix” Afghanistan by spending billions and billions of more dollars for a cheap fix: MERCENARY ARMIES provided by private enterprise corporations.

And they are even thinking of picking an American Viceroy who would directly report to Trump and run the Afghanistan mission with an outsourced army and a mission of “do whatever it takes to pacify Afghanistan”!

From Tubularsock’s point of view it is refreshing to have the lunatic fringe right out there in the open for a change unlike Killary’s style or Obomba’s style of putting up the false-bull-shit-front but still fucking you up the ass! But which of these elite assholes are more dangerous is a toss up!

A TUBULARSOCK SOBER 4TH THOUGHT

And in the distant atomic cloud cover one can just start to hear our new Orange Tweet President tweeting:

“LET THEM EAT CAKE!”

And Tubularsock assumes he is speaking of the most “bigly” piece of chocolate cake that is so awesome that it will make ameriKKKa  great again!

 

 

TRUMP NON-FAKEISH NEWS

Now who can you trust with your news information in today’s ALTURNUT news?

Well there is ONLY ONE clears source!

Why not go to the BOTTOM OF THE BARREL where all news ends up in a brine of truth that ONLY the Tubularsock Unbiased News Service can interpret for you.

Join all the other lost news junkie souls and start Jonesing on the truth!

THIS IS NOT AN ENDORSEMENT OR ADVERTISEMENT FOR TUNS,LTD.

It is a testimonial of truth …….. hey, Trust Tubularsock …….. he’s deplorable!