Archive for the ‘Religion’ Category

SARAH’S SAD STORY HITS HARD

 

Tubularsock realizes that there is a wealth of sad stories out there in the big wide wonderful world and this is only one of them but ……. and Tubularsock warns you,
this will bring tears to your eyes and so close to Christmas too!

Sarah Huckabee Sanders is packing her Adidas Santiago Mini Duffel Bag with all her honest news notes she has given out to the press during her time as OrangeDick’s press secretary.

In addition it has taken nine semi trucks with extended trailers to carry away her lying news notes defending the OrangeButterBall.

She is still collecting her near $180,000 salary until she parts, heading out and off of the White House lawn.

 

Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the daughter of former Governor of Arkansas Mike Huckabee, a Southern Baptist minister, learned so well about lying, “much like Christ did in the Bible from her Bible thumping father.

And about “pussy grabbing” as perhaps God dabbled in on the side.

And maybe even thoughts of incest with Ivanka.

Are those “sins” supported by Preacher Huckabee as a “good-loving” Southern Baptist?

Hell, it’s just the way they are! Amen.

The three guiding principles of the Hucksters are lying, grabbing, Incest or THE THREE I’S AS SOUTHERN BAPTIST CALL THEM!

Tubularsock just can’t wait until Sarah’s children become teenagers.

Sarah’s “lying at any cost” activities that she executed so well will crop right up when her kids become teenagers and at that time will bite her on her huge derriere.

Couldn’t happen to a nicer person.

 

ATTENTION:

A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

 

 

 

 

 

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TRUMP & SANTA 2018

HALT, the bull shit train!

Every year for decades now NORAD, the North American Aerospace Defense Command, has followed Santa Claus on Christmas Eve as he zips around the world dropping down chimneys delivering presents to GOOD little girls and boys.

Sure he does.

NORAD’s aerospace control includes ensuring air sovereignty and air defense of the airspace of Canada and the United States and is on duty 24/7 three hundred and sixty five days a year EXCEPT September 11, 2001. But hey, who’s counting?

Children are encouraged to call NORAD for information of the location of Santa Claus at any given moment to be told if he’s on track.

And some years some children’s calls are diverted so they also can speak to the President or the First Lady as a political PR stunt.

Michelle Obama answered children’s calls for several years while being First Lady.

And so it goes ………. Melania performed her PR duty just like Michelle and all was well in Christmas land.

And then President Orange-Scrooge took some calls this year as well.

But first he had to close down the government …… HO, HO, HO!

You know, President Orange-Scrooge doesn’t seem to do ANYTHING correctly. Do you know what Tubularsock means?

No?

 

Well let Tubularsock give you this example:

President Orange-Scrooge took a call from a 7 year old child and during the course of the conversation the question of Believing In Santa Claus came up. The child’s response was “yes sir” indicating a belief in the jolly old Claus, when President Orange-Scrooge proceeded with “. . . at 7, it’s marginal, right?”

Now the child didn’t know what marginal meant or what the reference meant so all was good in Christmas land.

But REALLY, a guy who lies ALL THE TIME chooses at that moment to start to “tell the truth” about the existence of Santa Claus …….. REALLY?

Yet there is a much larger point Tubularsock wants you to consider.

And that is the Santa Claus LIE. That should give you pause.

Your parents LIE to you that Santa Claus is REAL!

You can call up your government on a special phone line and be told Santa Claus is REAL!

And think on this ………. THE GOVERNMENT tracks Santa just like they track YOU and that is REAL.

And the President and First Lady tells you Santa Claus is REAL!

AND YOU BELIEVE …………..

So when the times comes when you are told by your parents, your government, and your President and First Lady that Santa Claus is “AN ENEMMY COMBATANT” or an ISIS infiltrator or terrorist sympathizer will you believe THAT as well?

Sure you will!

That is how we got into the Vietnam War, and Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria, and Yemen!
And the citizen’s believed ……….. and that same Santa Lie continues today.

So it would do us all good if President Orange-Scrooge received a huge chunk of “clean-coal” in his Christmas stocking this year.

Maybe he will, if Santa Mueller has anything to say about it!

But unfortunately, OrangeTweet isn’t the only Santa liar out there!

 

THE GOOD OLD DAYS OF 2018

 

Well a fucking HO-HO-HO to everyone.

Another year is closing and world peace and goodwill toward men is headed for the exit.

The Government is shut down.

The Stock Market is headed toward the depths of hell.

The Congress is not willing to throw 5 billion on blocks to build “The Wall”.

The Orange-Child is kicking, pouting, and tweeting about …. whatever.

And it is business as usual in good old Amerikkka.

For Tubularsock it is that happy time of year when total strangers yell out “Merry Christmas”, or the much more PC, “Happy Holidays” to you.

Of course, Tubularsock yells back …… “Same to ya fella, and so’s your mother.”

 

And Tubularsock’s favorite Christmas past time, sitting on a bench and watching people ladened with gaily colorful packages stepping over the homeless in order to get home with their happy treasures to share in Christmas cheer BEFORE the credit card bills arrive.

 

Well hell, they gave 20 bucks to a food bank what else can one do?

So with total optimism Tubularsock faces 2019 because we can all hope that it can get worse which then will make all this current shit become, “The Good Old Days”!

 

JEFF SESSIONS, GOAT FUCKER?

 

It has been many years now that Tubularsock was wandering Europe. But all of this Naziesque crap being directed by OrangeTurd and his trusty companion BibleThumper Jeff has brought back a long forgotten conversation.

Tubularsock was driving through Germany with a trusted friend. We were taking the “slow” way through the German hinterland and was driving through the Black Forest area with no real destination in mind.

The evergreen forests and picturesque villages were right out of a “living” traveler guidebook. An amazing area of Germany to visit especially if you are a meandering traveler.

It was there, sitting in the car at a pullout that our conversation began. If we had been German citizens during the rise of Hitler and if we had been living in this area of German, just how knowledgeable would we have been about Auschwitz in Poland and what was happening in Germany at large as well?

As the hate and fear was propagated that “others” were not worthy of our concern just how shutdown to this oncoming evil would we have grokked?

Tubularsock has many German friends that have stated that their parent’s generation, after the war, would NOT EVEN discuss this subject or explain how they had been duped by Hitler and his hate filled belief system. The shame was too great and they didn’t want to explain their role of even being citizens in that mess.

Jump to Jeff Session interpreting the Bible, Romans 13 suggesting that God supports the government in separating immigrant parents from their children.

 

And it looks to Tubularsock that Jeff has as much knowledge as Tubularsock has about Biblical interpretation when Tubularsock interprets Isaiah 11:6 “. . . the leopard will lie down with the goat . . .” to mean that Jeff Sessions fucks goats!

Now, Tubularsock may not be the best Biblical scholar, however, it just goes to show you that Jeff too is rather selective at cherry picking passages of the Bible for his own political purposes. Shame on you Jeff, you old goat fucker!

 

And then we have Plastic Melania in her “I Don’t Care, Do U” coat going off to see the children in jail to bestow her “motherly love” with her magic wand.

Leaving Barron home alone with his unstable Orange-“father”.

Poor, Poor Barron, assumed to have been born from a turkey baster impregnation so Plastic Mom didn’t have to have that gross Fat-Orange-Body thrusting and panting attempting to get a hard on to do the job.

 

FREE BARRON!, FREE BARRON!, FREE BARRON!

 

Wow, speaking of child molestation! Can you imagine having to be trapped in a “family” with Donald Jr., Ivanka, and Eric!

Tiffany is not so bad.

But leave it to Peter Fonda to hit the nail on the head with his tweet calling for Barron to be “. . . ripped from his mother’s arms and put in a cage with pedophiles.”

Of course, Peter apologized later saying he had been upset over Trump’s Policy and he had “. . . tweeted something highly inappropriate and vulgar about the president and his family in response to the devastating images I was seeing on television.”

OH CONTRAIR!

The pedophile part WAS a little bit over the top but at least the cage would help protect Barron from Plastic-mom, Orange-dad, and the evil Munchkins!

But unlike the children stolen from their parents at the border Plastic-mom had the U.S. Secret Service notified. Some kids warrant special attention.

 

FREE BARRON!, FREE BARRON!, FREE BARRON!

 

So Plastic-I-Don’t-Care wanted to see for herself what was happening to the imprisoned children of Latin American descent so, if you can believe this, she was sent to a facility opened to the first lady which was, of course, selected keeping in mind the press would be accompanying her.

“Other such facilities around the country have denied access to Democratic lawmakers and media”.

You know, like any good DEMOCRATIC society would do. Prevent Congress from representing the people they are supposed to represent and be the eyes of the people. Republicans are prevented as well. You know, to keep it fair.

Well, it sure fooled Plastic I-Don’t-Care!

Tubularsock is sure that everyone was on best behavior for the Plastic-Lady! She thanked everyone for a job well done and then got into her jet and flew back to Washington, D.C.

She left with her parting words that the U.S. should “govern with heart”!

And Tubularsock agrees and just maybe it has come time to pull that used heart of Dick Cheney and plant it into Donald. That heart never seemed to work for Cheney anyway.

The Nazi mind set is running again and the American public can be awakened to the possible further destruction of what is left of American Values which weren’t that strong to begin with or we can watch the edges of the toilet bowl as we all swirl down into the depth of the Black Forest never to be seen again.

 

It actually is up to US!

Trump has embarrassed the United States of America in the World and as his Scottish-born mother’s relatives have stated: “His Mother had been acutely embarrassed by the antics of her fourth child during the 1990s when his failing marriage and business were the subject of intense tabloid scrutiny.

Mary Trump died in 2000, but if his mother was upset with his crap in the 1990’s she must be turning over in her grave NOW!

And as for dear daddy, Fred C. Trump with his German ancestry as a nap-sack was arrested at a Ku Klux Klan riot in New York in 1927, records reveal. He died in 1999.

 

Need Tubularsock say more? The racist apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree, now has it!

 

NEWS BEFORE IT HAPPENS!

“Well-placed” sources close to the Secretary of State have stated that Tubularsock, 
The Secretary of the Deplorables, has an uncanny ability to “fit-in” well with North Koreans due to his kimchi knowledge.

Tubularsock speaks Kimchi fluently as well as several other Vegan Languages.

Some have insinuated that the Secretary may be working “undercover” for the CIA after Tubularsock was overheard saying that “. . . the U.S. should cover-over the undercover and close the drawer on the issue at hand.”

 

This comment was verified by an official who spoke on condition of anonymity due to the laws in place about discussing sensitive diplomatic issues.

The comment occurred between Tubularsock and a room service maid at the TRUMP PYONGYANG HOTEL, according to a senior White House official involved in the preparations.

IN FURTHER NEWS:

Christmas is upon us and a miracle has occurred. The Big Bang Theory has been proven correct as demonstrated by the following cosmic insight by none other than TUBULARSOCK!

 

PENIS WAVING: AMERICA’S PASTIME!

Tubularsock has been scraping around in the gutter of American sexual predators not because many men in power and many men with no power can be found there but more importantly ……. WHAT IS NEW?

This entire avalanche of the sexual predator exposé is pretty sick and sad. But it has answered three questions for Tubularsock about America.

First and foremost is a question that Tubularsock has asked himself many times.

Why is it that with 365 days a year and 24 hours in each of those days and a staff of three aides or more can’t a Senator or Representative READ THE BILLS he/she signs into law?

Case in point: The new TAX OVERHAUL bill is over 500 “government pages” long. “Government Pages” is a code phrase Tubularsock uses and it means 2/3rds of those pages are fluff-bull-shit and 1/3rd of those pages are refined bull shit.

To read those pages BEFORE you sign the bill, you’d think, would be the job of a Senator or Representative, RIGHT?

Well no. It appears that one’s reading time is reduced by 85% if the Senator’s or Representative’s entire concentration is focused on master-bating on their secretary’s desk in front of her or grabbing her tit!

See how quickly priorities change under these Congressional circumstances?

SO NOW TUBULARSOCK UNDERSTANDS WHY OUR LAWMAKERS ARE NOT DOING THEIR JOB WE ELECTED THEM TO DO!

And the ones that aren’t doing the “doing” are gossiping about it and with everyone knowing, where is this outrage and surprise coming from anyway?

And then add to it THE PUBLIC already knows as well. So why this outrage? We have ALWAYS known.

 

The second question answered for Tubularsock is why in general do European films have so much more depth than American films. And the reason is that European films depict actual human relations while American films tend to express the fantasy of the constant hard-on and then the constant “explosions” as the sign of “manhood” and hero worship.

The Hollywood directors, actors, and producers start to believe their own hype from these shallow movies and believe THEY ARE THE MANHOOD HERO. Fantasy gone mad.

And then the third question answered.

This is no surprise at all really but just substantiates Tubularsock’s suspicion.
The TV anchor. What an empty job to sit through day after day after day, spewing master bated endless bull shit written by others that you repeat with “honesty” and “warmth” calling yourself a journalist!

Talking about a reason to look for something to do “for real”!

Even if you start out with some integrity it isn’t long before when the little red light goes off you’ll repeat whatever they put on the teleprompter. Even if you know it is lies.

When you sell your soul why not “grab some pussy on the side”!

After all, the President of the United States swears by it even if the First Pussy won’t hold his hand!

FOR FURTHER READING MAY TUBULARSOCK SUGGEST:

1.Tubularsock’s Guide To Sexual Harassment “a hands on guide to hands off, the do’s and don’t s”.

2. Tubularsock’s New York Bestseller, Getting Close To The Children, “the priest’s guide to fondling the flock.”

3. And don’t miss, Fucking Around The Mall co-written by Tubularsock and Want Moore.

And then it is advised that you take The Tubularsock Workshop on Old Enough To Bleed, Old Enough To Slaughter an Alabama Evangelical Christian teaching of NOT sparing “the rod” with 14 year old girls, amen.

 

 

WON’T YOU HOLD MY HAND?

 

The amount of time spent on the Trump’s hands you’d think that the entire Middle Eastern trip was based on hand holding. Now Orange Tweet did damn near kiss the fucking Saudi king’s ass but who counts? Anyway, far be it for Tubularsock to get in the way of the maimed-stream-media’s news flow of worthless shit. Only because it is just too fun!

They kept Orange Tweet on a short leash and he read all the words he was given so we can all agree that he was SO PRESIDENTIAL.

As long as he stays in puppet mode all will be “handled”. See, the Deep State is benevolent.