Archive for the ‘Keystone XL’ Category

 

 

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SLIPPERY SLOPE

Now, with The Orange-Tweet as President we’ll all start to understand that scene in the Matrix where Morpheus explains to Neo what had, IN TRUTH, happened to the earth. Let Tubularsock present you with “THE RED PILL”.

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NOW YOU’LL SEE THE TRUTH!

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You know, Tubularsock has dusted off his resume and decided to send it on to Tubularsock’s Uncle Vinnie.

Uncle Vinnie is in the future capitalist adjustment business (FCAB). A very respected business model that has been around for years and has been sanitized by Wall Street. In its early years it was known as loan-sharking, a cumbersome name, indeed. 

FCAB sounds way more classy than loan sharking and it doesn’t involve fish. But perhaps slime.

Now there was once upon a time when a “conflict-of-interest” was considered something that a respectable person would avoid to the point of “stepping aside” in a court case or in a regulatory situation where this respectable person may be viewed as possibly having an advantage in the outcome of the court case or regulatory situation.

Well old fashioned ideas have been set aside today for a multitude of reasons the primary reason being, there are no longer any “respectable people” left. At least on this planet. And greed and power is the life blood which makes this country GREAT! (Haven’t you heard?)

So realizing all of this Tubularsock contacted Uncle Vinnie and asked if Tubularsock could be placed into a respected position in the “family” business. Tubularsock felt it was time to dust off his Sicilian heritage …… Ciao amici !

And that is why Tubularsock is now CEO of TUBULARSOCK CORRUPTION SERVICES, LIMITED.

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Well, your first question is ……..

Exactly, who does TCS,Ltd. represent?

This information can not be divulged to outsiders but Tubularsock will share this only with YOU. Seriously ………. look in the mirror, YOU! (make sure no one else is in the mirror)

Hillary Clinton is one of our favorite clients.

As you know HC is running for office of something or other.

Every major defense contractor in the U.S. has given The Clinton Foundation hundreds of millions of dollars while she was Secretary of State.

Hell, while Hillary Clinton was Secretary of State, her department approved $165 billion worth of commercial arms sales to 20 nations whose governments had given money to The Clinton Foundation. Plus a further $151 billion of separate Pentagon-brokered deals for 16 of those countries!

And the Secretary of State oversee which defense contractor get government contracts for defense projects.

EVERY defense contractor who donated money to the Clinton Foundation received billions of dollars in defense contacts.

But in truth it’s the “bag-man” that arranges those transaction and that is where TCS,Ltd. steps into this financial-food-chain.

And the “bags” don’t exist any longer because TCS,Ltd. uses computers. Sure Uncle Vinnie is nostalgic but Fanculo tutti !

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And just to add profit to profit TCS,Ltd. also handles all of Hillary’s Wall Street speeches as well.

And Hillary has spoken very little but TCS,Ltd. charges Wall Street by the word and as you know words COST!

For example, Golden-Sacks, oop!, sorry Goldman Sachs paid Hillary $225,000 for ONE speech in 2013. But really, that was only about $83 a word. Cheap if you ask Tubularsock. And on Tubularsock’s suggestion “Ladies and Gentlemen” and “Thank You And Good Evening” were free. It was kind of like a perk.

Adding in Morgan Stanley, Goldman Sachs, Deutsche Bank and UBS all together Hillary hauled in $3.15 million in 2013 for just talking to them.

But with TCS,Ltd. at the helm the money ball keeps rolling into 2014, 2015 and 2016.

The tech sector has put up over $3.2 million dollars to hear Hillary’s golden words at about $307.00 a word.

And Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce and TD Bank both primary sponsors in the promoting of the controversial Keystone XL pipeline has paid Hillary $1.6 million for eight speeches in 2014 and 2015.

And Hillary earned at least $2.7 million from speeches at companies backing the trade promotion authority (TPA ) for “fast tracking” trade deals.

Surprisingly EVEN the maimed-stream-media was forced to ask Hillary whether she felt that taking all this money from these banks and companies was a “possible” CONFLICT OF INTEREST.

Hillary said: “No”.

And that was it, folks. FULL AND FAIR COVERAGE!

So with a clean slate and the March To The White House underway Tubularsock should soon be getting a huge CEO bonus for manning the turbulent ship that is TCS,Ltd.

And as Uncle Vinnie always says: Ricordate la vostra famiglia e rispettare la vostra madre o ti ammazzo!

Tubepensig

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OIL: SLIP SLIDING AWAY!

Have you noticed that gas prices are down? Wonder why? Did you also notice in this last election cycle that that wasn’t even mentioned by the Democrats as an indicator of how well the Party’s President was doing? Wonder why?

And the biggest surprise is the gas prices came down EVEN WITHOUT the XL pipeline being approved! So much for that stupid argument which was stupid only because the shit oil being pumped out of Canada is for export only and has NOTHING to do with oil prices within the United States.

So what gives America?

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Now Tubularsock put on his oily rubber boots with the American flag embossed on each boot and stepped right into the middle of the ooze. And here is what was discovered.

Never say Tubularsock is not willing to ooze the extra mile for your knowledge ………

You see in early November Saudi Arabia lowered its oil price per barrel.

Wow. What a nice surprise. And just in time for Christmas too.

You know how those Moslems love Christians.

Now some say that the Saudis did this because by lowering the world oil prices it would fuck up the Assad Government in Syria and put pressure on Iran as well.

And some say that the Saudis are trying to put pressure on North Dakota and it’s shale oil costs. That reasoning goes like this; the cost of extracting shale oil is expensive as opposed to just pumping it out of the ground in the Saudi’s established oil fields.

Driving the oil price down may force some smaller oil shale producers to slow production because they can’t recoup costs when oil on the commodity market hits below $80 a barrel.

And then some say that the Saudis lowered the price of crude to fuck up Putin and the Ukraine mess. Russia helps to balance its budget by selling oil. If the price goes down it puts the pressure on the Russian economy and the U.S. imposed sanctions put a bigger squeeze on the Russians.

Now the Saudis say that their influence is not as powerful as it once was and the world supply and demand has caused this dip in crude oil prices.

So Saudi Arabia dumping oil into the market is to just to get a competitive edge. Hmmm.

Just after Crimea voted to rejoin Russia Obummer happened to just drop in on Riyadh. You know, like gosh I was just in the neighborhood and thought we’d have a meeting.

“Leonid Fedun, a co-owner of the private oil firm Lukoil, cited President Barack Obama’s visit to Riyadh in March. “Obama travelled to meet the king of Saudi Arabia just after the Crimea events to push him to these actions (to lower the oil price),” Fedun, whose firm has large U.S. assets, said last month.” (Reuters)

New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman, wrote last month, “Is it just my imagination or is there a global oil war underway pitting the United States and Saudi Arabia on one side against Russia and Iran on the other?”

Tubularsock wouldn’t be surprised. Of course it must be just another one of those conspiracy theories.

In September U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry made a trip to Saudi Arabia because he was just passing through town. “When asked if his discussions had touched on Russia’s need for oil above $100 to balance its budget, he smiled and said: “They (Saudis) are very, very well aware of their ability to have an impact on global oil prices.”(Reuters)

But for Tubularsock the most logical explanation, the one that seems most reasonable is that Saudi Arabia has DECLARED WAR on North Dakota!

And the question which remains is are we as Americans going to just sit back and let this happen OR do we do what we do best …….. send in HUMANITARIAN TROOPS and bomb and drone and destroy North Dakota in order to save democracy!

The answer is really up to YOU America!

Oh well, there may be another thing for Americans to take a look at. Just maybe the price of gasoline can be manipulated by ahhh ……. somebody.

Usually the price of gas goes up and up and up when there is trouble in the Middle East but since there is no trouble in the Middle East the price of gasoline has gone down.

Funny how that works.

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LOSING YOUR HEAD OVER ISIS!

As usual, Tubularsock sits in awe of stupidity.  Obomber’s speech sounded like Bush’s speech, sounded like Johnson’s speech, sounded like Nixon’s speech.

There is always that underpinning whether mentioned or not that we have to stop the Vietcong, al Qaida, ISIS over there or they will be on our shores in a minute.

Even though YOU can’t get on a plane without a crotch search.

Tubularsock ain’t scared!

And oh how BARBARIC they all are, down right uncivilized!

Did you know that ISIS cuts people’s heads off?

And oh my god, they WATER-BOARD their prisoners!

Can it get any worse than that?

Well yes, they TORTURE their prisoners and if that isn’t enough

they make their prisoners wear orange jump suits!

And unlike “OUR” CIA they didn’t destroy their videos of doing all these things, THEY POST THEM ON YOUTUBE!

Talk about transparency! 

My god, what is this world coming to?

Somehow in all this is always our rush to bomb …… well, bomb somebody.

And bombing has worked so well that it will just be as effective again!

And again, and again, and again ……… see how effective it is?

Let’s see, ahh …….. women and children first is what Tubularsock likes to say.

Ok. And the old people! They can’t get out of the way anyway.

Yep, lets shock and awe them.

And what gets Tubularsock the most is that WE (meaning the United States) helped create ISIS. WE (meaning the United States) funded them and trained them to help fight Syria. And remember WE (meaning the United States) also funded and trained bin Laden’s al Qaida back in the day to help fight the Soviet Union in Afghanistan.

Somehow that never gets mentioned in the speeches and the maimed stream media.

The other crap that seemed to be missed is in August, Saudi Arabia executed 15 people by chopping off their heads. You remember Saudi Arabia …… they are one of our allies.

And the “moderate” elements of the rebel groups in Syria which WE (meaning the United States) have been and are going to continue to arm, fund, and train cut off 8 heads of captured ISIS rebels in the past few days.

Now you tell Tubularsock ……… does it look like beheading really means all that much to the President or Congress to you?

Now the realization that bombing people usually turns them INTO terrorists still hasn’t penetrated Obomber’s head. Bush didn’t get that either and the Vietcong grew under Johnson’s and Nixon’s bombing.

So why is it that bombing is the first line of defense?

Hmmm. Just maybe we need terrorists.

It appears to Tubularsock that it is the ONLY job program Obummer and Congress have come up with that works!

There doesn’t appear to be any unemployment in ISIS. And you have to admit ISIS even sounds like a government program?

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From a series of informed sources who are not authorized to speak on this issue but have nothing else to do today in the bloated government bureaucracy has presented an outline of the influence of the new Secretary Of The Inferior on the Obama Administration.*

The Tubularsock News Team has also sent our stealth photographer into the mix and has documented photographic evidence of all the rumor and innuendo.

As we like to say at the Tubularsock News Team break-room, “If a picture is worth a thousand words then this story is worth ten thousand words!”

Rather than be accused of conflict of interest we have turned our investigative journalism over to the tabloid, The New York Toast.

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From the very beginning fear in the Administration was palpable. Could a “commoner” be able to bond with the elite?

Well, our inside sources all concurred that the new Secretary Of The Inferior fit like a hand in a glove.

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The new Secretary Of The Inferior was asked by the press how he felt to be at the left hand of The President of the United States and he clearly stated, “no, the steak tartare please”.

The more comfortable the Secretary Of The Inferior became the more cautious distrust  appeared within the West Wing. In fact, down right suspiciousness of his intentions were felt and cloaked in plutocratic innuendo.

This type of approach to an obvious “outsider” was lost on the Secretary who felt that they liked him. But he started to isolate himself in the President’s office.

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That suspicious attitude became more prevalent within the President himself.

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However the Secretary Of The Inferior and Michelle became more ……..

Say ………… ahh, shall we say “friendly”?

Not being sure of the Secretary Of The Inferior’s intentions Obama started to take him with him whenever he traveled.

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Plane Wave

And then one day the President and the Secretary Of The Inferior were scheduled to fly to the Asian Conference in Kuala Lumpur.

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Stolen

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Now in any Presidential Administration lots of stuff gets stolen. Paper clips, ball point pens, computers, ground-keeper tools, ballistic missiles, large sums of cash, larger sums of cash, cash of larger sums than that and one’s integrity.

The biggest surprise is that anyone noticed.

Immediately Congress formed two committees, one in the House and one in the Senate. Each committee member and staff took it upon themselves to fly to Kuala Lumpur to see where Air Force One should have landed if it hadn’t been stolen.

It was verified that there was NO, they repeated NO, Air Force One on any golf course in Kuala Lumpur.

Senator John McCain was unable to say, “The terrorist have been part of this Obama Administration for some time and the Ukrainian people need all ….. no, I mean Palestine has to be considered ….. no, I mean  …”

The CIA, NSA, DIA, NGA, NRO, AFISRA, MI, MCIA, ONI, OICI, I&A, CGI, FB/NSB, DEA/ONSI, INR, and the TFI were all called into service but many of them were out of the office so a message was left with their respective receptionists. **

All of these agencies work separately and together to conduct intelligence activities and are under the I.C. which is headed by the DNI, who reports to the President.**

The FBI, DOS, DSS, IRS-CID, TIGTA, USMP, DOD, DCIS, CID, OSI, NCIS, DOJ, ATF, USDI, USDA, DOC, HHS, DHS, USCG, FPS, CGPD, CBP, ICE, USSS, SPS,USCP, USPIS were also all put on the case. **

It appears that the USPIS (United States Postal Inspection Service) may have not been necessary however Senator Diane Feinstein insisted that it was not because her husband was well invested in post offices that the agency must play a role. It was because of “. . . her keen concern to protect every woman and child of this great land”.

As Senator Feinstein did not say, “That plane could have been easily packed up in a pre-postage-paid-priority-mail-express-package and shipped to the Russians for all we know!”

As a result over seventeen million dollars will be allocated to throughly inspect ALL the P.O.Boxes in every post office within the United States.

Representative Robert Fuckoff (R) Ohio demanded that for national security concerns he would pursue drafting a bill to create an inspection team to investigate all “general delivery” windows of every post office in the United States.

During an impromptu stop over at the employee’s break room at Postal Inspection, Inc. Rep. Fuckoff stated, “This twenty-seven million dollar allocation bill will ensure that inspections would be conducted on all “general delivery” locations. What better way is there to protect our citizens from terrorists who want to harm our home-land?” 

When the maimed-stream media asked about the rumor that his family was involved in Postal Inspection, Inc. Representative Fuckoff stated, “Those accusations have been made before!” 

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A Special Blue Ribbon Committee was appointed immediately if not sooner by the President to “investigate the disappearance of Air Force One and The Secretary Of The Inferior” and to report back to him. The President insisted that the Committee’s work would be totally transparent and would be held in secret for national security reasons.

The maimed-stream media didn’t pursue the definition of transparent assuming the President is a Constitutional Scholar and knew the definition better than they.

Congress announced that it will immediately take up the issue of funding the Special Blue Ribbon Committee as soon as they return from their inter-session break and before their fall break. This leaves “. . . a corridor of six full hours” stated Senator DipStick (D) from Louisiana. 

Conspiracy

First there were the sightings.

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(UPI) “They were ALL there”, said Jimmy Insano from DelRio, Texas. “Right out in front of the Dairy Queen! Elvis, bin Laden, Kennedy and the Secretary Of The Inferior!

“I didn’t see no plane or anything like that …… but I didn’t go in the Dairy Queen. Sure, it could have been in there.”

 The heat in DelRio at times reaches 135 degrees in the shade.

(The Sun, UK) “The chances of Air Force One being snatched from the sky by an alien space craft isn’t as far fetched as it may appear” says Jay Jay Johnson. “There have been sightings recently as far away as Denver”, he continued. “Space IS the final frontier, you know, and if and I’m saying IF, The Secretary Of The Inferior had been sent with a message to give to extraterrestrials, then why not?” Jay Jay Johnson concluded.

(New York Times) It was reported today that the Malaysian Government was asked by President Obama to assist in the tracking of the missing Air Force One. Critics say this new development has created perhaps a “hint” that the President isn’t sincere about finding the Secretary Of The Inferior.

President Obama’s new Press Secretary Josh Earnest, stated at todays news briefing that “. . . he was earnest that the President was earnest about the search for Air Force One as well as The Secretary Of The Inferior”.

This confused the White House Press Corp because they thought the President was not Earnest because Josh Earnest was Earnest. And Josh Earnest stated that he was earnest and the President was earnest as well. The White House Press Corp reiterated that Earnest was Earnest and Earnest was not Obama.

After forty-five minutes the Earnest – earnest conundrum was tabled until a later date.

(FOX News) Donald Rumsfeld was asked to comment on the incident and stated: “we know, there are known knowns; there are things that we know that we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don’t know we don’t know.”

And he continued, “The missing Secretary Of The Inferior is the ultimate in unknown unknowns, if you ask me.”

And of course, Dick Cheney was asked for comments on this new international mystery but was unable to make it to the interview because he had “left his heart in San Francisco” and hadn’t noticed until his flight was over Wisconsin. Which at that point had to turn his flight back to the West Coast.

 

 

 

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footnotes:

* To catch up with The Secretary Of The Inferior refer back to: blog post, NEW EMPLOYMENT, NEW ECONOMY.

** Those are all investigating agencies of the United States Government. Tubularsock doesn’t have time to make that much shit up!

All photographs may look like they have been altered in some way. They have NOT! However they are a different angle from the original photo.

Photography is in the eye of the beholder.

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