Archive for the ‘Secret Service’ Category

JEFF SESSIONS, GOAT FUCKER?

 

It has been many years now that Tubularsock was wandering Europe. But all of this Naziesque crap being directed by OrangeTurd and his trusty companion BibleThumper Jeff has brought back a long forgotten conversation.

Tubularsock was driving through Germany with a trusted friend. We were taking the “slow” way through the German hinterland and was driving through the Black Forest area with no real destination in mind.

The evergreen forests and picturesque villages were right out of a “living” traveler guidebook. An amazing area of Germany to visit especially if you are a meandering traveler.

It was there, sitting in the car at a pullout that our conversation began. If we had been German citizens during the rise of Hitler and if we had been living in this area of German, just how knowledgeable would we have been about Auschwitz in Poland and what was happening in Germany at large as well?

As the hate and fear was propagated that “others” were not worthy of our concern just how shutdown to this oncoming evil would we have grokked?

Tubularsock has many German friends that have stated that their parent’s generation, after the war, would NOT EVEN discuss this subject or explain how they had been duped by Hitler and his hate filled belief system. The shame was too great and they didn’t want to explain their role of even being citizens in that mess.

Jump to Jeff Session interpreting the Bible, Romans 13 suggesting that God supports the government in separating immigrant parents from their children.

 

And it looks to Tubularsock that Jeff has as much knowledge as Tubularsock has about Biblical interpretation when Tubularsock interprets Isaiah 11:6 “. . . the leopard will lie down with the goat . . .” to mean that Jeff Sessions fucks goats!

Now, Tubularsock may not be the best Biblical scholar, however, it just goes to show you that Jeff too is rather selective at cherry picking passages of the Bible for his own political purposes. Shame on you Jeff, you old goat fucker!

 

And then we have Plastic Melania in her “I Don’t Care, Do U” coat going off to see the children in jail to bestow her “motherly love” with her magic wand.

Leaving Barron home alone with his unstable Orange-“father”.

Poor, Poor Barron, assumed to have been born from a turkey baster impregnation so Plastic Mom didn’t have to have that gross Fat-Orange-Body thrusting and panting attempting to get a hard on to do the job.

 

FREE BARRON!, FREE BARRON!, FREE BARRON!

 

Wow, speaking of child molestation! Can you imagine having to be trapped in a “family” with Donald Jr., Ivanka, and Eric!

Tiffany is not so bad.

But leave it to Peter Fonda to hit the nail on the head with his tweet calling for Barron to be “. . . ripped from his mother’s arms and put in a cage with pedophiles.”

Of course, Peter apologized later saying he had been upset over Trump’s Policy and he had “. . . tweeted something highly inappropriate and vulgar about the president and his family in response to the devastating images I was seeing on television.”

OH CONTRAIR!

The pedophile part WAS a little bit over the top but at least the cage would help protect Barron from Plastic-mom, Orange-dad, and the evil Munchkins!

But unlike the children stolen from their parents at the border Plastic-mom had the U.S. Secret Service notified. Some kids warrant special attention.

 

FREE BARRON!, FREE BARRON!, FREE BARRON!

 

So Plastic-I-Don’t-Care wanted to see for herself what was happening to the imprisoned children of Latin American descent so, if you can believe this, she was sent to a facility opened to the first lady which was, of course, selected keeping in mind the press would be accompanying her.

“Other such facilities around the country have denied access to Democratic lawmakers and media”.

You know, like any good DEMOCRATIC society would do. Prevent Congress from representing the people they are supposed to represent and be the eyes of the people. Republicans are prevented as well. You know, to keep it fair.

Well, it sure fooled Plastic I-Don’t-Care!

Tubularsock is sure that everyone was on best behavior for the Plastic-Lady! She thanked everyone for a job well done and then got into her jet and flew back to Washington, D.C.

She left with her parting words that the U.S. should “govern with heart”!

And Tubularsock agrees and just maybe it has come time to pull that used heart of Dick Cheney and plant it into Donald. That heart never seemed to work for Cheney anyway.

The Nazi mind set is running again and the American public can be awakened to the possible further destruction of what is left of American Values which weren’t that strong to begin with or we can watch the edges of the toilet bowl as we all swirl down into the depth of the Black Forest never to be seen again.

 

It actually is up to US!

Trump has embarrassed the United States of America in the World and as his Scottish-born mother’s relatives have stated: “His Mother had been acutely embarrassed by the antics of her fourth child during the 1990s when his failing marriage and business were the subject of intense tabloid scrutiny.

Mary Trump died in 2000, but if his mother was upset with his crap in the 1990’s she must be turning over in her grave NOW!

And as for dear daddy, Fred C. Trump with his German ancestry as a nap-sack was arrested at a Ku Klux Klan riot in New York in 1927, records reveal. He died in 1999.

 

Need Tubularsock say more? The racist apple hasn’t fallen far from the tree, now has it!

 

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A TUBULARSOCK EXCLUSIVE:
NEWS BEFORE IT HAPPENS!

Ok as usual, Tubularsock has an insider’s perspective into the current administration being that as Secretary of the Deplorables Tubularsock is on the “right” side of the right government policies of The Super-Bigly Great Orange One!

Rumor has it that Tubularsock has positioned himself in the current West Wing of the White House in the boiler-room where he has control of the heating and cooling of the building. Being the ONLY member of the current administration that knows the secret codes for the indoor environment of the White House puts Tubularsock in an enviable power position.

So when it was reviled by the New York Signs, a hostile progressive publication, that the
Secretary of the Deplorables had been subpoenaed by Robert Mueller much anticipation was anticipated. And as that anticipated anticipation grew the left-stream-press concluded that Russia was involved!

 

As Tubularsock, “. . . first hand coverage, second hand news”, a non-biased news outlet has reported through an official, who spoke on condition of anonymity because she was not authorized to speak to the media, that Russia may have a relationship with the Secretary of the Deplorables but this was denied by the administration.

However it was noted by a former Secret Service agent who did not wish to be identified that some ties with the Russian Government may be true. Some documentation was procured from this individual as seen below.

 

“I hasten to point out that in no sense do I claim the ideas I am submitting are a real thing. They constitute a theory, not a thesis”, stated the former Secret Service agent.

But an American official familiar with the talks with Mueller, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak publicly stated, “some pictures are really worth a thousand words”.

Yet the investigation conducted by the sharp-eyed-reporters from Tubularsock, “. . . first hand coverage, second hand news”, a non-biased news outlet has produced an actual photograph that may add some light to the Trump-Tube Russian connection.

 

Now sure Felix Sater has Russian connections! Hell, he’s Russian!

When asked, Tubularsock, Trump’s Secretary of the Deplorables, stated, “Felix Sater is a Russian-American gangster of the old school. You know, a classical American tradition type Eliot Ness gangster. It is this solid American criminal tradition that our President believes in …… make  America Great again!”

Felix Sater has deep financial connections to Trump and to Russia. Felix Sater has been a friend of Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen since childhood, and is an important Trump business partner who worked out of Trump Tower.

But funny, when Donald was asked about his connections with Felix, Trump said, “I’m not that familiar with him.”

Which would be expected for Trump to say especially after his associate Felix Sater, described his ambitions in emails to Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen.

In those emails Sater states, “Our boy can become president of the USA and we can engineer it. I will get all of Putins team to buy in on this, I will manage this process.” (New York Times … for real!)

So we all have, so far, three possible Russian connections with Trump.

The first is the meeting in Trump Tower between Russian agents and Donald Trump Jr., Paul Manafort, and Jared Kushner.

The second connection is the attempt by Republican operative Peter W. Smith to obtain Hillary Clinton’s emails through Russian hackers. According to The Wall Street Journal “Robert Mueller is investigating Michael Flynn’s connection to this operation”.

And the third connection is Felix Sater.

Looks like a full plate.

 

But in truth the Russian connection is there but it is mostly bullshit. The real deal is going to be the evidence that is being collected on financial crimes, including potential money laundering that is where Donald and his family are going to go down!

 

 

 

TUBE KICK CAP HEADING

 

Well Saints Be Praised! Ok, maybe not Saints as Tubularsock comes to think about it.

Just what has Saints done for Tubularsock lately ……. can’t think of a thing!

Saints don’t really seem much good if you look at it. They are all dead for starters. That in itself is a downer. They usually are made of stone and they stand on pedestals. Usually OVER you ……… fuck that!

Tubularsock has always thought he’d make a great Saint. He’s stoned for starters and then …….. well, like heaven dude. What a fucking great job. And with a title, Saint Tube!

Ok. Let’s get grounded ………

And what better way than to enter fantasy land.

The Secret Service wants to spend $8 million dollars to build a replica of the White House and the White House grounds so as to have a training site that is a “more realistic environment, conducive to scenario-based training exercises,” according to Joseph Clancy, the director of the Secret Service.

Where in the fuck is Walt Disney when we need him? No really, Pirates of the Caribbean via the White House! That seems to fit!

Now this idea has all come about because the Secret Service has fucked up in its role of protecting the President and his family that something has to be done to show that they care about holding on to their jobs!

Now Joe states that, “Right now, we train on a parking lot, basically. We put up a makeshift fence and walk off the distance between the fence at the White House and the actual house itself. We don’t have the bushes, we don’t have the fountains, we don’t get a realistic look at the White House.”

No really, they don’t get a realistic look at the White House. That is important!

“It’s important to have a true replica of the White House so we can do a better job of integrated training between our uniform division officers, our agents and our tactical teams,” Joe informs us.

Now really, $8 million?

How about paying a little more to the uniform division to stay awake on the job. Tubularsock for $8 million could find competent people to stand guard at every fucking door at the White House 24/7/365!

Training? A fucking guy jumps the fence, runs across the fucking lawn that is longer than a football field opens an unlocked FRONT door of the residence enters the East Room and starts to run up the stairs before anyone notices?

And having an $8 million fake White House will provide better training than LOCKING THE FUCKING FRONT DOOR?

tube double finger copy

Excuse Tubularsock, “where’s my bong?”

Ahh, refreshed again ………….

Now after the latest “home invasion” of the White House the secretary of the Department of Homeland Security, Jeh Johnson appointed a panel of security EXPERTS and being experts they recommended that immediately A HIGHER FENCE was in order. Hey guys, WE are paying these fuckers. Wow, A HIGHER FENCE. Now that is expert thinking!

And on top of that these EXPERTS posed that “problems exposed by recent events go deeper than a new fence can fix.” No shit Dick Tracy!

But rather than concluding that the Secret Service should 1. stay awake, 2. lock the door, and 3. heighten the fence these experts recommended that employees train “in conditions that replicate the physical environment in which they will operate.”

The conclusion: an $8 million Disneyland White House!

But that is not all! The Secret Service budget request includes

funds to renovate a “live-fire shoot house” and to repair and enhance a “tactical

village” training site that aims to recreate a city street environment.

Now just what could go wrong with that idea?

But like always Joseph Clancy, the director of the Secret Service and Jeh Johnson, secretary of the Department of Homeland Security missed a key point when it comes to “conditions that replicate the physical environment in which they (the Secret Service) will operate.”

Tubularsock recommends that an additional $10 million be appropriated to build an exact replica of a Colombian brothel, and a Florida brothel, and a Washington, D.C. brothel so as to “. . . replicate the physical environment in which they (the Secret Service) will operate.” For some reason the Secret Service seem to have an enlarged libedo and a lot of time on their hands.

Tubularsock just likes to get down to real.

And what is REAL?

Simple!

If the Secret Service uniformed division officers, agents and tactical teams would tend to their job of protecting the White House and the President and his family and just STOP FUCKING AROUND the “problem” would be solved.

Tubularsock would hire “greeters” from Walmart to protect the White House. Damn, everyone is afraid of old fucks! And let the Saints go marching in. Amen.

Don’t miss D.C. Percilla’s take on all this …………. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqBxf7qMVfY

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CHENEY KICK-START: an idea whose time has come ……….

Tubularsock has never been a big fan of rendition but understands its legal necessity.  Extraordinary rendition is beyond the pale of decency and outside the bounds of acceptable behavior if there is to be a belief in the rule of law.

Simple rendition in law is a term which means “handing over” of a person or property from one jurisdiction to another. This is all completed under due process and is handled through the courts with warrants and is an open and legal process.

But extraordinary rendition is a different kettle of fish.

Extraordinary rendition falls into the extrajudicial category. This is when a government sponsors an abduction of a person and transfers that person from one country to another. It is not legal and it is a violation of laws of the United States and international laws and agreements.

Bush and the boys and Condo made it popular but old Alzheimer-demented Reagan did it and “distinctly-marked-penes” Bill Clinton also engaged in the practice as well.

Obomber uses it too but with reduced frequency, so it is said, but none the less it is still being used.

And to Tubularsock’s new way of thinking …….. thank goodness!

Here is the plan:

Tubularsock will find a country that will support a WAR CRIMES TRIBUNAL that will prosecute DICK CHENEY for war crimes for torture.

Dick will be our test case ……….. a pilot program if you will.

Tubularsock will start a Kickstarter Campaign in order to raise the money needed to hire a team of underhanded-slimy-criminal-minded individuals to gag and put a black bag over Dick Cheney’s head and bind him with standard ACE hardware duct tape (to keep the cost down) and throw him in a trunk and slip him off to the country that has agreed to conduct the WAR CRIMES TRIBUNAL.

Cheney kickstart

Tubularsock figures ……. say a $15 million Kickstarter Campaign. That will include the pre-operational expenses such as Tubularsock flying to Zurich to purchase a Gucci Bag to cover Dick’s head. Tubularsock believes in a class-act Extraordinary rendition so a regular plebeian bag for this dastardly deed will not cut it!

And for you penny-pinching followers may Tubularsock remind you of the financial savings that has already been exhibited by use of ACE hardware duct tape!

The pre-operational expenses also includes the WANTED FOR WAR CRIMES posters that will need to be printed. (as shown above) Hey, sure 100% post-consumer recycled paper is more expensive and so is using soy based ink. Do remember we are trying to improve the earth here not just bring war criminals to justice.

Another cost factor that has got to be addressed within the pre-operational expenses is the prepayment of the whores and booze necessary to ply the Secret Service. So as to be able grab Dick.       (excuse the expression)

Dick Cheney is so well hated that he has additional Secret Service Protection as well as Private Contracted Security.

The Secret Service Detail can easily be distracted with a couple of bottles of booze and a hot prostitute which has been shown time and again.

The Private Contracted Security will have to be killed! Now don’t get squeamish now. Every Extraordinary rendition has collateral damage, so get over it!

Now some are going to say that by starting a Kickstarter Campaign to raise $15 million will attract the attention of the authorities.

Not so! You forget that the FBI is so busy setting up mental-disabled Muslims with fake explosives and guns so as to be captured as terrorists within the United States that they have no time to review every Kickstarter Campaign.

And the CIA is likewise so busy running guns and drugs that they’ll believe it is one of their own operations and before they wake up to the fact that it isn’t ….. we’ll have Dick in an undisclosed location.

Now just to relieve any trepidation on your part about being identified as “co-conspirators” you can also contribute to Tubularsock’s Extraordinary rendition project more directly.

Send  $1000.00 in small unmarked bills to:

Secret Tubularsock Idea

#1 Underground Bunker

Oakland, CA xxxxxx

The zip code x’s provide extra security.

AND “THEY” SAY CHANGE CAN’T HAPPEN!

good ideas happen

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Known war criminals

 

White House War Criminals

 

 

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