Archive for the ‘Secret Service’ Category


Ok as usual, Tubularsock has an insider’s perspective into the current administration being that as Secretary of the Deplorables Tubularsock is on the “right” side of the right government policies of The Super-Bigly Great Orange One!

Rumor has it that Tubularsock has positioned himself in the current West Wing of the White House in the boiler-room where he has control of the heating and cooling of the building. Being the ONLY member of the current administration that knows the secret codes for the indoor environment of the White House puts Tubularsock in an enviable power position.

So when it was reviled by the New York Signs, a hostile progressive publication, that the
Secretary of the Deplorables had been subpoenaed by Robert Mueller much anticipation was anticipated. And as that anticipated anticipation grew the left-stream-press concluded that Russia was involved!


As Tubularsock, “. . . first hand coverage, second hand news”, a non-biased news outlet has reported through an official, who spoke on condition of anonymity because she was not authorized to speak to the media, that Russia may have a relationship with the Secretary of the Deplorables but this was denied by the administration.

However it was noted by a former Secret Service agent who did not wish to be identified that some ties with the Russian Government may be true. Some documentation was procured from this individual as seen below.


“I hasten to point out that in no sense do I claim the ideas I am submitting are a real thing. They constitute a theory, not a thesis”, stated the former Secret Service agent.

But an American official familiar with the talks with Mueller, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak publicly stated, “some pictures are really worth a thousand words”.

Yet the investigation conducted by the sharp-eyed-reporters from Tubularsock, “. . . first hand coverage, second hand news”, a non-biased news outlet has produced an actual photograph that may add some light to the Trump-Tube Russian connection.


Now sure Felix Sater has Russian connections! Hell, he’s Russian!

When asked, Tubularsock, Trump’s Secretary of the Deplorables, stated, “Felix Sater is a Russian-American gangster of the old school. You know, a classical American tradition type Eliot Ness gangster. It is this solid American criminal tradition that our President believes in …… make  America Great again!”

Felix Sater has deep financial connections to Trump and to Russia. Felix Sater has been a friend of Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen since childhood, and is an important Trump business partner who worked out of Trump Tower.

But funny, when Donald was asked about his connections with Felix, Trump said, “I’m not that familiar with him.”

Which would be expected for Trump to say especially after his associate Felix Sater, described his ambitions in emails to Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen.

In those emails Sater states, “Our boy can become president of the USA and we can engineer it. I will get all of Putins team to buy in on this, I will manage this process.” (New York Times … for real!)

So we all have, so far, three possible Russian connections with Trump.

The first is the meeting in Trump Tower between Russian agents and Donald Trump Jr., Paul Manafort, and Jared Kushner.

The second connection is the attempt by Republican operative Peter W. Smith to obtain Hillary Clinton’s emails through Russian hackers. According to The Wall Street Journal “Robert Mueller is investigating Michael Flynn’s connection to this operation”.

And the third connection is Felix Sater.

Looks like a full plate.


But in truth the Russian connection is there but it is mostly bullshit. The real deal is going to be the evidence that is being collected on financial crimes, including potential money laundering that is where Donald and his family are going to go down!







Well Saints Be Praised! Ok, maybe not Saints as Tubularsock comes to think about it.

Just what has Saints done for Tubularsock lately ……. can’t think of a thing!

Saints don’t really seem much good if you look at it. They are all dead for starters. That in itself is a downer. They usually are made of stone and they stand on pedestals. Usually OVER you ……… fuck that!

Tubularsock has always thought he’d make a great Saint. He’s stoned for starters and then …….. well, like heaven dude. What a fucking great job. And with a title, Saint Tube!

Ok. Let’s get grounded ………

And what better way than to enter fantasy land.

The Secret Service wants to spend $8 million dollars to build a replica of the White House and the White House grounds so as to have a training site that is a “more realistic environment, conducive to scenario-based training exercises,” according to Joseph Clancy, the director of the Secret Service.

Where in the fuck is Walt Disney when we need him? No really, Pirates of the Caribbean via the White House! That seems to fit!

Now this idea has all come about because the Secret Service has fucked up in its role of protecting the President and his family that something has to be done to show that they care about holding on to their jobs!

Now Joe states that, “Right now, we train on a parking lot, basically. We put up a makeshift fence and walk off the distance between the fence at the White House and the actual house itself. We don’t have the bushes, we don’t have the fountains, we don’t get a realistic look at the White House.”

No really, they don’t get a realistic look at the White House. That is important!

“It’s important to have a true replica of the White House so we can do a better job of integrated training between our uniform division officers, our agents and our tactical teams,” Joe informs us.

Now really, $8 million?

How about paying a little more to the uniform division to stay awake on the job. Tubularsock for $8 million could find competent people to stand guard at every fucking door at the White House 24/7/365!

Training? A fucking guy jumps the fence, runs across the fucking lawn that is longer than a football field opens an unlocked FRONT door of the residence enters the East Room and starts to run up the stairs before anyone notices?

And having an $8 million fake White House will provide better training than LOCKING THE FUCKING FRONT DOOR?

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Excuse Tubularsock, “where’s my bong?”

Ahh, refreshed again ………….

Now after the latest “home invasion” of the White House the secretary of the Department of Homeland Security, Jeh Johnson appointed a panel of security EXPERTS and being experts they recommended that immediately A HIGHER FENCE was in order. Hey guys, WE are paying these fuckers. Wow, A HIGHER FENCE. Now that is expert thinking!

And on top of that these EXPERTS posed that “problems exposed by recent events go deeper than a new fence can fix.” No shit Dick Tracy!

But rather than concluding that the Secret Service should 1. stay awake, 2. lock the door, and 3. heighten the fence these experts recommended that employees train “in conditions that replicate the physical environment in which they will operate.”

The conclusion: an $8 million Disneyland White House!

But that is not all! The Secret Service budget request includes

funds to renovate a “live-fire shoot house” and to repair and enhance a “tactical

village” training site that aims to recreate a city street environment.

Now just what could go wrong with that idea?

But like always Joseph Clancy, the director of the Secret Service and Jeh Johnson, secretary of the Department of Homeland Security missed a key point when it comes to “conditions that replicate the physical environment in which they (the Secret Service) will operate.”

Tubularsock recommends that an additional $10 million be appropriated to build an exact replica of a Colombian brothel, and a Florida brothel, and a Washington, D.C. brothel so as to “. . . replicate the physical environment in which they (the Secret Service) will operate.” For some reason the Secret Service seem to have an enlarged libedo and a lot of time on their hands.

Tubularsock just likes to get down to real.

And what is REAL?


If the Secret Service uniformed division officers, agents and tactical teams would tend to their job of protecting the White House and the President and his family and just STOP FUCKING AROUND the “problem” would be solved.

Tubularsock would hire “greeters” from Walmart to protect the White House. Damn, everyone is afraid of old fucks! And let the Saints go marching in. Amen.

Don’t miss D.C. Percilla’s take on all this ………….

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CHENEY KICK-START: an idea whose time has come ……….

Tubularsock has never been a big fan of rendition but understands its legal necessity.  Extraordinary rendition is beyond the pale of decency and outside the bounds of acceptable behavior if there is to be a belief in the rule of law.

Simple rendition in law is a term which means “handing over” of a person or property from one jurisdiction to another. This is all completed under due process and is handled through the courts with warrants and is an open and legal process.

But extraordinary rendition is a different kettle of fish.

Extraordinary rendition falls into the extrajudicial category. This is when a government sponsors an abduction of a person and transfers that person from one country to another. It is not legal and it is a violation of laws of the United States and international laws and agreements.

Bush and the boys and Condo made it popular but old Alzheimer-demented Reagan did it and “distinctly-marked-penes” Bill Clinton also engaged in the practice as well.

Obomber uses it too but with reduced frequency, so it is said, but none the less it is still being used.

And to Tubularsock’s new way of thinking …….. thank goodness!

Here is the plan:

Tubularsock will find a country that will support a WAR CRIMES TRIBUNAL that will prosecute DICK CHENEY for war crimes for torture.

Dick will be our test case ……….. a pilot program if you will.

Tubularsock will start a Kickstarter Campaign in order to raise the money needed to hire a team of underhanded-slimy-criminal-minded individuals to gag and put a black bag over Dick Cheney’s head and bind him with standard ACE hardware duct tape (to keep the cost down) and throw him in a trunk and slip him off to the country that has agreed to conduct the WAR CRIMES TRIBUNAL.

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Tubularsock figures ……. say a $15 million Kickstarter Campaign. That will include the pre-operational expenses such as Tubularsock flying to Zurich to purchase a Gucci Bag to cover Dick’s head. Tubularsock believes in a class-act Extraordinary rendition so a regular plebeian bag for this dastardly deed will not cut it!

And for you penny-pinching followers may Tubularsock remind you of the financial savings that has already been exhibited by use of ACE hardware duct tape!

The pre-operational expenses also includes the WANTED FOR WAR CRIMES posters that will need to be printed. (as shown above) Hey, sure 100% post-consumer recycled paper is more expensive and so is using soy based ink. Do remember we are trying to improve the earth here not just bring war criminals to justice.

Another cost factor that has got to be addressed within the pre-operational expenses is the prepayment of the whores and booze necessary to ply the Secret Service. So as to be able grab Dick.       (excuse the expression)

Dick Cheney is so well hated that he has additional Secret Service Protection as well as Private Contracted Security.

The Secret Service Detail can easily be distracted with a couple of bottles of booze and a hot prostitute which has been shown time and again.

The Private Contracted Security will have to be killed! Now don’t get squeamish now. Every Extraordinary rendition has collateral damage, so get over it!

Now some are going to say that by starting a Kickstarter Campaign to raise $15 million will attract the attention of the authorities.

Not so! You forget that the FBI is so busy setting up mental-disabled Muslims with fake explosives and guns so as to be captured as terrorists within the United States that they have no time to review every Kickstarter Campaign.

And the CIA is likewise so busy running guns and drugs that they’ll believe it is one of their own operations and before they wake up to the fact that it isn’t ….. we’ll have Dick in an undisclosed location.

Now just to relieve any trepidation on your part about being identified as “co-conspirators” you can also contribute to Tubularsock’s Extraordinary rendition project more directly.

Send  $1000.00 in small unmarked bills to:

Secret Tubularsock Idea

#1 Underground Bunker

Oakland, CA xxxxxx

The zip code x’s provide extra security.


good ideas happen

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Known war criminals


White House War Criminals



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