Archive for the ‘Pussy Riot’ Category

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TUBE ON DIPLOMACY

 

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Oh gosh and golly-gee. Tubularsock was sitting in his top floor corner office in his under ground bunker overlooking Washington, D.C from Oakland, CA musing over a couple of articles from the Huffington Post.

Tubularsock can’t really say many good things about the Huffington Post but on a day like today Tubularsock will read anything.

And these articles jumped out and landed on the desk so Tubularsock thought he’d put them into a verbal collage to see just what would happen.

The first article was about how “people” are not happy with Nicki Minaj’s new video.

Wow! Now there’s some “news”!

So Tubularsock put on his Cultural-Investigative-Reporter-Hat and went to work.

Admittedly Tubularsock is a bit out of the loop because Tubularsock didn’t know who Nicki Minaj happened to be. Now how in the fuck did Tubularsock miss this?

Nicki Minaj

Well come to find out Nicki is a rather famous singer. Or Tubularsock thinks that what she does. Her videos are ……… well ah ……. she’s listed under music on YouTube anyway. Or maybe Tubularsock should say she isn’t Guy Lombardo.

Tubularsock likes rap as a form and the beat is hot but the lyrics get a little boring unless they are actually saying something.

Nicki’s lyrics do have a nice rhyme to them but the subject matter is well here’s an example:

“This dude named Michael

used to ride motorcycles

Dick bigger than a tower,

I ain’t talking about Eiffel’s

Real country-ass nigga,

let me play with his rifle

Pussy put his ass to sleep,

now he calling me NyQuil . . .”

Tubularsock can’t wait for NyQuil to pick up Nicki for an advertising contract. Hey! Like it could happen at the Super-Bowl!

Or maybe this “song” Anaconda could end up like one of those wedding song the bride and groom sing to each other after the ceremony. You know they may have to change some names around but the wedding consultant deals with that! Like it could happen!

That was her old video. Her new video is the “song” Only.

And I’ll bet you can not guess what people are “UNHAPPY” about in this new video.

Yep. You guessed it ……………. The Video included Nazi Imagery!

NAZI THEME

Oh Yeah! Wow, can’t have that now can we ……… I guess it clashes with the lyrics like,

“Yo  I never fucked Wayne never fucked Drake

On my life man fuck sake

If I did I’d Minaj with wid’ him and let ‘em eat my ass

like a cupcake

My man full he just ate. . .”

The social media went off the deep end about the Nazi shit but seemed to miss the lyrics as objectionable. But if Nicki’s life man doesn’t give a shit Tubularsock isn’t going to get work up over it! It did make Tubularsock sit back and wonder about “our” cultural priorities. But on the other-hand Drake rhymes well with sake and cupcake so all’s good.

Tubularsock figures people noticed how close our country is coming into it’s Nazi phase and have become alarmed. Yeah, right! But on the other-hand Nazi phase rhymes with USA so all’s good.

Now Tubularsock realizes that to transition into the second subject will seem like “A Tube Leap Forward” but trust Tubularsock here and we’ll end up in China.

And yes, as difficult as it may appear …….. there is a connection, or at least in Tubularsock’s mind. (scary isn’t it)

You know that Obummer and Putin are party’en down in China at the Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation forum. And hey, they spoke to each other for a good twenty minutes. You know there isn’t a lot to say about economic cooperation when Obummer is pushing economic sanctions against Putin.

HEY GUYS, THAT'S TUBULARSOCK'S iPAD.

HEY GUYS, THAT’S TUBULARSOCK’S iPAD.

But that is the boring part!

No the part of all of this China stuff that Tubularsock wants to bring to your attention is Putin hit’en on Peng Liyuan, China’s First Lady.

(L TO R) Putin, Tubularsock, Xi Jinping, Peng Liyuan.

(L TO R) Putin, Tubularsock, Xi Jinping, Peng Liyuan.

According to the Washington Times Putin presented Peng Liyuan a bouquet of flowers at a public event! There’s that Putin right out there with the hustle, right?

BUT LATER at the opening dinner for the APEC forum Putin was sitting next to Peng Liyuan and he got up and draped his coat over her shoulders because she was cold.

Or as the Washington Times put it:

With zero hesitation, Putin stood up, grasped his tan coat with both hands and draped it over the Chinese first lady’s delicate shoulders.

It was move that oozed smooth, though skirting dangerously close to flirtatious. (Cue jokes about Russian  aggressions.)

Peng, faced with the awkward prospect of sitting through dinner beside her husband with another man’s coat around her shoulders, handled it quickly.

After five seconds — long enough perhaps to show appreciation for the chivalry, short enough not to call attention to the awkwardness of it all — she stood up, discreetly handed Putin’s coat to an attendant and slipped on another jacket.

Now what struck Tubularsock about all this is that there was a time in our cultural history that a man who gave flowers to a woman or took it upon himself to drape a coat over the shoulders of a friend that was cold was considered to be chivalrous.

So you see how the times have changed and it may be considered “old-fashioned” but it does not mean that Putin was “hit’en” on her!

No hit’en on her in our modern culture today would require that Putin say loving words in her ear like,

This dude named Vlad used to ride motorcycles

Dick bigger than a tower,

I ain’t talking about Eiffel’s

Oh, and Tubularsock suspects he’d have to do that in Chinese:

这家伙名叫弗拉德用来骑摩托车

迪克 · 比塔

我不在谈论埃菲尔的

(Bing translation)

Oh well, Tubularsock is just going to have to get with it and get modern

…….. damn, where are those cupcakes?

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Tube heading garbage2014

 

 

From a series of informed sources who are not authorized to speak on this issue but have nothing else to do today in the bloated government bureaucracy has presented an outline of the influence of the new Secretary Of The Inferior on the Obama Administration.*

The Tubularsock News Team has also sent our stealth photographer into the mix and has documented photographic evidence of all the rumor and innuendo.

As we like to say at the Tubularsock News Team break-room, “If a picture is worth a thousand words then this story is worth ten thousand words!”

Rather than be accused of conflict of interest we have turned our investigative journalism over to the tabloid, The New York Toast.

NY Toast Cover

From the very beginning fear in the Administration was palpable. Could a “commoner” be able to bond with the elite?

Well, our inside sources all concurred that the new Secretary Of The Inferior fit like a hand in a glove.

Lunch

The new Secretary Of The Inferior was asked by the press how he felt to be at the left hand of The President of the United States and he clearly stated, “no, the steak tartare please”.

The more comfortable the Secretary Of The Inferior became the more cautious distrust  appeared within the West Wing. In fact, down right suspiciousness of his intentions were felt and cloaked in plutocratic innuendo.

This type of approach to an obvious “outsider” was lost on the Secretary who felt that they liked him. But he started to isolate himself in the President’s office.

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That suspicious attitude became more prevalent within the President himself.

Tube Obama family issues

However the Secretary Of The Inferior and Michelle became more ……..

Say ………… ahh, shall we say “friendly”?

Not being sure of the Secretary Of The Inferior’s intentions Obama started to take him with him whenever he traveled.

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Plane Wave

And then one day the President and the Secretary Of The Inferior were scheduled to fly to the Asian Conference in Kuala Lumpur.

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Tube in cockpit

Stolen

Obama left

Now in any Presidential Administration lots of stuff gets stolen. Paper clips, ball point pens, computers, ground-keeper tools, ballistic missiles, large sums of cash, larger sums of cash, cash of larger sums than that and one’s integrity.

The biggest surprise is that anyone noticed.

Immediately Congress formed two committees, one in the House and one in the Senate. Each committee member and staff took it upon themselves to fly to Kuala Lumpur to see where Air Force One should have landed if it hadn’t been stolen.

It was verified that there was NO, they repeated NO, Air Force One on any golf course in Kuala Lumpur.

Senator John McCain was unable to say, “The terrorist have been part of this Obama Administration for some time and the Ukrainian people need all ….. no, I mean Palestine has to be considered ….. no, I mean  …”

The CIA, NSA, DIA, NGA, NRO, AFISRA, MI, MCIA, ONI, OICI, I&A, CGI, FB/NSB, DEA/ONSI, INR, and the TFI were all called into service but many of them were out of the office so a message was left with their respective receptionists. **

All of these agencies work separately and together to conduct intelligence activities and are under the I.C. which is headed by the DNI, who reports to the President.**

The FBI, DOS, DSS, IRS-CID, TIGTA, USMP, DOD, DCIS, CID, OSI, NCIS, DOJ, ATF, USDI, USDA, DOC, HHS, DHS, USCG, FPS, CGPD, CBP, ICE, USSS, SPS,USCP, USPIS were also all put on the case. **

It appears that the USPIS (United States Postal Inspection Service) may have not been necessary however Senator Diane Feinstein insisted that it was not because her husband was well invested in post offices that the agency must play a role. It was because of “. . . her keen concern to protect every woman and child of this great land”.

As Senator Feinstein did not say, “That plane could have been easily packed up in a pre-postage-paid-priority-mail-express-package and shipped to the Russians for all we know!”

As a result over seventeen million dollars will be allocated to throughly inspect ALL the P.O.Boxes in every post office within the United States.

Representative Robert Fuckoff (R) Ohio demanded that for national security concerns he would pursue drafting a bill to create an inspection team to investigate all “general delivery” windows of every post office in the United States.

During an impromptu stop over at the employee’s break room at Postal Inspection, Inc. Rep. Fuckoff stated, “This twenty-seven million dollar allocation bill will ensure that inspections would be conducted on all “general delivery” locations. What better way is there to protect our citizens from terrorists who want to harm our home-land?” 

When the maimed-stream media asked about the rumor that his family was involved in Postal Inspection, Inc. Representative Fuckoff stated, “Those accusations have been made before!” 

……………………………………………

A Special Blue Ribbon Committee was appointed immediately if not sooner by the President to “investigate the disappearance of Air Force One and The Secretary Of The Inferior” and to report back to him. The President insisted that the Committee’s work would be totally transparent and would be held in secret for national security reasons.

The maimed-stream media didn’t pursue the definition of transparent assuming the President is a Constitutional Scholar and knew the definition better than they.

Congress announced that it will immediately take up the issue of funding the Special Blue Ribbon Committee as soon as they return from their inter-session break and before their fall break. This leaves “. . . a corridor of six full hours” stated Senator DipStick (D) from Louisiana. 

Conspiracy

First there were the sightings.

DairyQueed gang

(UPI) “They were ALL there”, said Jimmy Insano from DelRio, Texas. “Right out in front of the Dairy Queen! Elvis, bin Laden, Kennedy and the Secretary Of The Inferior!

“I didn’t see no plane or anything like that …… but I didn’t go in the Dairy Queen. Sure, it could have been in there.”

 The heat in DelRio at times reaches 135 degrees in the shade.

(The Sun, UK) “The chances of Air Force One being snatched from the sky by an alien space craft isn’t as far fetched as it may appear” says Jay Jay Johnson. “There have been sightings recently as far away as Denver”, he continued. “Space IS the final frontier, you know, and if and I’m saying IF, The Secretary Of The Inferior had been sent with a message to give to extraterrestrials, then why not?” Jay Jay Johnson concluded.

(New York Times) It was reported today that the Malaysian Government was asked by President Obama to assist in the tracking of the missing Air Force One. Critics say this new development has created perhaps a “hint” that the President isn’t sincere about finding the Secretary Of The Inferior.

President Obama’s new Press Secretary Josh Earnest, stated at todays news briefing that “. . . he was earnest that the President was earnest about the search for Air Force One as well as The Secretary Of The Inferior”.

This confused the White House Press Corp because they thought the President was not Earnest because Josh Earnest was Earnest. And Josh Earnest stated that he was earnest and the President was earnest as well. The White House Press Corp reiterated that Earnest was Earnest and Earnest was not Obama.

After forty-five minutes the Earnest – earnest conundrum was tabled until a later date.

(FOX News) Donald Rumsfeld was asked to comment on the incident and stated: “we know, there are known knowns; there are things that we know that we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don’t know we don’t know.”

And he continued, “The missing Secretary Of The Inferior is the ultimate in unknown unknowns, if you ask me.”

And of course, Dick Cheney was asked for comments on this new international mystery but was unable to make it to the interview because he had “left his heart in San Francisco” and hadn’t noticed until his flight was over Wisconsin. Which at that point had to turn his flight back to the West Coast.

 

 

 

Mystery

 

 

 

footnotes:

* To catch up with The Secretary Of The Inferior refer back to: blog post, NEW EMPLOYMENT, NEW ECONOMY.

** Those are all investigating agencies of the United States Government. Tubularsock doesn’t have time to make that much shit up!

All photographs may look like they have been altered in some way. They have NOT! However they are a different angle from the original photo.

Photography is in the eye of the beholder.

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PROPAGANDA BY ANY OTHER NAME IS TRUTH

There is so much bullshit around this Ukraine mis-adventure that it is starting to make “regular crap” look good!

Now I was talking to a highly educated friend of mine just the other day and he was asking why is it that Tubularsock “likes” Putin and didn’t Tubularsock realize that Russia was posing a threat to the Ukraine by concentrating troops along its boarders?

Well Tubularsock wasn’t surprised by this limited view because he keeps up with current news by reading Newsweek and Time Magazines. And he believes he’s “informed”!

Well sure, the guy has a stressful job and limited time to “keep up” with the world. What with all the different countries doing different things EVERY day and all.

Why not get it ALL your news under one fast-third-grade-level-read-umbrella?

Now, far be it for Tubularsock to go off on Newsweek and Time Magazines except to say that Tubularsock wouldn’t use either even as toilet paper. In part because I think one or both are only on line now and not in physical form any longer which causes a logistical problem as toilet paper. And the other reason is then what would I do with the New York Times?

Oh my, Tubularsock does digress!

Now there seems to be a bit of a disagreement between John Kerry’s view of the Ukraine and what is happening and RT’s (Russia Today News) view of the Ukraine and what is happening. No surprise there!

John (you remember him, right …. Secretary of State) called RT a “propaganda bullhorn” and it was pushing Putin’s “fantasy”. My, my.

Well according to DIPNOTE the U.S. Department of State “Official Blog” posted by Richard Stengel : that Kerry’s remarks resulted in “. . . a predictable howl of protest from RT’s editor, who claimed the State Department knows little about what is really happening in Ukraine today and had the audacity to request an apology.”

Now Richard Stengel continued with, “I spent seven years as the managing editor of TIME magazine [now that’s clear] before joining the State Department. I understand the difference between news, propaganda and opinion. Propaganda is the deliberate dissemination of information that you know to be false or misleading in order to influence an audience.”

Well Richard seems, to Tubularsock, to be the one who is propagating “falsehoods” when it comes to the Ukraine and if Kerry doesn’t really know what RT is pointing out then he is truly an idiot!

Let Tubularsock just lead you through a few of the things RT has brought to the attention of the world and how Richard Stengel and John Kerry seem to be the ones who are “misleading” and attempting to twist the information.

Last week it was claimed by RT that the United States had “invested” $5 Billion in regime change in the Ukraine. Richard Stengel says that that is a “ludicrous assertion”.

Yet it was Assistant Secretary of State for European Affairs Victoria Nuland who told a business group on December 13, 2013 that “. . . we have invested more than $5 billion in what was needed for Ukraine to achieve its European aspirations.”

In addition remember the intercepted, phone call where Victoria Nuland said her choice was to replace Yanukovych was Arseniy Yatsenyuk. The call was to U.S. Ambassador to Ukraine Geoffrey Pyatt. 

Arseniy Yatsenyuk ended up as Prime Minister after the coup. Which shows collusion by the United States with the U.S. and European banking interests. 

But not a word about that from Kerry or Stengel. They act like it was a natural “democratic” process. Like the CIA involvement in the process was akin to boys scouts helping a little old lady across the street. 

Nor does Kerry or Stengel take on the issue of the dominance of Neo-Nazis in the new created Ukrainian Government as exposed by RT.

Now in Eastern Ukraine there was the incident cited by Kerry at the Geneva Conference that had been called to reduce tensions in Ukraine. Kerry said that, “Just in the last couple of days, notices were sent to Jews in one city indicating that they had to identify themselves as Jews. And obviously, the accompanying threat implied is – or threatened – or suffer the consequences, one way or the other.”

But a few day before Kerry’s speech that bit of information had been found to be the work of pro-coup operators NOT the pro-Russian Ukraine supporters.

Yet Kerry sited the information any way as if it were true. And he has the nerve to call RT a “propaganda bullhorn”?

It appears that what RT exposes The State Department just doesn’t discuss and thereby claims that it is RT that is doing the PROPAGANDA!

There is also the total lack of any discussion in the maimed-stream-media in the U.S. of the breaking of the deal made with Russia that NATO would not push for an eastward expansion which is why Ukraine has been overthrown by the U.S. and NATO backed cronies. It is NATO and the U.S. that has broken the agreed understanding with Russia not some aggressive move by the Russians!

The Russian move is a response. They, in this case, are not the aggressor!

Well the beat goes on. And the “free press” in the U.S. are so busy licking the asses of the government just like they did over Iraq that they have become again the government’s mouth piece.

Few in the maimed-stream-media do any investigation of ANYTHING with the exception of the detailed pictures of Kim Kardashian’s last bikini photo shoot!

Where RT, Al-Jazeera and CCTV (the new English-language programming set up by China) all give a more honest view of the Ukrainian mess than any press in the U.S.

Now this isn’t to say that one doesn’t have to be awake to bias from these news organization. But, if you try to broaden your news reading you will be able to find a broader world view than just “American Exceptionalism”. 

It was just a couple of years ago that Hillary Clinton was saying that the U.S. was “. . . “losing the information war”. And just couldn’t figure out why.

Well, let Tubularsock let you in on a little secret that he has discovered and that is that more and more of the American people are just sick and tired of “. . . the U.S. corporate media’s regurgitation of the manifold and manifestly deceitful justifications for U.S. actions abroad” as Ray McGovern (former CIA intelligence – Soviet Foreign Policy Branch) so clearly stated.

As for Tubularsock siding with Putin. Not so but I do like his coat!

Tube&Vlad

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Tube Heading Ukraine

Well, here Tubularsock goes again. There seems to be some confusion with this entire Ukrainian thing. So lets put it this way.

Lets say Russia got some money together and started to influence Mexico.

And using that Russian money a group of disgruntled Mexicans and some hired “friends of Mexico” helped to overthrow the democratically elected government of Mexico.

And then lets say the Russian Government picked the new leader of the NEW government and using its influence helped to choose the cabinet of the new government.

And then this “NEW” leader of Mexico was invited to Moscow to pal around with Putin.

And then Russian banks loaned money to stabilize the Mexican economy putting Mexico heavily in interest debt to Russian banks.

And then Russian corporations moved into Mexico to “privatize” Mexico’s natural resources and move the profits out of Mexico.

And then Russia thought it may be a good idea to build a missile defense system along the U.S. – Mexican boarder so as to protect Mexico from . . . . oh, Tubularsock doesn’t know, say Canada.

What would be the response from the United States?xplow copy

So as you read the American press about this issue reflect upon Tubularsock’s little story above and it might open your eyes to the SLANT coming at you. It is good to keep in mind that the maimed stream media is there to keep you propagandized NOT INFORMED.

And of course there is fucking Dick Cheney ……… When in the fuck is the press going to stop asking Dick Cheney about ANYTHING?Cheney evil

But, oh no, there he was on FACE THE NATION! The only time Tubularsock wants to see Dick Cheney face the nation is at his FIRING SQUAD for war crimes!

And the first thing out of his mouth was, “I worry when we begin to address the crisis, the first thing we do is take options off the table.”

And the key option according to Dick is “. . . saying ‘no military”.

Please, oh please …….. one favor for Tubularsock …… whoever donated that new heart to Dick ……. take it back, NOW!

And then like the shit always rises to the top of the tank, Condoleezza Rice gives her precious opinion in the Washington Post.

The woman who gave the ok for the CIA to torture people is someone you are going to believe let alone have any respect?

Condi jest

But there she was and if you dig real bull-shit read it but the part that Tubularsock loved the best is Condi’s statement, “Authorizing the Keystone XL pipeline and championing natural gas exports would signal that we intend to . . .” challenge Russia’s oil prices and lower their sales to affect the Kremlin’s budget.

Wow, so the XL propaganda of lowering gas prices in the U.S. is really what it is …….. propaganda! The XL pipeline IS FOR EXPORT OIL ONLY and if and when Russia would be affected is one of those “pipe-dreams”!

She babbles on and on but like Dick, Condi wants to deploy missile defense, announce air defense exercises with the Baltic states and move a U.S. destroyer to the Black Sea to BOLSTER OUR POSITION.

Maybe Condi didn’t get the memo that we started the whole thing.

Somehow if the United States pokes you in the eye with a stick it is somehow different than if Russia pokes you in the eye with a stick. The part that is always not noticed in the minds of Dick and Condi and their ilk is the result of the guy that gets the stick in his eye. That is NOT their concern because the U.S. ONLY sticks you in the eye for GOOD, JUST, and NOBEL reasons ……. unlike those Russians.

                                                                                                                                ANY QUESTIONS?

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Ahhh, Oh John. Excuses’ me John!

Once again, Tubularsock is getting confused. You mean to tell Tubularsock, John ….. that a country just can’t go into another country with a preemptive strike?

Damn! Tubularsock was just warming up to that entire concept and now it’s called “an incredible act of aggression”?

Wow, maybe Tubularsock was correct in his “Old-Think”. When an-attack-on-a-sovereign-nation was considered WRONG!

Oh well. These are modern times ……… it is just so difficult to keep up with all the definitions.

“Fearing that Europe’s borders were being rewritten by force, world leaders rushed to find a diplomatic solution to reverse what had already happened on the ground: Russia captured the Black Sea peninsula (Crimea) on Saturday without firing a shot.” (AP)

Maybe that’s the problem ……… “without firing a shot” …….. 

When we hit Baghdad we “shocked and awed them” and the Russian took Crimea without firing a shot …….. what the fuck is wrong with the Russians! There is a certain protocol when one preemptive strikes. Damn Russians!

And Obomber talked with Putin for 90 minutes and told him of his “DEEP CONCERN” over, “Russia’s clear violation of Ukrainian sovereignty.”

And the best part is Obomber’s warning that Russia’s “. . . continued violation of international law will lead to greater political and economic isolation.”

Ahhh, international law?

Oh, we are respecting international law again?

Bring the drones home?

Wow, things are improving after-all.

And what is this bull shit that the Associated Press story intimated? “Fearing that Europe’s borders were being rewritten by force” now what in the fuck is that about …….

Some kind of AP dream world? Borders HAVE ALWAYS been drawn by fat-old-white-men who have no knowledge about what they are cutting and slicing up except their self or nationalist interests! WTF? Just look at Africa or Asia for your examples.

OH PLEASE, Tubularsock is sorry to break this to you but BORDERS ARE ARBITARILY made up, PERIOD!

So the U.S. is jumping up and down about Russian activity in the Ukraine and the way Russia is stifling democracy but who has caused all this unrest?

Well, come to find out that western NGO’s with the backing of the U.S. Government are involved in what they call regime change in the Ukraine. You know, bringing “democracy” to the people along with American capitalism and American influence.

So who is causing Ukrainian unrest? The United States ……… such the surprise. 

And guess who is offering up economic assistance “of a major sort” to Ukraine? Well John Kerry says ……… the United States. Now aren’t we grand!

Kerry was all over Sunday interview programing. Enough that Tubularsock would have been looking for ANY football game to watch if he had a TV. And Tubularsock hates fucking football!

Kerry was on CBS’ “Face the Nation,” NBC’s “Meet the Press” and ABC’s “This Week.”

Yes, all maimed stream press outlets to be sure ……..

But Tubularsock finds hope in all this. It gives all those dumb fucks in the think tanks new room to regurgitate all that Cold War shit they know so well. 

You know, bolster the missile defense systems, potential U.S. budget cuts to Army units based in Germany also could be slowed, to prevent a catastrophic erosion of stability and democracy from creeping across Europe and the White House may have to abandon the policy shift to Asia — its attempt to boost America’s military, diplomatic and economic presence there — to refocus on Russia’s threat.

The Russians move to protect THEIR interests and all of a sudden this means “a catastrophic erosion of stability and democracy creeping across Europe” who is kidding who? 

Yet, Tubularsock isn’t scared ……… I’m going to go out and buy Pussy Riot’s new album. That way I’ll be ready for the Russian take-over!

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