Archive for the ‘MELANIA TRUMP’ Category

THE MISSIONARY POSITION

 

Tubularsock was sittin’ around looking over the sophisticated political system of the United States and just wondered how one would teach 8th grade civics in today’s environment.

Well Tubularsock would work out a simple lesson plan for the students to understand how their political system works.

So first throw out all that bull shit about the “three branches of government” and get right down to the facts and Tubularsock can guarantee that Tubularsock’s class would be on the edge of their seats.

Name any 8th grade civics instructor who could EVER say that?

Tubularsock would first introduce Stormy Daniels and the Porn Star Party and their influence on the entire Executive Branch.

For example the “Vice” President’s job is to, well, explain “VICE”. And explaining that the current President of the United States liked to be SPANKED with a copy of Fortune 500 Magazine is just the beginning. And specifically a Fortune 500 Magazine with a picture of himself, his son and his daughter on the cover. (Hello, is Sigmund Freud in?)

The President of the United States likes to grab a woman’s pussy because women will let him because he’s IMPORTANT. (Oh, Sigmund. Thanks for taking Tubularsock’s call.)

And the President even compared Stormy to his daughter Ivanka. (Well, Sigmund this may take longer than that.)

Now you know how it goes. At least one student would raise their hand with a question.

But in this case they’d be a roomful of hands in the air and thus Tubularsock can guarantee that the students would have a difficult time splitting themselves between texting and paying FULL attention to Tubularsock’s lesson in progress.

At this point, Tubularsock would introduce the concept of the Constitutional position of Church and State. And of course Tubularsock would explain the “missionary position” to his students which according to what Stormy Daniels said, “The sex? “Nothing crazy. It was one position, what you would expect someone his age to do.”

So now that Tubularsock has summarized the President’s roll-in-the-hay so to speak Tubularsock will move on to Bible Thumpen’ Pence.

Sure, he is a right wing Christian which naturally breeds hypocrisy. That is what they have always represented. It is part of their belief system.

And Pence is perfect because he can’t even let himself have dinner alone IN A RESTAURANT with another woman, other than his wife, for fear of his “manliness” overtaking him and fucking her over his hot potato and hash! (at least in his sick little mind)

 

And “Mother”as he calls his wife (and this too, Sigmund) may even spank him with the Bible when he’s a naughty little fucker. And far be it for Tubularsock to know those details but according to officials who spoke on condition of anonymity in order to discuss internal protocol there are things we know and then there are things we don’t know and then there are things we know we don’t know.

THAT is one of THOSE things!

Well, just as it was getting to a natural climax the bell rings and just like Pavlov Dogs the well “trained” students march out of the room to their next class.

Education has always been about “training” stupid!

Learning,  you have to do on your own!

 

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PRESENT AT THE CREATION

Tubularsock was sitting in his Corner Office In His Underground Bunker Overlooking Washington, D.C. from Oakland, CA. (see BUNKER TOUR for background) and pondering the absurd world we find ourselves.

But hey, what in the fuck would you expect if in each last election you had to vote for the “lessor of the two evils”!

 

 

It is just logical that in time you’d have to reach the bottom of the barrel, RIGHT?

And the real scary thing is that Orange Fuck and his deranged offspring and his third plastic wife may not be at the bottom.

Think about it! Makes WW3 look better already, doesn’t it!

 

 

So is there a way out?

So kick back and think of your options.

Sure Tubularsock has some options to suggest.

And remember these are only for fun, not real change.

 

 

First: We grab Pussy-Whipped-Session’s and give him a marijuana suppository to loosen up his dysfunctional brain and bring him into the 21st century!

Second: We remove the Christian Cross turned sideways from Pence’s ass to relieve the pressure on his brain as he waits for the second coming.

And Third ……. oh hell you come up with one! After all isn’t that what democracy is all about?

 

 

 

 

 

a functioning america?: dumb, dumber, dumbest . . .

OH COME ON …… IS THIS REALLY TRUE?

When Tubularsock saw this, immediately doubt was the reaction.

Now, it is not that Tubularsock has any doubt what-so-ever that Donnie can’t tie his own shoes but Tubularsock had to do some research about this Newsweek article. First Tubularsock hates Newsweek and doesn’t trust much of what they say but also because of the stupidity of ALL of the Trumps’ and inability to tie their own shoes was a little too much.

Hell, Melania and Ivanka wear slip-on for Christ sake!

But alas, life is stranger than fiction.

It has been disclosed by the New York City Board of Elections that due to the lack of a 3rd grade level of intelligence the Trumps couldn’t vote for the Mayor of New York because………….

Donnie while filling in his absentee ballot put down the WRONG DATE FOR HIS OWN BIRTHDAY! You know, how June and July look alike, right?

Melania wrote in under “county”, USA rather than New York and then proceeded to NOT SIGN the inner envelope as instructed to do for mail-in absentee ballots.

She is one of those immigrants that climbed the wall so at least it is somewhat understandable.

Ivanka filled out her ballot properly but didn’t mail it in on time.

And Jared, not being a “real-Trump” didn’t vote at all.

Now don’t let it bother you that:

Sure the beat goes on.

SPEAKING OF VOTING.

You have seen that Doug Jones won the Alabama Senate seat from the pedophile Moore who got less of the votes.

Moore who got less wants a recount.

But Alabama’s Secretary of State John Merrill has stated that Moore with less could have a recount if he paid for it.

But here is Tubularsock’s question:

Just how will the recount be counted?

Tubularsock assumes that the Alabama Supreme Court ruled that way because they thought the vote would be close and it would be Doug Jones wanting the recount.

Maybe that old good-ol’-boy system is going to take a hit!

 

Before the election Mitch McConnell suggested that PedoMoore should step down from running and head back to the mall and chase 14 year old virgins full time (or something like that) but then the Pussy-Grabbing-President-Dump put his full support behind Moore and then Mitch switched! (this all sounds a little gay to Tubularsock ….. just sayin’)

Mitch suggested that “IT WAS UP TO ALABAMANS TO CHOOSE THEIR SENATOR TO REPRESENT THEM IN THE U.S SENATE”!

But wouldn’t you know. Now that Alabamans have chosen their Senator to represent them, Mitch McConnell now is attempting to NOT ALLOW Doug Jones into the Senate to REPRESENT THE PEOPLE OF ALABAMA until after the tax robbery bill is voted on.

It’s called democracy.

PENIS WAVING: AMERICA’S PASTIME!

Tubularsock has been scraping around in the gutter of American sexual predators not because many men in power and many men with no power can be found there but more importantly ……. WHAT IS NEW?

This entire avalanche of the sexual predator exposé is pretty sick and sad. But it has answered three questions for Tubularsock about America.

First and foremost is a question that Tubularsock has asked himself many times.

Why is it that with 365 days a year and 24 hours in each of those days and a staff of three aides or more can’t a Senator or Representative READ THE BILLS he/she signs into law?

Case in point: The new TAX OVERHAUL bill is over 500 “government pages” long. “Government Pages” is a code phrase Tubularsock uses and it means 2/3rds of those pages are fluff-bull-shit and 1/3rd of those pages are refined bull shit.

To read those pages BEFORE you sign the bill, you’d think, would be the job of a Senator or Representative, RIGHT?

Well no. It appears that one’s reading time is reduced by 85% if the Senator’s or Representative’s entire concentration is focused on master-bating on their secretary’s desk in front of her or grabbing her tit!

See how quickly priorities change under these Congressional circumstances?

SO NOW TUBULARSOCK UNDERSTANDS WHY OUR LAWMAKERS ARE NOT DOING THEIR JOB WE ELECTED THEM TO DO!

And the ones that aren’t doing the “doing” are gossiping about it and with everyone knowing, where is this outrage and surprise coming from anyway?

And then add to it THE PUBLIC already knows as well. So why this outrage? We have ALWAYS known.

 

The second question answered for Tubularsock is why in general do European films have so much more depth than American films. And the reason is that European films depict actual human relations while American films tend to express the fantasy of the constant hard-on and then the constant “explosions” as the sign of “manhood” and hero worship.

The Hollywood directors, actors, and producers start to believe their own hype from these shallow movies and believe THEY ARE THE MANHOOD HERO. Fantasy gone mad.

And then the third question answered.

This is no surprise at all really but just substantiates Tubularsock’s suspicion.
The TV anchor. What an empty job to sit through day after day after day, spewing master bated endless bull shit written by others that you repeat with “honesty” and “warmth” calling yourself a journalist!

Talking about a reason to look for something to do “for real”!

Even if you start out with some integrity it isn’t long before when the little red light goes off you’ll repeat whatever they put on the teleprompter. Even if you know it is lies.

When you sell your soul why not “grab some pussy on the side”!

After all, the President of the United States swears by it even if the First Pussy won’t hold his hand!

FOR FURTHER READING MAY TUBULARSOCK SUGGEST:

1.Tubularsock’s Guide To Sexual Harassment “a hands on guide to hands off, the do’s and don’t s”.

2. Tubularsock’s New York Bestseller, Getting Close To The Children, “the priest’s guide to fondling the flock.”

3. And don’t miss, Fucking Around The Mall co-written by Tubularsock and Want Moore.

And then it is advised that you take The Tubularsock Workshop on Old Enough To Bleed, Old Enough To Slaughter an Alabama Evangelical Christian teaching of NOT sparing “the rod” with 14 year old girls, amen.

 

THE PUERTO RICAN SHUFFLE!

Well you can’t beat Trump out Trumping Trump in his goal of being the dumbest retard that has entered into the White House of the United States of America. And Tubularsock isn’t interested in giving those that are dealing with retardation a bad name. And in today’s “correct speak” Tubularsock figures “mentally challenged” has replaced retardation as a more understanding and sensitive term.

EXCEPT NOT when Tubularsock can spot a fucking moronic-retard at thirty paces! And Donald Trump IS AT THE TOP of that definition.

Tubularsock was a bit concerned when the almost catastrophe in Las Vegas didn’t warrant a special golf trophy but after all, it wasn’t a Katrina.

It’s all in who gets killed. But Dumb-Fuck-Lump sent out HIS WARMEST CONDOLENCES to those in Las Vegas which only means a temperature of 30-below. But hey, it’s the best he can do! Explains why Melania won’t hold his hand doesn’t it.

And Congress is sending out their prayers to all of the dead and are getting ready to pass a law to RELAX LAWS ON SILENCERS! And that is because Stephen Paddock, the Las Vegas gunman might have gotten a hearing loss if he hadn’t got himself dead first!

No really, this new law Congress, is wanting to pass, “The Hearing Protection Act”, is to relax laws on silencers so as to protect gun uses from hearing loss. And if Paddock had had the advantage of silencers his success rate at killing would have reach Katrina standards and THAT WOULD CONSTITUTE A CATASTROPHE!

So don’t you worry about any of this! “Sadly, violence will always be part of our lives,” is Sen. Ted Cruz’s take on all this. So Tubularsock has sent Ted an invitation to a Texan Country Western Concert. Tubularsock asked him to wear red.

 

And “People are going to have to take steps in their own lives to take precautions to protect themselves,” the South Dakota Senator John Thune offered up as a solution. Tubularsock invited John and his family to the South Dakota state fair. You know all that wide open space.

 

Oh, and then you have Mitch McConnell from Kentucky who is the Senate Majority Leader with his pearls of wisdom: “I think it’s particularly inappropriate to politicize an event like this, it just happened in the last day-and-a-half. It’s entirely premature to be discussing legislative solutions, if any.” Yep, Tubularsock understands, Mitch, hell the bodies are still warm. Can’t think about machine gun hunting rifles and huge magazines until ahh ……..

So Mitch, agreed to go out hunting with Dick Cheney. Glad that’s settled!

 

And finally, to get real American Main Stream, what is with this hat Melania was wearing when she got off the plane in Puerto Rico?

NO, one has to wonder just how low this country can go. You know like the limbo from Trinidad except in the United States it’s known as the lobotomy and it has worked on the population well enough to elect Orange-Tweet and his plastic family!

 

 

 

 

 

SCARAMUCCI THE DOUCHE, FLUSHED!

The humor train is still racing down the tracks in Tweet’s White House. Removing Anthony Scaramucci, the ultimate douche-bag, because of his erratic speech patterns such as using “cock blocking” as a government tactic was so shocking EVEN to the pussy grabbing Commander of Sleaze!

“The president certainly felt that Anthony’s comments were inappropriate for a person in that position,” stated Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the White House press secretary.

Hot damn, that is got to be one of the most hypocritical statements so far in this administration. How funny can it get.

The crime is Anthony out Trumped Trump! THAT gets you fucking fired, dude!

Melania Trump and Ivanka were “disgusted” and “offended” by Scaramucci’s expletive-laden interview with the New Yorker Magazine. You know, being both plastic filled women and used to pussy grabbing just finds cock blocking something they have to do every time Orange-Tweet comes near them!

Melania even has gone as far as not even wanting to hold the hand that touches that part of Orange Tweets body. Now that shows good judgement!

 

But there will be more, so stay tuned for ************** the downfall of John Kelly as he ****************

“ENDS THE WHITE HOUSE CHAOS” episode 13.

See the Commander of Chaos chained to his chair just out of reach of the “tweet-machine”. It is called RADICAL INTERVENTION!

Oh, has anyone noticed that the Pentagon is setting up to hit North Korea? Hell folks, it is literally a tweet away form coming to pass. But look over here, as Garfunkel and Oates sings,  “This Party Took a Turn for the Douche”!

 

YOU ARE THAT.

Have you ever noticed that few people are seldom satisfied with their lives.

If they don’t have a loving relationship they want one.
If they do have a loving relationship then it is more difficult than they expected.

If they don’t have a great job then they want one.
If they do have a job great then it would be better if work started at 10.

If they don’t have children they want some.
If they do have children then they DON’T want them. With a caveat that it is really great but …… or only if ……..

If they don’t have good health then they wish that they had it.
If they do have good health then they never get to use their health insurance but have to pay for it!

And on and on and on ………….

WHY IS THAT?

Well finally ……. the question has been asked. For the eleven millionth time.

And because Tubularsock has a degree (about 90 Fahrenheit) Tubularsock is hot!

The answer is very simple:

We have been taught to look in the wrong direction.

Look IN not out.

YOU ALREADY HAVE EVERYTHING! PERIOD!

But what is the first question you get asked as a child?
What are you going to BE when you grow up?

“BE?” YOU ARE ALREADY THAT! And you know what they do to you if you think you are two people, right?

So the job is to reverse “thinking” because you have been programmed incorrectly.

The fun part for Tubularsock is all the “logic and argument” that is always brought up about all of this ………. doesn’t matter.

YOU ARE THAT. Everything else is just false programming.

You ARE the force, that is why it’s with you.

Well now that that is settled Tubularsock and Yoda can sit down for their second bowl of Afghani Hash.

Hell, it just goes to show you that the CIA is good for something!