Archive for the ‘Stuxnet’ Category

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Breaking News …….. CornWhelm, GB

A Tube-Circle was reported early this morning according to the Greater-lessor CornWhelm Independent Gazette.

A known source that was not authorized to discuss this field phenomena stated on site of this remarkable Tube-Circle, “That is TERRIFYING!!!! TERRIFYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”.

The local people were in awe of this new development in the Crop-Circle experience.

“I’ze seen not’en lik this before”, James Cornwell who lives in South CornWhelm stated, “Th’m Crop-Circle is ok’d but THIS has gone too fer.”

Tee shirts and Kettle-Corn venders were taking advantage of the up-tic in living rubber-neckers that caused traffic-havoc on Dirt Road 7.

This is a breaking story. And Tubularsock News and Notary Services will repair it as it breaks.

Over-looking official reports …… President Obummer said, “The North Koreans hackless community is responsible for this Tube-Circle. Using their one computer they directed a laser beam from space and burned this Tube-Circle into existence.”

Many members of Congress have formed a bipartisan committee to meet  to discuss forming a committee on Tube-Circles. Even though there has only been one.

Several members of Congress were amazed to find that Great Britain was not part of the United States and that they had no jurisdiction in that area.

Immediately Congress formed a bipartisan committee to meet to discuss forming a committee on “humanitarianly” bombing Great Britain into submission.

If you are holding your breath for more of this breaking news …….. you are going to die!

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More War Tube

 

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TUBE ON DIPLOMACY

 

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Tubularsock is not surprised nor will you be so get a cup of coffee, tea, bourbon, scotch,  sake, a bowl of Afghan hash ……….. whatever it takes to settle in and read what you already know and be amazed once again at the shear stupidity and narrow-mindedness of presumably intelligent individuals. Basically there is dumb and dumber. This can hold it’s head up high in the pantheon-of-dumbolgy to the level of dumbest!

Let Tubularsock start at the simplest level and progress up the ladder of understanding.

THIS IS SCIENCE!

Take a thimble full of black ink and dump it into a glass of water.

Take a stone and toss it into a pond.

And the results, please ………….

The glass of water is now black and the pond has concentric circles moving away from the spot where the stone entered the water.

Another example of the phenomenon about to be discussed is found in this true-life-experience. Tubularsock likes to run and every once in a while he takes BART (a rapid transit system) from Oakland to San Francisco. He exits at the Embarcadero Station which puts him at the foot of Market Street and he walks a short distance to the famous SF Ferry Building.

The Ferry Building is the starting point of the run which proceeds along the Embarcadero across the Golden Gate Bridge down into Sausalito. A little city north of SF. It’s a nice 12 mile run. Then Tubularsock hops on a ferry and returns to the Ferry Building and then back to his top floor corner office in his underground bunker overlooking Washington, D.C. in Oakland, CA.

Well more than once while running across the Golden Gate Bridge which more often than not has a strong wind blowing I’ve encountered a cigarette smoker exhaling their smoke. And even with a strong wind and a HUGE amount of air space the smell of that smoke is present.

So, let’s review: Ink, ripples, smoke.

Now like terrorism we are all supposed to be scared of HACKERS and CYBER-ATTACKS! Sure we are ……..

So like always if you follow terrorism, hackers, and cyber-attacks down to their fundamentals ONE ALWAYS (THAT’S ALWAYS) finds the United States Government creating, promoting, and actively engaged is these activities. IT’S WHAT WE DO.

Another FEAR we are all programed to have is IRAN GETTING A NUCLEAR BOMB!

And you know the reasons ……… they’re Middle Eastern Crazies and oh my god if they had THE bomb then they may use it.

“Crazies”? The only country in the history of the world that has EVER dropped a nuclear bomb on people is the United States of America. And we dropped TWO! On civilians!

So much for CRAZIES.

Well in order to screw up Iran from developing nuclear weapons the U.S. along with Israel (who happens to be crazier than bat shit) created a computer virus to fuck up Iran’s nuclear enrichment machinery. This virus is called “Stuxnet”.

Fun side note: Just in case you may have forgotten Iran received nuclear machinery for the development of their nuclear reactor from Halliburton while Dick Cheney was CEO even though it was against United States law to trade nuclear products or information with Iran at that time. Never say one person can’t make a difference!

Well, just like any good Laurel and Hardy movie Stuxnet not only infected Iran’s nuclear facility but this malware has spread outside of Iran to Russia and has even infected machines on the International Space Station, according to Eugene Kaspersky, a Russian specialist in the information security field.

Now how fun is that?

But it even gets better. Last November, U.S. oil giant Chevron also revealed that Stuxnet ran loose beyond its intended targets in 2010 and infected its network. At the time, a Chevron spokeswoman claimed that the company was not negatively impacted by the cyber attack. According to SC Magazine, a security magazine for professionals.

And according to Sean Sullivan, a security analyst for F-Secure, “It didn’t spread via the internet. It spread outside of its target due to a bug and so it started traveling via USB. Given the community targeted, I would not be surprised if other countries had nuclear plants with infected PCs”.

Stuxnet is traveling by those little portable USB gadgets which seem to bypass the traditional defenses used by computer security.

This is the perfect example of the art of unintended consequences and as Kaspersky stated in a Q&A at the Australia’s National Press Club last week, “Everything you do is a boomerang . . .”

So you see, Stuxnet is the ink poured into the water which has become the concentric cycles continuing to spread in a very large pond.

But before Tubularsock can wrap up his Nuke discussion this little bit of information will heighten your awareness of just how far the U.S. has fallen from the rotting nuclear tree.

Now you all know Major General Michael Carey, right?

No?

You should be glad Tubularsock is in your life!

Major General Michael Carey WAS commander of 20th Air Force, in charge of the Air Force’s fleet of 450 Minuteman 3 nuclear missiles.

Carey was removed from his duty for unspecified personal misbehavior that other officials said was related to alcohol use.

Fun side note: If “A”  follows “B” and “A” is misbehavior related to alcohol then “B” MUST BE  SEX! Well, NO the misbehavior IS NOT sexual misconduct nor is it related to operational readiness.  So just what kind of “misbehavior” that is alcohol related would result in a guy with 35 years of commendable service be fired? Stay-tuned.

Now don’t worry …….. you know he had a couple of beers just once and ………..

The Air Force has stated that future candidates for nuclear commander positions WILL NOW BE more carefully screened! (will now be?)

Wait for it ………. including the addition of an Internet search of the person’s name that could turn up any damaging information.

Wow, with a sigh of relief, you and Tubularsock can feel more secure that the guy who is the commander of the Air Force’s fleet of 450 Minuteman 3 nuclear missiles has been given the ALL CLEAR by Google!

But hold everything. Carey was shifted to an unspecified job at Air Force Space Command, which has no responsibility for nuclear weapons but will most likely get the Stuxnet virus because with the International Space Station infected, well we’re all one!

“Carey was fired two days after the sacking of a senior Navy (Vice) admiral (Tim Giardina) who was second-in-command at U.S. Strategic Command, which is the military’s nuclear war-fighting organization.

Their removal came amid a series of disclosures by The Associated Press about security and leadership lapses, training problems, and an assertion by one mid-level nuclear officer that he had found ‘rot’ inside his nuclear missile unit at Minot Air Force Base, N.D.” (Robert Burns, AP)

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Fun side note: Vice Admiral Tim Giardina was removed from duty because of ……… of all things, vice! He was caught by the police using fake porker chips at the Horseshoe Casino in Council Bluffs, Iowa . You have got to admit …. that’s funny!

However because of this ……….. candidates for these positions will now be reviewed for BOTH  physical and mental health issues! (will now be?)

So. With the Stuxnet virus running wild, the Navy admirals and Air Force generals running wild, “rot in the missiles” becomes the allegory for the entire set of events.

Now, all that is left is for Tubularsock to explain the smoke contamination on the Golden Gate Bridge.

You see in any good film somebody gets screwed and in the nuclear afterglow of Stuxnet, admirals, and generals they always light up a cigarette and ask, “was it as good for you as it was for me”?

Well trust Tubularsock on this ………  this affects all of us because we all are contaminated by the same “smoke” and it will be us being screwed AND THAT’S NOT GOOD!

And some of you doubted “American Exceptionalism”!

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