Posted: January 3, 2014 in General Keith Alexander, James Clapper, LOVEINT, NSA, Obama, Rose Garden
Tags: , , ,

Tube oh shoot


Many don’t realize just how influential Tubularsock actually happens to be in Washington, D.C.

At the current Wader’s Conference 2014 at the White House Tubularsock was lecturing the First Lady Michelle Obama on just how her current husband, the President of the United States has completely lost the ability to recognize BULL SHIT. Both his own which he is obliviously stepping in all the time and that of the Director of the NSA, General Keith Alexander and the that of the Director of National Intelligence, James Clapper.

 As both Alexander’s and Clapper’s wives have been reported as saying, as reported by a staff member who was not authorized to speak on bull shit, “Our husbands spit out more BULL SHIT from their mouths on any given day than a bull with diarrhea.”

Wow. Now just how can Tubularsock get such information from their wives ….. hey just trust Tube! I only collect Metadata. No really!

So President Obama still insists that NASA’s collecting every phone call, email, tweet, and everything else on every America is only done to protect us all from the massive terrorist threat that is US!

And this information collected will ONLY be used to stop the terrorist except for the twelve known incidents called LOVEINT a flippant term used to describe NSA analysts who misused their surveillance powers to spy on romantic interests instead of terrorists.

 But hey, NSA is only collecting metadata right?

Well some NSA analysts were busy focusing on a little more than meta! One analyst was spying on nine women over five years, a woman analyst was spying on prospective boyfriends, another analyst was checking on whether his girlfriend was “involved with any government officials”, and another woman analyst was spying on her husband to see if he was cheating on her. Do you get the picture? Tubularsock just doesn’t have time to make this shit up!

Metadata my ass!

A favorite photo Tubularsock took as he and Michelle and the President landed in the Rose Garden this weekend.

obama bull shit

Screen Shot 2012-07-21 at 11.55.56 PM

  1. How shocking to learn that NSA analysts are spying on spouses and prospective paramours. I thought NSA only spied on the sexual encounters of Senators, congresspersons, cabinet members, and ambassadors for the purpose of blackmailing them. How could I be so naive?


  2. Well, since you have such great credentials, will you please tell the NSA to let all the pervs out there know that I am NOT a homeless cock sucking hooker? I am inundated with that shit and you wonder why I am not all calm, cool and collected? If you were getting the propositions that I am getting, you’d have your boxers or briefs in a bunch, BELIEVE me!

    My god! You were knee deep in BULLSHIT!, literally! You do have a knack for showing up in the damndest of all places.

    I had heard about the NSA workers misusing their ‘powers of ‘snooping’. So just who is holding the ‘snoops’ accountable, when they snoop for their own personal reasons? I feel SO safe and protected from those nasty, imaginary foreign terrorists! I really do! Thank you so much NoSeAss!

    Another hit with this one Tube! You’re on a roll!


    • tubularsock says:

      Thanks Shelby. It is difficult keeping up with your output however.

      Held Accountable? sure …….

      It is true that Tubularsock does appear in some interesting places. He’s very popular in Washington, D.C. you know. I do love the Rose Garden. Michelle and I are spending more time together in the organic garden as well.

      Wow, are you saying that you are NOT a homeless cock sucking hooker? Damn! I’ll change that on the Bio of the PR press release. My bad.
      Thanks for your comment and I guess I should start wearing underwear so I can bunch it up. Sounds uncomfortable!


  3. Well now I’m really getting worried. I’m not sure crocs makes waders, and I don’t seem to enjoy being knee-deep in manure, or shit either.

    Sigh. Guess I need to find different footwear anyway. Think I just read that some damned hedge fund bought a big stake in crocs. Hell, at this rate, I’ll not only be stomping my own grapes before long, but also hand-knitting my shoes.

    Nice light-hearted posts to start the new year, thanks! – Linda


    • tubularsock says:

      Don’t fret Linda. Here at The Tubularsock Croc Emporium we have an entire line of Shit-Kicken’-Crocs for all occasions.

      Whether you are going to the barn dance, the pig stall, or just to visit your political representative, we at The Tubularsock Croc Emporium have what you need.

      You see Linda one doesn’t have to just stand in shit, you’ll be able to kick it out of the way with CROC-KICKERS!

      And fear not about the “hedge fund” problem. We at The Tubularsock Croc Emporium have hedge-hogs as security.

      The Tubularsock Croc Emporium may be looking to branch into the hand-knitted grape stomping bootie so as to cut into the Chinese market share. If you care to become a subsidiary of this new venture capital program please let us know.

      Until then …….. have a happy new year.


      • But of course! I might have known — and should have checked the old Emporium first thing.
        Obviously you’d never miss what may turn out to be a huge market for waders and/or ‘Croc-Kickers’.

        But me, running a corporate V-C subsidiary? Hmm. That would take considerable getting used to. Thanks for the thought though. And I’ll definitely be in for some of that state-of-the-art footgear. Worst case, it’s bound to come in handy on the Fukushima job if I have to take it. Come to think of it, knitting booties does sound slightly better than mopping up radioactive seawater and slag. I’ll see what I can work out. – Linda


      • tubularsock says:

        Oh come on Linda. Being the head of a huge conglomerate is easy! Golf at 10, Sailing at 3, and dinner at 10. What could be easier? And you have the added advantage of getting a deep golden tan at Fukushima! Could life get better than that? Cheers.


    • Lark says:

      It’s imvptariee that more people make this exact point.


  4. You and Michele are real trend setters I expect that shit-waders will be all the rage at the next NY fashion week. Do you think those NSA dudes are for hire? I may need their boyfriend snooping services. I’m a great knitter so perhaps they would be up for a trade. Hand-knit crock-kickers in exchange for any relevant crock exposing shit.


    • tubularsock says:

      Yes, Michele and Tubularsock do have a bit of a flair. New York fashion circles may be a little isolated actually. Milan is more our cutting edge style but thanks for noticing. I do think that having a little NSA snooping under your circumstances could be arranged. And your trade idea seems pretty solid. You’ll get their agreement the next time you lift up your cell phone. Listen for the code in the static.

      Thanks for your comment, Sherri.


  5. Dinner and sailing I can handle — I mostly know which fork is which, and port from starboard, bow from stern. But golf? I know nothing and care less. Missing a 4-inch putt (which I’ve done, sad to say) don’t make no points with the big-wigs, I’m sure. Otherwise … maybe so. Anything to avoid that Fukushima tan. And babysitting. – Linda


    • tubularsock says:

      Now Linda, don’t be too harsh on yourself. There are a lot of holes on a golf course and you missed one? Grab a Cuban cigar and talk loud about the one that got away. Big-wigs like that kind of shit.


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