Posts Tagged ‘holiday jobs’

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This is the time of year that Tubularsock hides in his top floor corner office in the underground bunker overlooking Washington, D.C. from Oakland, CA.

Not from fear but from dread ……..

Tubularsock always puts on his stealth attire when he has to leave the bunker and you wouldn’t recognize Tubularsock on the street because the S.F. Bay Area that Oakland is a part has so many diverse hair styles Tubularsock isn’t all that noticeable. No, really.

But just in case Tubularsock always wears a ski hat with blinking green lights with its top cut open and people don’t even look up as Tubularsock passes on his two-wheeled bike. It’s rather a live-and-let-live community in general.

And hell with the homeless black dude that rides his bike pulling two bike trailers with a boom-box and two huge 12” woofer speakers blaring and adding that to all his belongings with everything painted GOLD to match his gold painted top hat, suit coat, pants and high top tennis shoes ……..

Well shit, Tubularsock even begins to look normal!

Tubularsock seldom goes into retail stores. Just have no interest and most of the stuff is priced so high that Tubularsock figures the “liberal-press” has buried the true story that the Chinese slave laborers in the sweat-factories have been given a huge wage increase! Fucking workers!

At least here in America when we asked the Black Africans to leave their homes and come to America we put them to work 24/7. They were good workers too. In fact, so good that the powers to be set up a system that still exist today. And keeps those Black Workers behind bars working in order to keep them from having to associate with all those welfare cheats!

Seriously! If you recall, those Native Americans would run off when our early Christian farmers used to attempt to “train” those savages to work. And none of them spoke American! Go figure.

But that was then and we are here now and things have improved.

And today in America we even love Mexicans! No seriously!

Right after Donald Trump proclaimed to build a wall to keep those raping Mexicans out he in his next breath proclaimed that he had a great relationship with Mexican waiters. They were his homey-amigos.

And just like Americans, no one even noticed any incongruity. That’s because we are ALL, EXCEPTIONAL!

Now, just watching truck after truck after truck of dead pine trees being brought into this city to be decorated and lighted up for a week or two and then tossed to the curbside to be taken away by trucks and trucks and trucks just brings merriment to Tubularsock’s soul.

And just like Americans, no one even notices any incongruity. That’s because we are ALL, EXCEPTIONAL!

But one can not miss the parade of stressed out smiling people marching in and out like zombies to every sales event in order to PROVIDE HAPPINESS which isn’t paid off until  May, 2016 if you’re lucky. Which then keeps them all sitting in cubicles day in and day out for years and they call it their life’s work.

And just like Americans, no one even notices any incongruity. That’s because we are ALL, EXCEPTIONAL!

But what if ………………………..

This year ………………………….

LIBERATION.

stop!

Wow, now how easy was that?

If you haven’t figured this out yet ………..

the force

And believe Tubularsock on this ……. you don’t have to do this.

You never did. It has alway been an illusion and you are the ONLY one who can wake up because it is YOUR dream.

And Tubularsock knows your conditioned response …… “but I, I just couldn’t”.

But you can …….. you create your own reality and you even already know this, so listen from within.

“I’M SORRY, YOUR TIME IS UP ….. THIS IS A RECORDING. YOUR PARKING TICKET MAY BE VALIDATED UPON YOUR EXIT…….. HAVE A NICE DAY” beep.  your move

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Oh sure. The economy is in an upswing.

The job numbers show signs of improvement.

Sure they do ………..

Well everything’s a trick when it comes to government figures.

You see there are more people going back to work because the job numbers reflect the government workers, that were put on furlough during the shut-down, that are now back at work. Now, that’s sly.

And there is an influx of part time holiday workers that have gotten jobs to fight off the Black Friday onslaught so those jobs are counted in the job numbers.

And of course people that stop looking for work aren’t counted at all. But nobody counts them! There could be six people or five million but if nobody counts them then the numbers look better on that new employment graph.

Wow. Tubularsock has gotten off track again. All Tubularsock wanted to do was explain HIS process in getting a job over the Christmas part time employment spike.

And Tubularsock will admit right here that for many of you you really couldn’t do the job that Tubularsock has been hired to do because of Tubularsock’s stellar abilities.

Now, trust me. This is not bravado this is just the TRUTH as Tubularsock see it!

But what is important to you is that Tubularsock will lead you through the rough terrain of finding a job over the holiday season.

Now with the many jobs that are offered you’ll find that you are overqualified if you know how to read and write English and if you expect to be paid. I know that is discouraging but stay tough!

Now don’t sell out! Tubularsock went for what he was qualified to do and pushed forward even when the odds would appear totally against him. Staying true to your calling will land you the job you can do best. It worked for Tubularsock!

Now there was the “Three Wise Men” job. First, Tubularsock noted that that job would spread himself rather thin. Not to mention being only paid as one wise man doing three wise men’s work. Fuck that! And second, perhaps it would have been alright if it had been a “Three Yes Men” job but Tube said NO!

And of course the standard “Santa Gig” job. Now I ask you …….. really? A job where you dress up as a fat old man and let children sit in your lap for extended periods of time while they are screaming and tears running down their little faces …….. HO, HO, HO.

They just couldn’t pay Tube enough!

And then there was the “Baby in the Manger” job. A great job because you get to sleep for long periods of time. Much like the job in that cubical you had last year except a manger is a long low trough which is so much better to stretch out in. The only drawback is the persistent hymning of the neon halo. Tube turned it down in part because the neon halo ran interference with Tubularsock’s natural halo …….. you should be so lucky!

So things were looking pretty glum for Tubularsock in his quest for the perfect part time job during Christmas but then this poster appeared on a telephone pole near Tubularsock’s underground bunker:

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Now you have to admit as well as you know Tubularsock that he was a shoe-in for this job. Just his infallibility alone put him over the top! And yes, if you get a chance to visit the Vatican this Christmas Season

do drop by his offices for a visit and just ask for TubePope ……..  Dio e Tubularsock sono uno! Basta inviare contanti!

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