Posted: April 4, 2015 in American Exceptionalism, Delusional, Secret Service
Tags: ,



Well Saints Be Praised! Ok, maybe not Saints as Tubularsock comes to think about it.

Just what has Saints done for Tubularsock lately ……. can’t think of a thing!

Saints don’t really seem much good if you look at it. They are all dead for starters. That in itself is a downer. They usually are made of stone and they stand on pedestals. Usually OVER you ……… fuck that!

Tubularsock has always thought he’d make a great Saint. He’s stoned for starters and then …….. well, like heaven dude. What a fucking great job. And with a title, Saint Tube!

Ok. Let’s get grounded ………

And what better way than to enter fantasy land.

The Secret Service wants to spend $8 million dollars to build a replica of the White House and the White House grounds so as to have a training site that is a “more realistic environment, conducive to scenario-based training exercises,” according to Joseph Clancy, the director of the Secret Service.

Where in the fuck is Walt Disney when we need him? No really, Pirates of the Caribbean via the White House! That seems to fit!

Now this idea has all come about because the Secret Service has fucked up in its role of protecting the President and his family that something has to be done to show that they care about holding on to their jobs!

Now Joe states that, “Right now, we train on a parking lot, basically. We put up a makeshift fence and walk off the distance between the fence at the White House and the actual house itself. We don’t have the bushes, we don’t have the fountains, we don’t get a realistic look at the White House.”

No really, they don’t get a realistic look at the White House. That is important!

“It’s important to have a true replica of the White House so we can do a better job of integrated training between our uniform division officers, our agents and our tactical teams,” Joe informs us.

Now really, $8 million?

How about paying a little more to the uniform division to stay awake on the job. Tubularsock for $8 million could find competent people to stand guard at every fucking door at the White House 24/7/365!

Training? A fucking guy jumps the fence, runs across the fucking lawn that is longer than a football field opens an unlocked FRONT door of the residence enters the East Room and starts to run up the stairs before anyone notices?

And having an $8 million fake White House will provide better training than LOCKING THE FUCKING FRONT DOOR?

tube double finger copy

Excuse Tubularsock, “where’s my bong?”

Ahh, refreshed again ………….

Now after the latest “home invasion” of the White House the secretary of the Department of Homeland Security, Jeh Johnson appointed a panel of security EXPERTS and being experts they recommended that immediately A HIGHER FENCE was in order. Hey guys, WE are paying these fuckers. Wow, A HIGHER FENCE. Now that is expert thinking!

And on top of that these EXPERTS posed that “problems exposed by recent events go deeper than a new fence can fix.” No shit Dick Tracy!

But rather than concluding that the Secret Service should 1. stay awake, 2. lock the door, and 3. heighten the fence these experts recommended that employees train “in conditions that replicate the physical environment in which they will operate.”

The conclusion: an $8 million Disneyland White House!

But that is not all! The Secret Service budget request includes

funds to renovate a “live-fire shoot house” and to repair and enhance a “tactical

village” training site that aims to recreate a city street environment.

Now just what could go wrong with that idea?

But like always Joseph Clancy, the director of the Secret Service and Jeh Johnson, secretary of the Department of Homeland Security missed a key point when it comes to “conditions that replicate the physical environment in which they (the Secret Service) will operate.”

Tubularsock recommends that an additional $10 million be appropriated to build an exact replica of a Colombian brothel, and a Florida brothel, and a Washington, D.C. brothel so as to “. . . replicate the physical environment in which they (the Secret Service) will operate.” For some reason the Secret Service seem to have an enlarged libedo and a lot of time on their hands.

Tubularsock just likes to get down to real.

And what is REAL?


If the Secret Service uniformed division officers, agents and tactical teams would tend to their job of protecting the White House and the President and his family and just STOP FUCKING AROUND the “problem” would be solved.

Tubularsock would hire “greeters” from Walmart to protect the White House. Damn, everyone is afraid of old fucks! And let the Saints go marching in. Amen.

Don’t miss D.C. Percilla’s take on all this ………….

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  1. donzo442 says:

    The Pink Paradise put up a parking lot. Tore down the trees and put them in a tree museum. They could charge people a buck and a half to see them, the trees. Why doesn’t the military take over “protecting” AmeriKKKa’s president? Every last one of the boots would have put in six months at the White House before they’d get released back into the public. Any damn fool want to clamber over the old White House fence, well, snipe the fool and that’d be that.


  2. Tubularsock, Just when I think I’ve heard everything. Wrong again! Are we sure this Secret Service director isn’t named TOM Clancy? This is the kind of shit our last tax dollars will be spent on, we know that. Then again, that’s eight million they wouldn’t be spending on drone strikes. But still! Sounds like they’d better cancel that easter egg rolling business this year, till they can find more capable agents. (Do they even have that now? Would the animal rights people let them? I’ll have to check.)

    I do like your Wal-mart greeters idea. And now I think of it, maybe this offers me a chance to, er, serve my country at last. I can leave doors unlocked, and fail to notice what’s going on with the best of them! Not sure how I’d manage those Colombian brothels, but nobody said this shit was easy. What other qualifications would I need? I’m a lousy shot, but with those laser site thingies, how tough can it be?

    As for sainthood, why the hell not? They have a saint Christina the Astonishing after all. You’d fit right in! But … that being dead part is troubling — I don’t think we can spare you yet. Thanks for another fine, comforting post. – Linda


    • tubularsock says:

      Oh shit! Tubularsock forgot all about that Easter Egg crap! What better symbol of celebrating an erection resurrection than an egg. All seems logical.

      But don’t worry Linda, we’ll ALWAYS have drone money!

      As for being a greeter, you’re hired! God Bless America!

      Thanks for your comment.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. sojourner says:

    “Tubularsock recommends that an additional $10 million be appropriated to build an exact replica of a Colombian brothel, and a Florida brothel, and a Washington, D.C. brothel so as to “. . . replicate the physical environment in which they (the Secret Service) will operate.” For some reason the Secret Service seem to have an enlarged libedo and a lot of time on their hands.”

    Bingo! And don’t forget a training center of the secret service, CIA and FBI agents to learn how to accept money and other dirty-little perks from the Colombian ‘drug cartel’, which supposedly they are all at war with.

    A higher fence is needed around this compound, all right: a double 16′ to 24′ fence with doubled or tripled razor wire! And, in this way, they won’t have to worry about citizens getting in. And the criminals residing in the Whitehouse, and their criminal cohorts, won’t be able to get out! In this way, we the aware people know where these criminals are, all of the time!

    The government’s war on its people is in full swing. This is all about FEMA camps, ‘civil unrest’ drills in Texas, etc, etc. This is all about the soon coming civil war, which Obomber and crew are getting ready for. This ‘intruder’ was probably another false flag, so they can build a secret whitehouse compound where we the people can’t find it.

    How’s that for a conspiracy theory?

    Liked by 1 person

    • tubularsock says:

      That is why Tubularsock pays you the big bucks, sojourer! Yeah, 24′ fence and all the coke and whores that they need and we keep them in the WH compound. Nice.

      Oh, Tubularsock forgot the FEMA camps. Tubularsock is sure that the government only wants to protect us from ourselves, right?

      Thanks for your comment!

      Liked by 1 person

      • sojourner says:

        No problem, el presidente elect! But when you’re elected, and the razor wire fences can be once again taken down. Can I have the faux whitehouse? I always wanted more than one room!


      • tubularsock says:

        It will be my first Executive Order, sojourner!


  4. sojourner says:

    Reblogged this on An Outsider's Sojourn II and commented:
    Here is another gem from Tubularsock. It’s just another example of how you, Mr and Ms Merica, pay the price for the criminals who make up your government.

    Yes sir, it isn’t bad enough you have to pay for housing for Obama, now you’re going to have to pay for a duplicate of the whitehouse, so the secret service can get their shit together long enough to do their job!

    Again, read and weep, Mr and Ms Merica!


  5. sojourner says:

    Fucking cool!


  6. Sounds like the makings of a world class sit-com.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. wolfess says:

    “They usually are made of stone and they stand on pedestals.” But so do gargoyles and they’re AWESOME! I say more gargoyles and NO saints!

    Pwr 2 the GARGOYLING peons!


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