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THE CHICKEN OR THE EGG: a bin Laden story.

Now everyone knows when it comes to fowl stories Tubularsock is on top of his game. Some even go as far as to say that Tubularsock is for the birds. Whatever!

Tubularsock just loves a good story and as luck would have it it is, THE SAME OLD STORY.


So let’s start at the beginning.

Mohammed bin Laden and his tenth wife Hamida al-Attas fucked and had little Osama bin Mohammed bin Awad bin Laden.(an interesting fun fact is that Bin Laden’s name was as long as his 6’ 4” body when he became an adult. Could that have been some kind of sign?)

Osama’s dad had 58 children from 22 wives but as Sharia Law requires he only had four wives at a time. Damn rules!

Now like any good Moslem dad Mohammed divorced Hamida soon after Osama was born. ( Which may or may not tell us something about what Bin Laden was like as a baby.)

And Bin Laden’s mother then married a man named Muhammad al-Attas, who worked at the bin Laden company. (Sure, Tubularsock wonders just how many of the 22 wives ended up with bin Laden company employees. Just one big happy family. Just imagine the Christmas party, oops.)

Ok. Let’s fast forward ……… is this fun or what?

There is enough agreement that Osama bin Mohammed bin Awad bin Laden was born. In fact Tubularsock has not seen any documentation to date to question that this did not occur.

The problem? How did, when did, and who did die and was it bin Laden at all. There’s the rub!

So what is clear is bin Laden was born from there on, a story but “facts” ….. NOT SO MUCH!

It has been reported that Osama was 6’4” or maybe 6’6” tall. Or maybe less. It occurred to Tubularsock that math and measurement was an early achievement of the Arab World but no one even thought about getting out a measuring rod?

Remember The Navy Seals AFTER THE SUPPOSED KILLING of Bin in his bedroom laid down beside his crumpled bloody body to judge how tall he was ….. wow, those Navy Seals are kinky fuckers and none-too bright.

With all the equipment that they carry no one thought a measuring tape could be handy? Very poor planning if you ask Tubularsock. (you may have noticed no one has asked Tubularsock)

And after the unarmed old man in his bathrobe is blown apart by massive gun fire THEN they start to wonder if it was Bin or not? (side note to self: don’t hang out with Navy Seal bat-shit-nut cases)

In terms of personality, bin Laden was described as a soft-spoken, mild mannered, left handed man who used a cane.

Because Bin never exhibited any Fred Astaire moves it was assumed the cane was for health reasons. His bodyguard CONTENDED Soviet chemical weapons were to blame for his malady but reporters SPECULATED that kidney disease was the cause.

The CIA BELIEVED that bin Laden had Marfan syndrome or kidney disease.(Wright, Lawrence. The Looming Towern. New York: Vintage, 2006.)

The CIA THOUGHT that the possibility of kidney disease was credible. They concluded that bin Laden did not need dialysis, but does suffer from kidney stones.(Robert Windrem. “CIA is looking for a few good doctors.” NBC News, Dec. 29, 2004.)

On July 1, 2002, Time Magazine reported “. . . that physicians who analyzed photos of bin Laden determined that he PROBABLY suffers from secondary osteoporosis, which is often related to diabetes and kidney trouble”. (“Bin Laden Alive as of Late December”, Reuters; Sun Jun 30, 2002.)

Are you getting the picture? CONTENDED, SPECULATED, BELIEVED, THOUGHT, PROBABLY these are descriptive words for we don’t know shit about bin Laden’s true health condition.

Tube science rockets

Now David Ray Griffin, who Tubularsock has very high regard for concluded that Osama bin Laden died in late 2001 or 2002. But when you look closely at Griffin’s claims his evidence is based on rather weak information, if you ask Tubularsock. (you may have noticed no one has asked Tubularsock)

David Ray Griffin states the following five things from his article “Osama Bin Laden: Dead or Alive?” to show that Bin Laden is dead:

“1. The CIA up until mid-December 13, 2001, had regularly been intercepting messages between bin Laden and his people. At that time, however, the messages suddenly stopped, and the CIA has never again intercepted a message. (maybe he figured out he was being listened to?)

 2. On December 26, 2001, a leading Pakistani newspaper published a story reporting that bin Laden had died in mid-December. ( oh! a leading Pakistani newspaper, then it must be true)

 3. Osama bin Laden had kidney disease. He had been treated for it in the American  Hospital in Dubai in July 2001, at which time he REPORTEDLY ordered two dialysis machines to take home. (see below)

 4. In July of 2002, CNN reported that bin Laden’s bodyguards had been captured in February of that year, adding: “Sources believe that if the bodyguards were captured away from bin Laden, it is likely the most-wanted man in the world is dead.” (maybe they were on break)

 5. The United States has since 2001 offered a $25 million reward for any information leading to the capture or killing of bin Laden. But this reward offer has produced no such information.” (until now)

But when you look at all five of these examples and follow them out they are all based on conjecture NOT HARD FACTS. Even Number 3, the Dubai hospital information can be called into question if you look at it.

The one reported “fact” that bin Laden was in the American Hospital in Dubai in July 2001 and according to CBS News “. . . was being given kidney dialysis treatment in a hospital in Pakistan . . . the night before the 9/11 attacks” was first reported by the French newspaper Le Figaro.

The story was drawn from a leak from French intelligence (according to The Guardian) and not only provided bin Laden’s hospital visit but also the story that the CIA Bureau Chief “. . . was seen in the lift, on his way to see Bin Laden, and later, it is alleged, boasted to friends about his contact. He was recalled to Washington soon afterwards”.

The hospital “emphatically” denied that bin Laden was admitted to the hospital and the CIA denied that their bureau chief visited. Oh gosh, just who can one believe?

And then there is the kidney dialysis treatment itself.

CNN reporting on Pakistan’s president, Gen. Pervez Musharraf, speculation that bin Laden had likely died of kidney failure was then supported by CNN’s medical correspondent Dr. Sanjay Gupta who proceeded to evaluate A VIDEO with some earlier photos of bin Laden and concluded “. . . that he appeared to be in the last stages of kidney failure”.

From this Tubularsock would not go on record that bin Laden died in 2001 or in 2014 either. But what is clear is that whatever story the United States Government comes up with will be and is A LIE. That is the only FACT Tubularsock can draw from all of this bullshit.

Oh, but there’s more ……. wouldn’t you know.

According to Salon, in the article, The Many Deaths of Osama bin Laden on May 1, 2011 Justin Elliott writes:

“The false reports of Osama bin Laden’s death began almost immediately after Sept. 11, 2001, and persisted at a rate of at least once or twice a year, every year. The reports — generated by (usually anonymous) statements by American officials and a dizzying array of foreign sources — often generated international headlines.

Here’s a sampling:

July, 2002 FBI counterterrorism chief Dale Watson tells a law enforcement conference of bin Laden: “I personally think he is probably not with us anymore, but I have no evidence to support that.”

August,2002 Popular conspiracy-mongering radio host Alex Jones announces, citing high-level Bush administration sources, “that bin Laden died of natural causes and that his family has given the body to the CIA.” Jones added, “they’re gonna roll him out right before the election, he’s on ice right now.”

May, 2003 French military analyst announces that bin Laden was killed in an American air raid in Tora Bora shortly after the invasion of Afghanistan in 2001.

February, 2004 Iranian Radio reports that bin Laden was captured in the Afghan-Pakistan border area “a long time ago” — but the official announcement was delayed because “Bush is intending to use it for propaganda maneuvering in the presidential election.”

April, 2002 The Israeli press picks up an account from a radical Muslim London newspaper: “We now report that the al-Qaeda organization has announced the death of Osama Bin Laden.”

September, 2006 French intel document says that Saudis believe bin Laden had died of typhoid in Pakistan.

June, 2008 Citing two unnamed officials, Time magazine reports that a recent CIA study has concluded bin Laden has long-term kidney disease and “may only have months to live.”

April, 2009 Pakistani President Asif Ali Zardari tells the media that his country’s intel services “obviously feel that [bin Laden] does not exist anymore”’

But even here Justin Elliott shows bias by starting off his report with “The false reports of Osama bin Laden’s death . . .”

An interesting link that Tubularsock found in these travels to find bin Laden is:

You will discover here that Osama bin Laden has spent more time dead than living. Which in itself is an amazing feat for this amazing man.

So all the attack toward Seymour Hersh and his article on the re-death of bin Laden on May 11, 2011 is just another bin Laden death. The only thing it lacks is the Dairy Queen sightings with Elvis.

But it could be the true death of bin Laden or it could just as easily NOT be his final death.

So it might be helpful for a quick “fill in the blanks” historically for you and this little video made by Tubularsock in 2007 may help you recall what all this Afghanistan business was all about.



  1. “(you may have noticed no one has asked Tubularsock)”

    Yes, I noticed! Maybe that’s what’s wrong with the world? – Linda

    Liked by 2 people

  2. donzo442 says:

    Big Breaking Tidbits of Utter Uselessness –
    According to my Pakistani sources (s’up Hadji) Usama bin Laden was actually 6′ 10″ tall and declined a contract offered to him by Pat Riley to play for the Lakers a way back in the day. You see Usama had better knees than Kareem. Anyway, Usama went on to fame and fortune in Afghaniscam and ultimately went down in a pickup game in Tora Bora where he split infinitives and a bad hammy and was sidelined brokenhearted. Where he eventually died a broken man and cursed his decision to not play for the Lakers. True true and don’t bother to ask CIA as one can’t get a straight answer from that collection of habitual liars for love nor money.

    Liked by 1 person

    • tubularsock says:

      Hot damn! Don, funny that you brought up that pickup game in Tora Bora. Tubularsock was sidelined in that game as well. Fuckers wanted to test Tubularsock for Afghani weed. Tubluarsock was fined and had to sit out three games. Tubularsock noticed that Bin was taking it all too hard and I tried to console him but he being 6′ 10″ presented a communication problem. That and he didn’t speak Laker.

      Thanks for bringing back court side memories. One hoop-de-rah for you!

      Liked by 3 people

  3. As I sit here sobbing and wringing my scented hanky, all of the great times that I shared with my tall handsome lover come back to me. I am still of the opinion that he is not dead, only removed from me to another sphere, another dimension where time is held in suspended animation and where dreams are fulfilled if only we believe. My darling bin Laden will make his way back to my bedside, come what may. The CIA be damned for they know not what my precious darling was up to every single day of his life, though they spied and lied on him, endlessly. I must stop, for I am working myself into hysterics and a hysterical female is an awful something to witness.

    “Slap! Slap!” There I have slapped the hysterics right on up out of me! Now then, where was I? Oh yes! Bin Laden, does not walk among the dead! I shall never believe it! Oh dear, where are my smelling salts, I fear that I shall surely swoon!

    LMAO! This was a great one Tubularsock and I so thoroughly enjoyed your video! You are muy talented. Bravo! Bravo! And I seriously don’t know what’s come over me. It would appear that I am preparing myself for a Shakespearean role….or something. LOL!

    Liked by 1 person

    • tubularsock says:

      “The world is a stage . . .” as Willy said. That’s Willy Shakespeare not Willy Clinton.
      Tubularsock is really sorry for Bin having to cut out from your loving arms but true love always returns, CIA be damned!

      Tubularsock is glad you liked his little video. It was a part one and some day there may even be a part two. Who can say …. Tubularsock would be the last to know.

      Tubularsock has taken the liberty of sending some smelling salts to you which will help with any hysterical swooning spells. Do take care of yourself and consider you are in good company because Bin had six wives and 26 children so if you can connect up you’ll have plenty of company as you wait for his return.

      Thanks for your comment and it does prove that love conquers all.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. swo8 says:

    First class story Tubuluarsock! A lot of potential there. Could go either way.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Lisa says:

    So… what you’re saying is… they were just kidding. That wasn’t really the “Final Boss Fight.”

    Liked by 1 person

  6. sojourner says:

    “But what is clear is that whatever story the United States Government comes up with will be and is A LIE. That is the only FACT Tubularsock can draw from all of this bullshit.”

    Me too! And this is why I have sort of held to the contrary to US story Osama died in 2001. But do I know this for certain? When it comes to all this political bullshit, I know nothing for certain!

    Who knows? Who cares? I don’t. Fuck it all, Fuck it all, the long, the short and the tall…

    Maybe Neo-Nero was Osama before he became Obama, or the other way around? Or maybe we have all slipped into one of those pesky alternate universes, where everything is retrograde inverted?

    BTW, turkey always seems to leave a foul taste in my mouth!

    Oh, and I, like the others, didn’t bother to ask Tube about this, because Tube needs to be focusing on 2016, right?

    You be the president, Sojourner be the gossip columnist!

    Liked by 2 people

    • tubularsock says:

      Sojourner Tubularsock thinks you have hit on it! The pesky alternate universe where everything is retrograde inverted. That really does cover it!

      About the Turkey, when you get a chance try WT Single Barrel. Smoother and tastier than WT 80 or 101.

      And yes it is silly for Tubularsock to spend his time on this murder gossip when he’s running for President. Best leave it to you Sojourner, thanks.

      Liked by 2 people

      • sojourner says:

        “About the Turkey, when you get a chance try WT Single Barrel. Smoother and tastier than WT 80 or 101.”

        Still chuckling, my friend! I will, believe me, as soon as I get the chance. I could use a snort or twenty right now, as a matter of fact!

        Yes, leave the dirty stuff to us staffers, you have more impotent, ooops, important stuff to be focused on, like running mates, and where your presidential library will be built;-)

        Liked by 2 people

  7. tubularsock says:

    sojourner remember WT is like mother’s milk.

    Funny you mentioned Tubularsock’s Presidential Library. Tubularsock is presently working with Barack and Michelle with the plans for Obummers Presidential library. You know check outs, late fees for overdue drones, you know stuff like that.

    Impotent staffers? Sometimes one has to give their all to the campaign. Tubularsock will do the important stuff. Thanks sojourner. Remember you’ll also go down in history you wild turkey swilling impotent speech writer which helped launch Tubularsock to the high…..est office in the land, stoned.


  8. The other thing I got out of David Ray Griffin’s book is that all the so-called bin Laden audio and videotapes made after Dec 2001 were established as fakes – as were all the post-2001 photos of him. I just learned about a qualitative research method called triangulation today (we were down at the district council fighting with them over how close fracking rigs can be set up near homes and schools). Apparently when one type of factual evidence is rudimentary and incomplete, you can increase the likelihood of your conclusion by introducing a second qualitative set of evidence.

    This is what I think Griffin does in his book. If bin Laden were alive, you wonder why he didn’t make a public statement about all the fake videos being made in his name.

    Here’s the definition from Wikipedia: Triangulation is a powerful technique that facilitates validation of data through cross verification from two or more sources. In particular, it refers to the application and combination of several research methods in the study of the same phenomenon.


    • tubularsock says:

      Thanks DrB., Tubularsock likes the logic of Triangulation, in part because it’s near the shape of Tubularsock’s head. But aesthetics aside Tubularsock agrees that Griffin does much of this in his 9/11 research.

      Tubularsock is not interested in challenging Griffin’s work which Tubularsock has followed closely and feels he is extremely helpful in bringing forth valuable thought and questions that have been attempted to be swept under the rug.

      It is that Tubularsock just thinks, and therefore he is ………

      So let say, Tubularsock is bin Laden, minus the hair, and the United States is out to get me.
      And I have all the money in the world and a family who supports me, at least secretly.

      And a Saudi Royal Family that supports me, at least secretly.

      And Tubularsock, as bin Laden, wants to live a good life without the fear of being droned. What would one do.


      Now sure, Tubularsock couldn’t hide in this manner because Tubularsock can’t shut-up but bin Laden just might be
      able to slip into oblivion knowing that his contribution has been accomplished.

      Plausible? Why not. It appears that it is not too difficult to outwit Bush-Obummer and the boys with their agenda.

      Thanks for your comment DrB., always enjoy the time.


  9. Genie says:

    Tuby, there is another possibility, that being: Osama bin Laden was *channeling* Fred Astaire, thus, the usage of the cane, however, *even though he was in touch with Fred Astaire (a stair?!), the connection would fade out*, therefore, Osama was not able to dance like AStair.

    Liked by 1 person

    • tubularsock says:

      Genie, thank you for your “channeling” insight. From Tubularsock’s sources at the Channeling Institute, Ltd., “Osama took only a few STEPS AStaire before he needed his cane.” It’s been told that many “stared” at Osama’s attempt but due to magnetic interference from the CIA the “channel” was interrupted causing the “open channel” to be closed. It was a sad day in Tora Bora.

      Thank you for your comment and your interest in searching for truth no matter where it “lies”.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Genie says:

        My sources tell me that it’s rather odd that Osama bin Laden allegedly lived and died at Torah Bora, was he the new Moses? with a new Torah, and is that why AStair channeled (although intercepted by the CIA, frequently) his dancing skills to the poster boy cutie Osama/Moses?

        Or was he a reincarnation of Moses, living at Torah Bora, it does put forth the question, and was his *updated* Torah, about going back to the land and living in caves, dancing with Kaines (not Ables’!) to the light of the moon?

        Liked by 1 person

      • tubularsock says:

        Genie, wow. Your pondering does provide food for thought. Tubularsock is afraid that ever time he started with the Torah Tubularsock got Bora-ed. But in an attempted to clear up any doubts of the Osama-Moses connection Tubularsock relies on his good friends at the NSA.

        According to the NSA there is questions whether Moses ever existed. In perusing their mega-data they found NO text messages or cell phone communication NOT even a twitter account! These are all secure indicators that Moses DID NOT exist.

        But in a complete investigation Tubularsock took this opportunity to not leave a stone unturned bringing forth the Tablets.

        The Tablets of today are very similar in design as far as shape to the stone tablets Moses used with the exception that Moses could not just go to Best Buy to replace his if he screwed up. Oh sure, and weight and size.

        But Moses was able to put 10 ideas down that have been communicated all over the world but because of Moses’ Tablet it took longer than a nano-second to “spread the word”. Later fiber-optics sped up the process even though few pay much attention to the ten ideas today. Or come to think about it …. EVER!

        Due to time constraints Tubularsock could go on but won’t except to say that if Able had followed Keynes advice living in caves and dancing to the light of the moon would not have been necessary because the private sector decisions sometimes lead to inefficient macroeconomic outcomes. All of this is well documented in Tubularsock’s now famous book Spooky Geometry on your book store shelves NOW.


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