Posts Tagged ‘Iran’

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From a series of informed sources who are not authorized to speak on this issue but have nothing else to do today in the bloated government bureaucracy has presented an outline of the influence of the new Secretary Of The Inferior on the Obama Administration.*

The Tubularsock News Team has also sent our stealth photographer into the mix and has documented photographic evidence of all the rumor and innuendo.

As we like to say at the Tubularsock News Team break-room, “If a picture is worth a thousand words then this story is worth ten thousand words!”

Rather than be accused of conflict of interest we have turned our investigative journalism over to the tabloid, The New York Toast.

NY Toast Cover

From the very beginning fear in the Administration was palpable. Could a “commoner” be able to bond with the elite?

Well, our inside sources all concurred that the new Secretary Of The Inferior fit like a hand in a glove.

Lunch

The new Secretary Of The Inferior was asked by the press how he felt to be at the left hand of The President of the United States and he clearly stated, “no, the steak tartare please”.

The more comfortable the Secretary Of The Inferior became the more cautious distrust  appeared within the West Wing. In fact, down right suspiciousness of his intentions were felt and cloaked in plutocratic innuendo.

This type of approach to an obvious “outsider” was lost on the Secretary who felt that they liked him. But he started to isolate himself in the President’s office.

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That suspicious attitude became more prevalent within the President himself.

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However the Secretary Of The Inferior and Michelle became more ……..

Say ………… ahh, shall we say “friendly”?

Not being sure of the Secretary Of The Inferior’s intentions Obama started to take him with him whenever he traveled.

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Plane Wave

And then one day the President and the Secretary Of The Inferior were scheduled to fly to the Asian Conference in Kuala Lumpur.

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Stolen

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Now in any Presidential Administration lots of stuff gets stolen. Paper clips, ball point pens, computers, ground-keeper tools, ballistic missiles, large sums of cash, larger sums of cash, cash of larger sums than that and one’s integrity.

The biggest surprise is that anyone noticed.

Immediately Congress formed two committees, one in the House and one in the Senate. Each committee member and staff took it upon themselves to fly to Kuala Lumpur to see where Air Force One should have landed if it hadn’t been stolen.

It was verified that there was NO, they repeated NO, Air Force One on any golf course in Kuala Lumpur.

Senator John McCain was unable to say, “The terrorist have been part of this Obama Administration for some time and the Ukrainian people need all ….. no, I mean Palestine has to be considered ….. no, I mean  …”

The CIA, NSA, DIA, NGA, NRO, AFISRA, MI, MCIA, ONI, OICI, I&A, CGI, FB/NSB, DEA/ONSI, INR, and the TFI were all called into service but many of them were out of the office so a message was left with their respective receptionists. **

All of these agencies work separately and together to conduct intelligence activities and are under the I.C. which is headed by the DNI, who reports to the President.**

The FBI, DOS, DSS, IRS-CID, TIGTA, USMP, DOD, DCIS, CID, OSI, NCIS, DOJ, ATF, USDI, USDA, DOC, HHS, DHS, USCG, FPS, CGPD, CBP, ICE, USSS, SPS,USCP, USPIS were also all put on the case. **

It appears that the USPIS (United States Postal Inspection Service) may have not been necessary however Senator Diane Feinstein insisted that it was not because her husband was well invested in post offices that the agency must play a role. It was because of “. . . her keen concern to protect every woman and child of this great land”.

As Senator Feinstein did not say, “That plane could have been easily packed up in a pre-postage-paid-priority-mail-express-package and shipped to the Russians for all we know!”

As a result over seventeen million dollars will be allocated to throughly inspect ALL the P.O.Boxes in every post office within the United States.

Representative Robert Fuckoff (R) Ohio demanded that for national security concerns he would pursue drafting a bill to create an inspection team to investigate all “general delivery” windows of every post office in the United States.

During an impromptu stop over at the employee’s break room at Postal Inspection, Inc. Rep. Fuckoff stated, “This twenty-seven million dollar allocation bill will ensure that inspections would be conducted on all “general delivery” locations. What better way is there to protect our citizens from terrorists who want to harm our home-land?” 

When the maimed-stream media asked about the rumor that his family was involved in Postal Inspection, Inc. Representative Fuckoff stated, “Those accusations have been made before!” 

……………………………………………

A Special Blue Ribbon Committee was appointed immediately if not sooner by the President to “investigate the disappearance of Air Force One and The Secretary Of The Inferior” and to report back to him. The President insisted that the Committee’s work would be totally transparent and would be held in secret for national security reasons.

The maimed-stream media didn’t pursue the definition of transparent assuming the President is a Constitutional Scholar and knew the definition better than they.

Congress announced that it will immediately take up the issue of funding the Special Blue Ribbon Committee as soon as they return from their inter-session break and before their fall break. This leaves “. . . a corridor of six full hours” stated Senator DipStick (D) from Louisiana. 

Conspiracy

First there were the sightings.

DairyQueed gang

(UPI) “They were ALL there”, said Jimmy Insano from DelRio, Texas. “Right out in front of the Dairy Queen! Elvis, bin Laden, Kennedy and the Secretary Of The Inferior!

“I didn’t see no plane or anything like that …… but I didn’t go in the Dairy Queen. Sure, it could have been in there.”

 The heat in DelRio at times reaches 135 degrees in the shade.

(The Sun, UK) “The chances of Air Force One being snatched from the sky by an alien space craft isn’t as far fetched as it may appear” says Jay Jay Johnson. “There have been sightings recently as far away as Denver”, he continued. “Space IS the final frontier, you know, and if and I’m saying IF, The Secretary Of The Inferior had been sent with a message to give to extraterrestrials, then why not?” Jay Jay Johnson concluded.

(New York Times) It was reported today that the Malaysian Government was asked by President Obama to assist in the tracking of the missing Air Force One. Critics say this new development has created perhaps a “hint” that the President isn’t sincere about finding the Secretary Of The Inferior.

President Obama’s new Press Secretary Josh Earnest, stated at todays news briefing that “. . . he was earnest that the President was earnest about the search for Air Force One as well as The Secretary Of The Inferior”.

This confused the White House Press Corp because they thought the President was not Earnest because Josh Earnest was Earnest. And Josh Earnest stated that he was earnest and the President was earnest as well. The White House Press Corp reiterated that Earnest was Earnest and Earnest was not Obama.

After forty-five minutes the Earnest – earnest conundrum was tabled until a later date.

(FOX News) Donald Rumsfeld was asked to comment on the incident and stated: “we know, there are known knowns; there are things that we know that we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don’t know we don’t know.”

And he continued, “The missing Secretary Of The Inferior is the ultimate in unknown unknowns, if you ask me.”

And of course, Dick Cheney was asked for comments on this new international mystery but was unable to make it to the interview because he had “left his heart in San Francisco” and hadn’t noticed until his flight was over Wisconsin. Which at that point had to turn his flight back to the West Coast.

 

 

 

Mystery

 

 

 

footnotes:

* To catch up with The Secretary Of The Inferior refer back to: blog post, NEW EMPLOYMENT, NEW ECONOMY.

** Those are all investigating agencies of the United States Government. Tubularsock doesn’t have time to make that much shit up!

All photographs may look like they have been altered in some way. They have NOT! However they are a different angle from the original photo.

Photography is in the eye of the beholder.

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Tubularsock was ask by the blog site Deconstructing Myths to contribute an article to their Mic check guest blogger series.

The opportunity is simple: To open information up to a broader audience than Tubularsock presently has and to present that information within a forum of enlightened and creative people .

 Deconstructing Myths is the creation of Jeff Nguyen, a multi-talented  fellow with the stated goal of  “. . . shed[ing] light on some of the important issues of our time.” And to find “collective solutions” to the problems found in our world today.

But the largest focus of Jeff’s work to is “. . . to deconstruct the myths many of us have been raised on through the powerful influence of the media and teachings of the dominant culture.”

That works for Tubularsock!

 

So the bottom line is simple …………. to read this Tubularsock blog post you too will have to travel to:          http://deconstructingmyths.com/

 

And I want to thank Jeff for this great opportunity ………… I am sure all of you will agree, “Tubularsock needs all the help he can get!”

 

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Tubularsock was out of his top floor corner office in his underground bunker overlooking Washington, D.C. from Oakland, CA. for several days due to an intense family emergency. It was worse than having to eat dinner with the Cheney’s. It was hell personified and Tubularsock doesn’t even believe in the hell concept but it is the best descriptive for a quick picture.

Happily all’s good now and I’m back in the bunker viewing the collective mess that we live in and feel good that nothing has changed for the better which is rather comforting.

You know, the shit you live in in the collective culture is shit we’re familiar with and just like any abusive relationship it’s still home. Yes, we’re sick mother-fuckers!

So while Tubularsock was focused elsewhere he missed:

 The State of the Union Address..

 

 The flair-up Kanye West created in his quest to get Kim Kardashian on the Vogue Cover.

 

 Some football game with a lot of custom ads.

 

 Brig. Gen. Hossein Salami, a top commander of Iran’s Revolutionary Guards boasting that Iran “ . . . have targets within America.” But so does Tubularsock! 

 

The Justin Bieber’s DUI. 

 

And the State Department’s release of the XL Keystone Pipeline environmental report written by the oil industry for the occasion.

Wow. Turn your back for just a minute and the shit just keeps hitting the fan!

So where does Tubularsock start?

Where-else Justin ………….

MSNBC was in the middle of an interview with Congresswoman Jane Harman about the NSA  spying scandal when they interrupted that interview to bring forth a BREAKING NEWS story.

And what was that BREAKING NEWS?

The judge was reading the charges against Justin Bieber at THAT MOMENT!

Really, need Tubularsock say more about this crap?

Sure.

There was also a big discussion about Justin having zits that showed up on his mug-shots. It appears that the cops don’t air-brush out blemishes. What a travesty.

How is Tubularsock going to handle that a 19 year old boy who drives a yellow Lamborghini has zits?

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And not to overplay this cathartic bull-shit but the White House had to pay attention to the incident because of enough people had signed an on-line petition demanding that Justin be DEPORTED back to Canada for being a “bad influence on American youth”. Like a border make’s a difference.

It seems that the White House has a page that citizens can present grievances and if the numbers are great enough then the White House will take some type of action.

Well, bottom line …….. a DUI just doesn’t rank high enough in the pantheon of crimes to warrant deportation. Zits, however …….. you may have a case!

Then the State of The Union Address. 

Gag Tubularsock with a spoon. The bull shit was stacked so high that even Joe Biden couldn’t add to it with his inept personal deficiencies.

I don’t know about you but Tubularsock just has trouble listening to abstract when I’m stepping over the homeless on the streets whenever I go out. Now granted, riding a bicycle puts me more in tune with the direct environment than say riding around in your SUV with the music on and the tinted windows but even you have to get out to buy your food.

At times Tubularsock thinks he’s in India as he criss-crosses a human sea of men and women with card-board signs asking for help.

And to have Obummer say that women aren’t getting paid as much as men for the same work ………. well no shit Dick Tracy.

“Let’s make this a year of action,” Obummer says. Sure. What has changed from last year?

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Well according to Bummer’s intro, A teacher has helped her student, AN entrepreneur does her part to create 8 million jobs, An auto worker fine tuned some of the most fuel efficient cars in the world to do his part to help America to WEAN ITSELF OFF FOREIGN OIL. And on and on until we come to the military families who tuck their children in bed and remember fallen comrades BUT NOT REMEMBER ALL THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN THEY WASTED AS THEY MURDERED THEIR WAY THROUGH IRAQ AND AFGHANISTAN.

And all the while the camera flashes over the dumb shit that can’t clap but beats his chest with his hand instead because he’s the poster-boy of the deformed and maimed “military-hero” who still doesn’t get it. Nor does his stupid bloated father standing next to him. He may be even more of a fucking dumb shit than his son!

When will they wake up? What a price to pay to be cannon fodder. You get the President to point out what a hero you are for getting yourself blown to shit and then forgotten when the lights go out and the cameras are put away.

A State of the Union Circus would not be complete without a freak show so they propped up Cory Remsberg the current military excuse of a hero and the Congress that sent him and so many to die and become crippled all applauded and thereby absolved their collective guilt.

What a sad commentary on the nation.

And it is that propagandistic bull-shit that is continually pushed and as long as everyone focuses on the sacrificial, emotional horse shit ol’ Cory will be rolled around as an example and Cory says he still wants to serve his country.

Well, Cory ……… you are still severing the ends of the war profiteers. The fact that you and your father are both fucking brain dead helps push the war agenda. Congratulations.

But without a chance to rest your mind let Tubularsock deal with the flair-up Kanye West created in his quest to get Kim Kardashian on the Vogue Cover.

Kanye for some reason is not the brightest crayon in the box. Recently he has punched a couple of guys for comments they have made to him. One was in a chiropractor’s office of all places.

It seems guys say shit to Kanye, then he punches them, then they sue him, and then they collect an out of court settlement of $125,000.00.

Sound like a plan? Tubularsock is working on his retirement program. Where does Kanye hang out?

UBE kim and Kayne

Well the hip-hop artist allegedly confronted Vogue’s chief editor Anna Wintour at the Beverly Hills Polo Lounge, and got right up in her face over the issue of Kim not being placed on the current cover of Vogue.

Because Anna is a personal friend he can’t see why she isn’t willing to do him this personal favor and put Kim on the cover.

In truth, Tubularsock can’t figure out why Anna won’t put Tubularsock on the cover of Vogue. It just seem like the right thing to do.

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Now who would believe a guy named Salami? It sounds like baloney to Tubularsock. And all this Iran’s Revolutionary Guards shit. Remember how Saddam Insane’s Revolutionary Guards were this huge danger to our troops before our invasion of Iraq?

TARGET AMERICA!

The mass media played that wild card and pumped up everyone until when we invaded they weren’t even there. Another crack intelligence failure. OR a sly propaganda ploy by  American for Americans.

Pretty much all Tubularsock can recommend to assist Iran with suggested targets within the United States is to call 1-800-al-Qaeda and leave a message.

Ah, yes. That football game with the custom ads. The least said the better. I was hoping that Iran would have taken that out but alas Tubularsock can’t have every new years resolution come true.

And while no one was looking including the State Department the environmental impact report produced by the oil industries was rubbered stamped out by the State Department and in general the conclusion ……… what impact?

The fact that the XL pipeline crosses over 1700 bodies of fresh water, ahh ……. just what could go wrong. And the argument goes like this ……… it would be more dangerous to transport this shit oil by train so leaky pipelines that will be thoroughly inspected maybe once (if they can spare the time) will be way safer.

Well the unions want it because they’ll get almost 2000 new jobs for ten minutes and then years of catastrophic leak repair which the pipeline owners will have only limited liability before the federal and state governments put up the bucks.

EVERY oil leak in the current pipeline coming out of Canada that has leaked has caused irreparable damage to the environmental balance of the areas involved that can not be corrected for a hundred years. Now who has that kind of time?

And yet you’ll see Obummer sign off on this XL pipeline ……… why? Oh come now. Haven’t you noticed yet?

Barack Obama is the first black president in white-face and as long as the-slave-boy keeps up the “good-nigger” role the white power structure will let him play golf with them.

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Yes’em massa!

Come on everyone …………. let’s sing the blues.

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Tubularsock is not surprised nor will you be so get a cup of coffee, tea, bourbon, scotch,  sake, a bowl of Afghan hash ……….. whatever it takes to settle in and read what you already know and be amazed once again at the shear stupidity and narrow-mindedness of presumably intelligent individuals. Basically there is dumb and dumber. This can hold it’s head up high in the pantheon-of-dumbolgy to the level of dumbest!

Let Tubularsock start at the simplest level and progress up the ladder of understanding.

THIS IS SCIENCE!

Take a thimble full of black ink and dump it into a glass of water.

Take a stone and toss it into a pond.

And the results, please ………….

The glass of water is now black and the pond has concentric circles moving away from the spot where the stone entered the water.

Another example of the phenomenon about to be discussed is found in this true-life-experience. Tubularsock likes to run and every once in a while he takes BART (a rapid transit system) from Oakland to San Francisco. He exits at the Embarcadero Station which puts him at the foot of Market Street and he walks a short distance to the famous SF Ferry Building.

The Ferry Building is the starting point of the run which proceeds along the Embarcadero across the Golden Gate Bridge down into Sausalito. A little city north of SF. It’s a nice 12 mile run. Then Tubularsock hops on a ferry and returns to the Ferry Building and then back to his top floor corner office in his underground bunker overlooking Washington, D.C. in Oakland, CA.

Well more than once while running across the Golden Gate Bridge which more often than not has a strong wind blowing I’ve encountered a cigarette smoker exhaling their smoke. And even with a strong wind and a HUGE amount of air space the smell of that smoke is present.

So, let’s review: Ink, ripples, smoke.

Now like terrorism we are all supposed to be scared of HACKERS and CYBER-ATTACKS! Sure we are ……..

So like always if you follow terrorism, hackers, and cyber-attacks down to their fundamentals ONE ALWAYS (THAT’S ALWAYS) finds the United States Government creating, promoting, and actively engaged is these activities. IT’S WHAT WE DO.

Another FEAR we are all programed to have is IRAN GETTING A NUCLEAR BOMB!

And you know the reasons ……… they’re Middle Eastern Crazies and oh my god if they had THE bomb then they may use it.

“Crazies”? The only country in the history of the world that has EVER dropped a nuclear bomb on people is the United States of America. And we dropped TWO! On civilians!

So much for CRAZIES.

Well in order to screw up Iran from developing nuclear weapons the U.S. along with Israel (who happens to be crazier than bat shit) created a computer virus to fuck up Iran’s nuclear enrichment machinery. This virus is called “Stuxnet”.

Fun side note: Just in case you may have forgotten Iran received nuclear machinery for the development of their nuclear reactor from Halliburton while Dick Cheney was CEO even though it was against United States law to trade nuclear products or information with Iran at that time. Never say one person can’t make a difference!

Well, just like any good Laurel and Hardy movie Stuxnet not only infected Iran’s nuclear facility but this malware has spread outside of Iran to Russia and has even infected machines on the International Space Station, according to Eugene Kaspersky, a Russian specialist in the information security field.

Now how fun is that?

But it even gets better. Last November, U.S. oil giant Chevron also revealed that Stuxnet ran loose beyond its intended targets in 2010 and infected its network. At the time, a Chevron spokeswoman claimed that the company was not negatively impacted by the cyber attack. According to SC Magazine, a security magazine for professionals.

And according to Sean Sullivan, a security analyst for F-Secure, “It didn’t spread via the internet. It spread outside of its target due to a bug and so it started traveling via USB. Given the community targeted, I would not be surprised if other countries had nuclear plants with infected PCs”.

Stuxnet is traveling by those little portable USB gadgets which seem to bypass the traditional defenses used by computer security.

This is the perfect example of the art of unintended consequences and as Kaspersky stated in a Q&A at the Australia’s National Press Club last week, “Everything you do is a boomerang . . .”

So you see, Stuxnet is the ink poured into the water which has become the concentric cycles continuing to spread in a very large pond.

But before Tubularsock can wrap up his Nuke discussion this little bit of information will heighten your awareness of just how far the U.S. has fallen from the rotting nuclear tree.

Now you all know Major General Michael Carey, right?

No?

You should be glad Tubularsock is in your life!

Major General Michael Carey WAS commander of 20th Air Force, in charge of the Air Force’s fleet of 450 Minuteman 3 nuclear missiles.

Carey was removed from his duty for unspecified personal misbehavior that other officials said was related to alcohol use.

Fun side note: If “A”  follows “B” and “A” is misbehavior related to alcohol then “B” MUST BE  SEX! Well, NO the misbehavior IS NOT sexual misconduct nor is it related to operational readiness.  So just what kind of “misbehavior” that is alcohol related would result in a guy with 35 years of commendable service be fired? Stay-tuned.

Now don’t worry …….. you know he had a couple of beers just once and ………..

The Air Force has stated that future candidates for nuclear commander positions WILL NOW BE more carefully screened! (will now be?)

Wait for it ………. including the addition of an Internet search of the person’s name that could turn up any damaging information.

Wow, with a sigh of relief, you and Tubularsock can feel more secure that the guy who is the commander of the Air Force’s fleet of 450 Minuteman 3 nuclear missiles has been given the ALL CLEAR by Google!

But hold everything. Carey was shifted to an unspecified job at Air Force Space Command, which has no responsibility for nuclear weapons but will most likely get the Stuxnet virus because with the International Space Station infected, well we’re all one!

“Carey was fired two days after the sacking of a senior Navy (Vice) admiral (Tim Giardina) who was second-in-command at U.S. Strategic Command, which is the military’s nuclear war-fighting organization.

Their removal came amid a series of disclosures by The Associated Press about security and leadership lapses, training problems, and an assertion by one mid-level nuclear officer that he had found ‘rot’ inside his nuclear missile unit at Minot Air Force Base, N.D.” (Robert Burns, AP)

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Fun side note: Vice Admiral Tim Giardina was removed from duty because of ……… of all things, vice! He was caught by the police using fake porker chips at the Horseshoe Casino in Council Bluffs, Iowa . You have got to admit …. that’s funny!

However because of this ……….. candidates for these positions will now be reviewed for BOTH  physical and mental health issues! (will now be?)

So. With the Stuxnet virus running wild, the Navy admirals and Air Force generals running wild, “rot in the missiles” becomes the allegory for the entire set of events.

Now, all that is left is for Tubularsock to explain the smoke contamination on the Golden Gate Bridge.

You see in any good film somebody gets screwed and in the nuclear afterglow of Stuxnet, admirals, and generals they always light up a cigarette and ask, “was it as good for you as it was for me”?

Well trust Tubularsock on this ………  this affects all of us because we all are contaminated by the same “smoke” and it will be us being screwed AND THAT’S NOT GOOD!

And some of you doubted “American Exceptionalism”!

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DRONE ON IN IRAN

Posted: December 7, 2012 in Drones, Iran
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Drone On In Iran ………. why not?

The Iranians say they have captured one of “our” drones. It’s a ScanEagle which is a slow-moving 5-foot-long craft with a wingspan of about 10 feet.

They say they have material evidence.

Commander Jason Salata, who is a spokesman for the U.S. Navy’s Bahrain-based 5th Fleet, has said that all U.S. drones in the region are “fully accounted for”.

Nice. But what does “fully accounted for” mean exactly?

Well here is an idea. The Commander has checked into the situation of the drones of the 5th Fleet and has discovered that “X” number of drones are on the ships of the 5th Fleet and “X” number of drones are flying around and ONE drone is in the possession of the Revolutionary Guards of Iran.

See. All drones are “fully accounted for” !

Now you see how that works?

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Well Tubularsock could have saved Iran a great deal of trouble.

It is not necessary to shoot down a drone or anything so dramatic.

Next time just go to the Paris Air Show.

There you can pick up a plan and a purchase order. So simple.

Yeah. I guess it’s just not as much fun for you military types.

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