Posts Tagged ‘Keystone XL pipeline’

Capitalism’s Contribution: looting, lying, and acting obscene

© 2017 Dan Stevenson III

the die is cast
the money on the table
some people may die
is it really that bad
just look at the profit
it’s ours ‘cuz we’re able

it’s only good business
it’s just what we do
if they’re in the way
what are we spoze to do
if we don’t take advantage
we’re all going to lose

it’s there for the taking
the law’s on our side
we made it that way
the game being played
it’s really their fault
if they don’t step aside

sure we’ll help their children
we’ll put them in camps
we’ll do what we can
you must understand
it’s best that you see
we have a smart stance

we’ve done this forever
our heritage, you know
it’s way too important
to just let it go
so call in security
to protect what is so

it is our right
our history complete
we don’t mind doing
what has to be done
until the next time
with a butt of a gun

the damage we do
to land, water, and air
is not of concern or
cause for despair
we donate most heavily
for orphan repair

the profit which is
the ultimate treasure
can be used to buy
all in good measure
the next exploitation
to protect this great nation

sure some have to die
for others to live
but really we’ve found
it’s just like it is
not one thing to worry
or even forgive

so stack up that money
and oxygen tanks
so we can survive
as others all die
‘cause we got the talent
when the earth’s out of balance

yet some keep on yelling
it’s too late to correct
but what do they know
with no portfolio
our investment appreciates
the longer we go

it’s called progress you sillies
you don’t even know that
if you don’t risk
you’re just scaredy-cats
so count yourselves in
all the way to the end

so come on no worries
for what we do know
is dow jones is up
we’ve got money to burn
at least just enough
to cover the earth’s very last turn!

 

STOP THE OIL FLOW

 

 

 

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SLIPPERY SLOPE

Now, with The Orange-Tweet as President we’ll all start to understand that scene in the Matrix where Morpheus explains to Neo what had, IN TRUTH, happened to the earth. Let Tubularsock present you with “THE RED PILL”.

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NOW YOU’LL SEE THE TRUTH!

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Well as we all know there is no such thing as climate change and if there were WE have NO IMPACT on our earth.

Earth changes are the EARTH’S FAULT and if not, then at least the Russians!

Now forget about Fukushima. Nuclear Power is CLEAN and yes at the moment Fukushima is still pumping tons and tons of radio active material into the Pacific Ocean but don’t you worry …… it’s a big ocean.

And now that we have CLEAN COAL we can all rest and we’ll have our in coming Orange President promoting it and all the coal miners that voted to bring back their BLACK LUNG disease will have jobs.

And hell, less trees world wide only means more toothpicks and less oxygen over the long haul but you’ll get used to it!

No. Climate change is just the earth telling you to move to another planet, soon. But has nothing to do with we humans and our life style.

It’s all those scientists who have made it all up! JUST HOW COULD WE HUMANS BE DOING IT?

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SERIOUSLY ……. IT REALLY DOESN’T MATTER WHEN YOU’RE DEAD!

THE EARTH WILL BE HERE LONG AFTER YOU ARE ……. SO, WHAT’S OUR RUSH?

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Just Say'en

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OIL: SLIP SLIDING AWAY!

Have you noticed that gas prices are down? Wonder why? Did you also notice in this last election cycle that that wasn’t even mentioned by the Democrats as an indicator of how well the Party’s President was doing? Wonder why?

And the biggest surprise is the gas prices came down EVEN WITHOUT the XL pipeline being approved! So much for that stupid argument which was stupid only because the shit oil being pumped out of Canada is for export only and has NOTHING to do with oil prices within the United States.

So what gives America?

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Now Tubularsock put on his oily rubber boots with the American flag embossed on each boot and stepped right into the middle of the ooze. And here is what was discovered.

Never say Tubularsock is not willing to ooze the extra mile for your knowledge ………

You see in early November Saudi Arabia lowered its oil price per barrel.

Wow. What a nice surprise. And just in time for Christmas too.

You know how those Moslems love Christians.

Now some say that the Saudis did this because by lowering the world oil prices it would fuck up the Assad Government in Syria and put pressure on Iran as well.

And some say that the Saudis are trying to put pressure on North Dakota and it’s shale oil costs. That reasoning goes like this; the cost of extracting shale oil is expensive as opposed to just pumping it out of the ground in the Saudi’s established oil fields.

Driving the oil price down may force some smaller oil shale producers to slow production because they can’t recoup costs when oil on the commodity market hits below $80 a barrel.

And then some say that the Saudis lowered the price of crude to fuck up Putin and the Ukraine mess. Russia helps to balance its budget by selling oil. If the price goes down it puts the pressure on the Russian economy and the U.S. imposed sanctions put a bigger squeeze on the Russians.

Now the Saudis say that their influence is not as powerful as it once was and the world supply and demand has caused this dip in crude oil prices.

So Saudi Arabia dumping oil into the market is to just to get a competitive edge. Hmmm.

Just after Crimea voted to rejoin Russia Obummer happened to just drop in on Riyadh. You know, like gosh I was just in the neighborhood and thought we’d have a meeting.

“Leonid Fedun, a co-owner of the private oil firm Lukoil, cited President Barack Obama’s visit to Riyadh in March. “Obama travelled to meet the king of Saudi Arabia just after the Crimea events to push him to these actions (to lower the oil price),” Fedun, whose firm has large U.S. assets, said last month.” (Reuters)

New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman, wrote last month, “Is it just my imagination or is there a global oil war underway pitting the United States and Saudi Arabia on one side against Russia and Iran on the other?”

Tubularsock wouldn’t be surprised. Of course it must be just another one of those conspiracy theories.

In September U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry made a trip to Saudi Arabia because he was just passing through town. “When asked if his discussions had touched on Russia’s need for oil above $100 to balance its budget, he smiled and said: “They (Saudis) are very, very well aware of their ability to have an impact on global oil prices.”(Reuters)

But for Tubularsock the most logical explanation, the one that seems most reasonable is that Saudi Arabia has DECLARED WAR on North Dakota!

And the question which remains is are we as Americans going to just sit back and let this happen OR do we do what we do best …….. send in HUMANITARIAN TROOPS and bomb and drone and destroy North Dakota in order to save democracy!

The answer is really up to YOU America!

Oh well, there may be another thing for Americans to take a look at. Just maybe the price of gasoline can be manipulated by ahhh ……. somebody.

Usually the price of gas goes up and up and up when there is trouble in the Middle East but since there is no trouble in the Middle East the price of gasoline has gone down.

Funny how that works.

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Now that the dust has cleared ……….

Bull shit. There wasn’t any dust. One of the parties won over another party for control of Congress but the assholes that still go to Congress to recess themselves from doing anything like make decisions about ahh, what in the fuck do they make decisions about anyway? Oh yeah, Thanksgiving and Christmas recess.

But rest assured they’ll be back in force sometime after the first of the new year ……..

They pontificate a lot …….. actually it’s their way of farting. Seriously, Tubularsock is just pointing this out to you so the next time you see Mitch or Harry, John, Rand and Diane open up their mouths to the nightly news cameras think FART. It will make much more sense to you.

It’s their contribution to natural gas. And because it’s on TV you don’t have to smell it!

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Now the real fun has already began. The XL pipeline. A long time ago Tubularsock prophesied that Obummer would pass that damn pipe into existence and here it comes.

Oh sure he could veto it but they will tie the bill in with, oh I don’t know, the money needed to save the Middle East and oh gosh his back will be up against the wall.

Like sure it will be.

And we’ll hear the agony of the pen scratching his signature across the bill and the seven feet left to complete that ecological disaster will be completed.

And that will be the last you’ll hear of it until the first 15 million barrels leak into the waterways of America. And we’ll hear from Congress and a new President how just NO ONE could have thought that this tragedy could have ever happened from a pipe!

You know the drill. Then we will hear how the government will put “the full force” of our National Governmental Disaster Preparedness into action.

Then the complete failure of that idea …………

And then Congress will take it upon themselves to call a committee, oops ……… multiple committees on what went wrong and how we can prevent it happening again until the next time!

You know one of the biggest, saddest things for Tubularsock on September 11, 2001 is that ……. if only a full session of Congress would had been in session and the Shanksville Plane United flight 93 had crashed into the Capitol Building rather than a field in Pennsylvania.

To this day Tubularsock resents the false-flag planners for fucking that up!

Oh well. Tubularsock has been disappointed before.

All we have to get excited about now is 2016 when Hillary and Jeb go toe to toe for the big prize. Hey, it will go to Hillary. That’s the deal already made. You’ll see.

But there will be a dark horse candidate in that race and Tubularsock has the inside information but can’t release it at this time ………..

VOTE TUBE

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From a series of informed sources who are not authorized to speak on this issue but have nothing else to do today in the bloated government bureaucracy has presented an outline of the influence of the new Secretary Of The Inferior on the Obama Administration.*

The Tubularsock News Team has also sent our stealth photographer into the mix and has documented photographic evidence of all the rumor and innuendo.

As we like to say at the Tubularsock News Team break-room, “If a picture is worth a thousand words then this story is worth ten thousand words!”

Rather than be accused of conflict of interest we have turned our investigative journalism over to the tabloid, The New York Toast.

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From the very beginning fear in the Administration was palpable. Could a “commoner” be able to bond with the elite?

Well, our inside sources all concurred that the new Secretary Of The Inferior fit like a hand in a glove.

Lunch

The new Secretary Of The Inferior was asked by the press how he felt to be at the left hand of The President of the United States and he clearly stated, “no, the steak tartare please”.

The more comfortable the Secretary Of The Inferior became the more cautious distrust  appeared within the West Wing. In fact, down right suspiciousness of his intentions were felt and cloaked in plutocratic innuendo.

This type of approach to an obvious “outsider” was lost on the Secretary who felt that they liked him. But he started to isolate himself in the President’s office.

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That suspicious attitude became more prevalent within the President himself.

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However the Secretary Of The Inferior and Michelle became more ……..

Say ………… ahh, shall we say “friendly”?

Not being sure of the Secretary Of The Inferior’s intentions Obama started to take him with him whenever he traveled.

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Plane Wave

And then one day the President and the Secretary Of The Inferior were scheduled to fly to the Asian Conference in Kuala Lumpur.

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Stolen

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Now in any Presidential Administration lots of stuff gets stolen. Paper clips, ball point pens, computers, ground-keeper tools, ballistic missiles, large sums of cash, larger sums of cash, cash of larger sums than that and one’s integrity.

The biggest surprise is that anyone noticed.

Immediately Congress formed two committees, one in the House and one in the Senate. Each committee member and staff took it upon themselves to fly to Kuala Lumpur to see where Air Force One should have landed if it hadn’t been stolen.

It was verified that there was NO, they repeated NO, Air Force One on any golf course in Kuala Lumpur.

Senator John McCain was unable to say, “The terrorist have been part of this Obama Administration for some time and the Ukrainian people need all ….. no, I mean Palestine has to be considered ….. no, I mean  …”

The CIA, NSA, DIA, NGA, NRO, AFISRA, MI, MCIA, ONI, OICI, I&A, CGI, FB/NSB, DEA/ONSI, INR, and the TFI were all called into service but many of them were out of the office so a message was left with their respective receptionists. **

All of these agencies work separately and together to conduct intelligence activities and are under the I.C. which is headed by the DNI, who reports to the President.**

The FBI, DOS, DSS, IRS-CID, TIGTA, USMP, DOD, DCIS, CID, OSI, NCIS, DOJ, ATF, USDI, USDA, DOC, HHS, DHS, USCG, FPS, CGPD, CBP, ICE, USSS, SPS,USCP, USPIS were also all put on the case. **

It appears that the USPIS (United States Postal Inspection Service) may have not been necessary however Senator Diane Feinstein insisted that it was not because her husband was well invested in post offices that the agency must play a role. It was because of “. . . her keen concern to protect every woman and child of this great land”.

As Senator Feinstein did not say, “That plane could have been easily packed up in a pre-postage-paid-priority-mail-express-package and shipped to the Russians for all we know!”

As a result over seventeen million dollars will be allocated to throughly inspect ALL the P.O.Boxes in every post office within the United States.

Representative Robert Fuckoff (R) Ohio demanded that for national security concerns he would pursue drafting a bill to create an inspection team to investigate all “general delivery” windows of every post office in the United States.

During an impromptu stop over at the employee’s break room at Postal Inspection, Inc. Rep. Fuckoff stated, “This twenty-seven million dollar allocation bill will ensure that inspections would be conducted on all “general delivery” locations. What better way is there to protect our citizens from terrorists who want to harm our home-land?” 

When the maimed-stream media asked about the rumor that his family was involved in Postal Inspection, Inc. Representative Fuckoff stated, “Those accusations have been made before!” 

……………………………………………

A Special Blue Ribbon Committee was appointed immediately if not sooner by the President to “investigate the disappearance of Air Force One and The Secretary Of The Inferior” and to report back to him. The President insisted that the Committee’s work would be totally transparent and would be held in secret for national security reasons.

The maimed-stream media didn’t pursue the definition of transparent assuming the President is a Constitutional Scholar and knew the definition better than they.

Congress announced that it will immediately take up the issue of funding the Special Blue Ribbon Committee as soon as they return from their inter-session break and before their fall break. This leaves “. . . a corridor of six full hours” stated Senator DipStick (D) from Louisiana. 

Conspiracy

First there were the sightings.

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(UPI) “They were ALL there”, said Jimmy Insano from DelRio, Texas. “Right out in front of the Dairy Queen! Elvis, bin Laden, Kennedy and the Secretary Of The Inferior!

“I didn’t see no plane or anything like that …… but I didn’t go in the Dairy Queen. Sure, it could have been in there.”

 The heat in DelRio at times reaches 135 degrees in the shade.

(The Sun, UK) “The chances of Air Force One being snatched from the sky by an alien space craft isn’t as far fetched as it may appear” says Jay Jay Johnson. “There have been sightings recently as far away as Denver”, he continued. “Space IS the final frontier, you know, and if and I’m saying IF, The Secretary Of The Inferior had been sent with a message to give to extraterrestrials, then why not?” Jay Jay Johnson concluded.

(New York Times) It was reported today that the Malaysian Government was asked by President Obama to assist in the tracking of the missing Air Force One. Critics say this new development has created perhaps a “hint” that the President isn’t sincere about finding the Secretary Of The Inferior.

President Obama’s new Press Secretary Josh Earnest, stated at todays news briefing that “. . . he was earnest that the President was earnest about the search for Air Force One as well as The Secretary Of The Inferior”.

This confused the White House Press Corp because they thought the President was not Earnest because Josh Earnest was Earnest. And Josh Earnest stated that he was earnest and the President was earnest as well. The White House Press Corp reiterated that Earnest was Earnest and Earnest was not Obama.

After forty-five minutes the Earnest – earnest conundrum was tabled until a later date.

(FOX News) Donald Rumsfeld was asked to comment on the incident and stated: “we know, there are known knowns; there are things that we know that we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don’t know we don’t know.”

And he continued, “The missing Secretary Of The Inferior is the ultimate in unknown unknowns, if you ask me.”

And of course, Dick Cheney was asked for comments on this new international mystery but was unable to make it to the interview because he had “left his heart in San Francisco” and hadn’t noticed until his flight was over Wisconsin. Which at that point had to turn his flight back to the West Coast.

 

 

 

Mystery

 

 

 

footnotes:

* To catch up with The Secretary Of The Inferior refer back to: blog post, NEW EMPLOYMENT, NEW ECONOMY.

** Those are all investigating agencies of the United States Government. Tubularsock doesn’t have time to make that much shit up!

All photographs may look like they have been altered in some way. They have NOT! However they are a different angle from the original photo.

Photography is in the eye of the beholder.

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