Tubularsock

Oh gosh and golly-gee. Tubularsock was sitting in his top floor corner office in his under ground bunker overlooking Washington, D.C from Oakland, CA musing over a couple of articles from the Huffington Post.

Tubularsock can’t really say many good things about the Huffington Post but on a day like today Tubularsock will read anything.

And these articles jumped out and landed on the desk so Tubularsock thought he’d put them into a verbal collage to see just what would happen.

The first article was about how “people” are not happy with Nicki Minaj’s new video.

Wow! Now there’s some “news”!

So Tubularsock put on his Cultural-Investigative-Reporter-Hat and went to work.

Admittedly Tubularsock is a bit out of the loop because Tubularsock didn’t know who Nicki Minaj happened to be. Now how in the fuck did Tubularsock miss this?

Well come to find out Nicki is a rather famous singer. Or Tubularsock thinks that what she does. Her videos are ……… well ah ……. she’s listed under music on YouTube anyway. Or maybe Tubularsock should say she isn’t Guy Lombardo.

Tubularsock likes rap as a form and the beat is hot but the lyrics get a little boring unless they are actually saying something.

Nicki’s lyrics do have a nice rhyme to them but the subject matter is well here’s an example:

“This dude named Michael

used to ride motorcycles

Dick bigger than a tower,

I ain’t talking about Eiffel’s

Real country-ass nigga,

let me play with his rifle

Pussy put his ass to sleep,

now he calling me NyQuil . . .”

Tubularsock can’t wait for NyQuil to pick up Nicki for an advertising contract. Hey! Like it could happen at the Super-Bowl!

Or maybe this “song” Anaconda could end up like one of those wedding song the bride and groom sing to each other after the ceremony. You know they may have to change some names around but the wedding consultant deals with that! Like it could happen!

That was her old video. Her new video is the “song” Only.

And I’ll bet you can not guess what people are “UNHAPPY” about in this new video.

Yep. You guessed it ……………. The Video included Nazi Imagery!

Oh Yeah! Wow, can’t have that now can we ……… I guess it clashes with the lyrics like,

“Yo  I never fucked Wayne never fucked Drake

On my life man fuck sake

If I did I’d Minaj with wid’ him and let ‘em eat my ass

like a cupcake

My man full he just ate. . .”

The social media went off the deep end about the Nazi shit but seemed to miss the lyrics as objectionable. But if Nicki’s life man doesn’t give a shit Tubularsock isn’t going to get work up over it! It did make Tubularsock sit back and wonder about “our” cultural priorities. But on the other-hand Drake rhymes well with sake and cupcake so all’s good.

Tubularsock figures people noticed how close our country is coming into it’s Nazi phase and have become alarmed. Yeah, right! But on the other-hand Nazi phase rhymes with USA so all’s good.

Now Tubularsock realizes that to transition into the second subject will seem like “A Tube Leap Forward” but trust Tubularsock here and we’ll end up in China.

And yes, as difficult as it may appear …….. there is a connection, or at least in Tubularsock’s mind. (scary isn’t it)

You know that Obummer and Putin are party’en down in China at the Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation forum. And hey, they spoke to each other for a good twenty minutes. You know there isn’t a lot to say about economic cooperation when Obummer is pushing economic sanctions against Putin.

HEY GUYS, THAT’S TUBULARSOCK’S iPAD.

But that is the boring part!

No the part of all of this China stuff that Tubularsock wants to bring to your attention is Putin hit’en on Peng Liyuan, China’s First Lady.

(L TO R) Putin, Tubularsock, Xi Jinping, Peng Liyuan.

According to the Washington Times Putin presented Peng Liyuan a bouquet of flowers at a public event! There’s that Putin right out there with the hustle, right?

BUT LATER at the opening dinner for the APEC forum Putin was sitting next to Peng Liyuan and he got up and draped his coat over her shoulders because she was cold.

Or as the Washington Times put it:

With zero hesitation, Putin stood up, grasped his tan coat with both hands and draped it over the Chinese first lady’s delicate shoulders.

It was move that oozed smooth, though skirting dangerously close to flirtatious. (Cue jokes about Russian  aggressions.)

Peng, faced with the awkward prospect of sitting through dinner beside her husband with another man’s coat around her shoulders, handled it quickly.

After five seconds — long enough perhaps to show appreciation for the chivalry, short enough not to call attention to the awkwardness of it all — she stood up, discreetly handed Putin’s coat to an attendant and slipped on another jacket.

Now what struck Tubularsock about all this is that there was a time in our cultural history that a man who gave flowers to a woman or took it upon himself to drape a coat over the shoulders of a friend that was cold was considered to be chivalrous.

So you see how the times have changed and it may be considered “old-fashioned” but it does not mean that Putin was “hit’en” on her!

No hit’en on her in our modern culture today would require that Putin say loving words in her ear like,

This dude named Vlad used to ride motorcycles

Dick bigger than a tower,

I ain’t talking about Eiffel’s

Oh, and Tubularsock suspects he’d have to do that in Chinese:

这家伙名叫弗拉德用来骑摩托车

迪克 · 比塔

我不在谈论埃菲尔的

(Bing translation)

Oh well, Tubularsock is just going to have to get with it and get modern

…….. damn, where are those cupcakes?