Archive for the ‘NSA’ Category

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Now here is something that you won’t believe. Tubularsock has discovered an operative TIME MACHINE. Hey really, it is up and running and YOU haven’t even noticed!

It’s amazing at several levels. First, it’s right in front of you. Second, you don’t have to climb into it. Third, it is operating as Tubularsock writes this information to you.

Fasten your seat belt, expect tubebulence!

It appears to Tubularsock that this new 21st century TIME MACHINE was plugged in a long time ago maybe all the way back to Babbling-Alzheimer-Ridden Reagan but no matter, it is manifesting NOW so that is where we are in TIME MACHINE present moment time!

The United States has become a combination of (perhaps due to cross wiring within the TIME MACHINE)  the end of the Roman Empire combined with the ultimate Fascist State. ( jump back, fucking Hitler!)

The government and the corporation are one and the same, hence: Fascism!

Now, Tubularsock knew there’d be doubters.

Fucking look at the facts …………. everything the United States Government does is TO PROTECT NATIONAL INTERESTS.

Now the American public THINKS that THAT is them but it is not! PROTECT NATIONAL INTERESTS is capitalistic profit and control speak for their profit and their control! That is the reality, period!

The United States Empire Direction is crumbling and this was foretold by putting a BLACK Man in the WHITE House. See the color contrasting problem?

The White Power Structure needed a scapegoat so what better scapegoat than a Black Man. Especially a Black Man who only looks FORWARD! (He’d fucking freak out if that fucker looked back!)

And just like the Roman Empire we have troops and mercenaries throughout the world destabilizing areas so to conquer them as servant-states. (in the old days they were called colonies but we’re past that, we’re modern!)

ALSO our economy and monetary policies are crumbling because we have sunk to a belief that denial is the operative solution.

It is all falling apart as it did for the Romans. Wow, time flies …………

At the same time as the Roman Empire is crumbling (476 C.E.) and the Fascist State is solidifying (1930’s AD) we have a Caliphate forming before our very eyes. We are talking about the 600 BC here!

Wow! This TIME MACHINE is awesome!

No really, tell Tubularsock ……… how often have you seen the fall of the Roman Empire, the rise of the Fascist State and the formation of a Caliphate ALL AT THE SAME TIME?

Which only goes to prove that TIME IS AN ILLUSION.

But this is the 21st Century for Christ sake! Top this:

Add to all of this THE COLD WAR!

Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, THE COLD WAR too!

You get the fall of the Roman Empire …..

You get the rise of the Fascist State …..

You get the formation of a Caliphate …..

AND THE COLD WAR TOO!

ALL FOR ONE LOW PRICE!

A box set just in time for the holiday season!

And if you act now Tubularsock will toss in ***** AT NO EXTRA CHARGE*****

Joe Biden’s new hit single: “FOLLOW YOU TO THE GATES OF HELL”

gates of hell tube biden

SO ACT NOW  ******* ONLY $19.95

CALL NOW 1 800 BUY-TUBE

********************************************

Ok, Tubularsock got a little carried away here. Shows you what happens when the dream of short term profit overcomes long term thinking.

In such a short time period the U.S. came from “saving the world” from the clutches of evil Fascism and destroying Communism to being the ultimate Fascist-Police-State and attempting to bomb-drone-and-torture the world into lockstep-order TO PROTECT OUR NATIONAL INTERESTS.

Well it’s not working. Self interest will win the day and it may be a surprise but other countries in the world have their own self interests too.

It will be fun to see Germany, Russia, and China form an economic bloc. The old day fascists and commies finding their home grown roots against the present day U.S. fascist-police state.

What will the TIME MACHINE  show us next? Just maybe Tubularsock will have figured out the dials and buttons in the TIME MACHINE  by then. Ahh, what adventures await.

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NEW OLD NEWS: Deja vu ?

Well Tubularsock was sitting in his top floor corner office in the underground bunker overlooking Washington, D. C. from Oakland, CA. and it’s Deja vu all over again.

Remember in the Matrix when Neal sees a black cat twice and says, Deja vu ? And everybody freaks because that is a sign that there’s a change in the matrix. Which means that they have been detected while on a mission.

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Or remember the magician who does slight-of-hand right in front of you but he’s able to divert your attention so he can trick you? Time and again, and again and …….

It appears to Tubularsock that all the news around the world is all playing back old programs and attempting to convince us that it’s new.

Now would you people with cable TV with 6,0304 channels put up with reruns of all last years and previous years shows being played over again. (no, hold it ….. Tubularsock knows you would because you already do ……. but there’s more.)

And on top of that sell you the idea that it’s all new programing. And because of that the cable rates are going to go up 50%.

Well, that’s what we got here folks ………….. illusion

Israel is bombing Palestine AGAIN and Palestine is sending these ratty-ass “missiles”

back at Israel. As well as their regular supply of rocks.

Tubularsock thinks it’s time to sell some dependable missiles to Palestine. The crap they are trying to attack Israel with is shit. Who is providing them with weapons? The United States sells weapons to anybody. Why not Palestine? Their money’s good. Right?

Business is business, come on capitalists, where is that “free market” spirit?

And then there’s Tubularsock’s good friends at ISIS. Allah be tazed.

Palestine could hook up with them because now ISIS can provide Palestine with American missiles, trucks, helicopters, tanks, planes, and even 90 lbs. of raw nuclear stuff.

Now don’t worry, the officials who know nuclear stuff say, “There is nothing to be alarmed about a group of highly armed-psychopathic-homicidal-maniacs with a 13 century vision acquiring this raw-nuke-shit.” 

Aren’t we so lucky …….. wow, and for a minute Tubularsock started to worry.

And then all the fucking immigrant children that are flooding our boarders. You know those boarders that we have put fences up, check points, Boarder Patrols those boarders! And Homeland Security hasn’t scanned any of these children upon entry because they aren’t cooperating like terrorist do and come in through airports! Shit!

Now what is that all about?

Why are the immigrant children picking on us? Why don’t they just go back to their dictatorships that the United States set up for them. Ungracious foreigners!

No, what is happening is just regular TV programming. It is more economical for the major maimed-stream-media to re-run old news than to send out reporters to gather new news. Really, you can see that can’t you?

And it is so American! 

The citizens of the United States sit by as the Government and corporate interests take their houses, send their children off to endless wars, renege on their retirement, close down their public libraries, schools, parks and replace them with for profit zones, replace their jobs, break up their unions and spy on each and everyone of them. Yet those citizen just can’t get up from their 60” Plasma televisions and go to the streets to protest any of that.

BUT they can grab their American flags and paint signs and go out into the heat to tell children to go back to where they come from and act like they are taking charge of their empty white-ass lives. FUCKING PATHETIC!

And to top this all off the Kim Kardashian Video Game is “on track to earn $200 million!”

Now Kim’s game is called Kim Kardashian: Hollywood !

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Is that just fucking awesome or what? And the entire point of the game ……. wait for it,

is to get your avatar to recharge itself with enough energy to attend all the photo shoots and club openings necessary to journey from the E-list to the A-list. 

Now isn’t that just what everyone really wants to do with their lives ……….. go from the E-list to the A-list in Hollywood?

Now the game itself is a FREE download so where does Kim get her 45% of the net profits of the $200 million sales?

Well, the game is free but to upgrade your avatar power position so you can get yourself to the Hollywood A-list quicker you have to pony-up nearly $500! AND HERE’S WHERE STUPID COMES IN ……….. thousands of people are willing to do this.

Dumb fucks is too weak of a term to describe these dumb fucks!

And some people always seem to wonder, “How does the government and corporate interests seem to get away with what they do without any negative consequences being imposed on them.”

Deja vu, ASK KIM. 

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Obama Con view

 

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From a series of informed sources who are not authorized to speak on this issue but have nothing else to do today in the bloated government bureaucracy has presented an outline of the influence of the new Secretary Of The Inferior on the Obama Administration.*

The Tubularsock News Team has also sent our stealth photographer into the mix and has documented photographic evidence of all the rumor and innuendo.

As we like to say at the Tubularsock News Team break-room, “If a picture is worth a thousand words then this story is worth ten thousand words!”

Rather than be accused of conflict of interest we have turned our investigative journalism over to the tabloid, The New York Toast.

NY Toast Cover

From the very beginning fear in the Administration was palpable. Could a “commoner” be able to bond with the elite?

Well, our inside sources all concurred that the new Secretary Of The Inferior fit like a hand in a glove.

Lunch

The new Secretary Of The Inferior was asked by the press how he felt to be at the left hand of The President of the United States and he clearly stated, “no, the steak tartare please”.

The more comfortable the Secretary Of The Inferior became the more cautious distrust  appeared within the West Wing. In fact, down right suspiciousness of his intentions were felt and cloaked in plutocratic innuendo.

This type of approach to an obvious “outsider” was lost on the Secretary who felt that they liked him. But he started to isolate himself in the President’s office.

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That suspicious attitude became more prevalent within the President himself.

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However the Secretary Of The Inferior and Michelle became more ……..

Say ………… ahh, shall we say “friendly”?

Not being sure of the Secretary Of The Inferior’s intentions Obama started to take him with him whenever he traveled.

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Plane Wave

And then one day the President and the Secretary Of The Inferior were scheduled to fly to the Asian Conference in Kuala Lumpur.

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Stolen

Obama left

Now in any Presidential Administration lots of stuff gets stolen. Paper clips, ball point pens, computers, ground-keeper tools, ballistic missiles, large sums of cash, larger sums of cash, cash of larger sums than that and one’s integrity.

The biggest surprise is that anyone noticed.

Immediately Congress formed two committees, one in the House and one in the Senate. Each committee member and staff took it upon themselves to fly to Kuala Lumpur to see where Air Force One should have landed if it hadn’t been stolen.

It was verified that there was NO, they repeated NO, Air Force One on any golf course in Kuala Lumpur.

Senator John McCain was unable to say, “The terrorist have been part of this Obama Administration for some time and the Ukrainian people need all ….. no, I mean Palestine has to be considered ….. no, I mean  …”

The CIA, NSA, DIA, NGA, NRO, AFISRA, MI, MCIA, ONI, OICI, I&A, CGI, FB/NSB, DEA/ONSI, INR, and the TFI were all called into service but many of them were out of the office so a message was left with their respective receptionists. **

All of these agencies work separately and together to conduct intelligence activities and are under the I.C. which is headed by the DNI, who reports to the President.**

The FBI, DOS, DSS, IRS-CID, TIGTA, USMP, DOD, DCIS, CID, OSI, NCIS, DOJ, ATF, USDI, USDA, DOC, HHS, DHS, USCG, FPS, CGPD, CBP, ICE, USSS, SPS,USCP, USPIS were also all put on the case. **

It appears that the USPIS (United States Postal Inspection Service) may have not been necessary however Senator Diane Feinstein insisted that it was not because her husband was well invested in post offices that the agency must play a role. It was because of “. . . her keen concern to protect every woman and child of this great land”.

As Senator Feinstein did not say, “That plane could have been easily packed up in a pre-postage-paid-priority-mail-express-package and shipped to the Russians for all we know!”

As a result over seventeen million dollars will be allocated to throughly inspect ALL the P.O.Boxes in every post office within the United States.

Representative Robert Fuckoff (R) Ohio demanded that for national security concerns he would pursue drafting a bill to create an inspection team to investigate all “general delivery” windows of every post office in the United States.

During an impromptu stop over at the employee’s break room at Postal Inspection, Inc. Rep. Fuckoff stated, “This twenty-seven million dollar allocation bill will ensure that inspections would be conducted on all “general delivery” locations. What better way is there to protect our citizens from terrorists who want to harm our home-land?” 

When the maimed-stream media asked about the rumor that his family was involved in Postal Inspection, Inc. Representative Fuckoff stated, “Those accusations have been made before!” 

……………………………………………

A Special Blue Ribbon Committee was appointed immediately if not sooner by the President to “investigate the disappearance of Air Force One and The Secretary Of The Inferior” and to report back to him. The President insisted that the Committee’s work would be totally transparent and would be held in secret for national security reasons.

The maimed-stream media didn’t pursue the definition of transparent assuming the President is a Constitutional Scholar and knew the definition better than they.

Congress announced that it will immediately take up the issue of funding the Special Blue Ribbon Committee as soon as they return from their inter-session break and before their fall break. This leaves “. . . a corridor of six full hours” stated Senator DipStick (D) from Louisiana. 

Conspiracy

First there were the sightings.

DairyQueed gang

(UPI) “They were ALL there”, said Jimmy Insano from DelRio, Texas. “Right out in front of the Dairy Queen! Elvis, bin Laden, Kennedy and the Secretary Of The Inferior!

“I didn’t see no plane or anything like that …… but I didn’t go in the Dairy Queen. Sure, it could have been in there.”

 The heat in DelRio at times reaches 135 degrees in the shade.

(The Sun, UK) “The chances of Air Force One being snatched from the sky by an alien space craft isn’t as far fetched as it may appear” says Jay Jay Johnson. “There have been sightings recently as far away as Denver”, he continued. “Space IS the final frontier, you know, and if and I’m saying IF, The Secretary Of The Inferior had been sent with a message to give to extraterrestrials, then why not?” Jay Jay Johnson concluded.

(New York Times) It was reported today that the Malaysian Government was asked by President Obama to assist in the tracking of the missing Air Force One. Critics say this new development has created perhaps a “hint” that the President isn’t sincere about finding the Secretary Of The Inferior.

President Obama’s new Press Secretary Josh Earnest, stated at todays news briefing that “. . . he was earnest that the President was earnest about the search for Air Force One as well as The Secretary Of The Inferior”.

This confused the White House Press Corp because they thought the President was not Earnest because Josh Earnest was Earnest. And Josh Earnest stated that he was earnest and the President was earnest as well. The White House Press Corp reiterated that Earnest was Earnest and Earnest was not Obama.

After forty-five minutes the Earnest – earnest conundrum was tabled until a later date.

(FOX News) Donald Rumsfeld was asked to comment on the incident and stated: “we know, there are known knowns; there are things that we know that we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns, the ones we don’t know we don’t know.”

And he continued, “The missing Secretary Of The Inferior is the ultimate in unknown unknowns, if you ask me.”

And of course, Dick Cheney was asked for comments on this new international mystery but was unable to make it to the interview because he had “left his heart in San Francisco” and hadn’t noticed until his flight was over Wisconsin. Which at that point had to turn his flight back to the West Coast.

 

 

 

Mystery

 

 

 

footnotes:

* To catch up with The Secretary Of The Inferior refer back to: blog post, NEW EMPLOYMENT, NEW ECONOMY.

** Those are all investigating agencies of the United States Government. Tubularsock doesn’t have time to make that much shit up!

All photographs may look like they have been altered in some way. They have NOT! However they are a different angle from the original photo.

Photography is in the eye of the beholder.

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Funny how things work out sometimes. Tubularsock was just sitting minding his own business as he tends to do on Mondays. And Tubularsock got to thinking about his old friend Vlad and what he was up to, so Tubularsock called him on his Bunker-Secure-Phone.

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Now the BSP is a low tech NSA proof phone that connects to Vlad’s house, or palace or whatever. He’s got 20 Palaces he can spend time in as well as 58 aircraft at his disposal. Oh yeah, and then there is that £47,000 toilet but who counts. After all the guy is worth $70 Billion according to those who say they know. 

Anyway Vlad and Tube were commiserating over all the shit Obummer is laying down against Vlad’s friends with all those economic sanctions. Obummer announced the new asset freezes and visa bans against rich or politically connected members of Putin’s inner circle. Seventeen Russian companies and seven of Vlad’s associates.

Wow, what a sore looser Obummer happens to be. After all his net worth is a pauper sum of $12.2 Million. Hardly enough for a cup of coffee in today’s market place.

But, wait a minute, Obummer stated that, “The goal here is not to go after Mr. Putin, personally. The goal is to change his calculus with how the current actions he’s engaging in in Ukraine could have an adverse impact on the Russian economy.”

Oh gosh. Could these sanctions against Russia possibly have an impact on OUR economy?

Or Europe?

Well, damn straight!

That is why these sanctions don’t apply to Gazprom. Gazprom is a major Russian energy consortium and provides natural gas to Ukraine and much of Europe. The question becomes will Europeans be willing to pay twice the price for natural gas this winter in order to allow the United States to attempt to pressure Russia and be the big boy on the block?

That is why the U.S. has left Gazprom alone for now but if and when Obummer attempts to up the ante with sanctions against Gazprom that is when China and others will be happy to take as much of that natural gas that Russia can supply.

And if and when this showdown occurs Russia is already planning how to survive economic sanctions: how to sell its goods in rubles. People will buy because Russia is too big of a producer to ignore.

And China and Russia could easily form a real non-dollar bloc dealing in Yuan or rubles and this will affect the worlds economies. No longer will the dollar hold as significant of a position.

Now Tubularsock has trouble balancing his own Bunker-Check-Book so there is no pretense that Tubularsock is the last word on explaining the world’s economic issues but when Tube figured Vlad may need a short-term loan we penned an agreement.

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To be sure, Tubularsock’s bunker will be warm this winter ……. it pays to think ahead!

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WADER’S CONFERENCE 2014

Many don’t realize just how influential Tubularsock actually happens to be in Washington, D.C.

At the current Wader’s Conference 2014 at the White House Tubularsock was lecturing the First Lady Michelle Obama on just how her current husband, the President of the United States has completely lost the ability to recognize BULL SHIT. Both his own which he is obliviously stepping in all the time and that of the Director of the NSA, General Keith Alexander and the that of the Director of National Intelligence, James Clapper.

 As both Alexander’s and Clapper’s wives have been reported as saying, as reported by a staff member who was not authorized to speak on bull shit, “Our husbands spit out more BULL SHIT from their mouths on any given day than a bull with diarrhea.”

Wow. Now just how can Tubularsock get such information from their wives ….. hey just trust Tube! I only collect Metadata. No really!

So President Obama still insists that NASA’s collecting every phone call, email, tweet, and everything else on every America is only done to protect us all from the massive terrorist threat that is US!

And this information collected will ONLY be used to stop the terrorist except for the twelve known incidents called LOVEINT a flippant term used to describe NSA analysts who misused their surveillance powers to spy on romantic interests instead of terrorists.

 But hey, NSA is only collecting metadata right?

Well some NSA analysts were busy focusing on a little more than meta! One analyst was spying on nine women over five years, a woman analyst was spying on prospective boyfriends, another analyst was checking on whether his girlfriend was “involved with any government officials”, and another woman analyst was spying on her husband to see if he was cheating on her. Do you get the picture? Tubularsock just doesn’t have time to make this shit up!

Metadata my ass!

A favorite photo Tubularsock took as he and Michelle and the President landed in the Rose Garden this weekend.

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THE LIE IN THE “TRUTH”: OBOMBER ON SYRIA

You know, Tubularsock wasn’t going to bother listening to Obomber’s speech Tuesday night because when it comes to Black Jive I prefer public transportation.

But I found myself tuning in to NPR radio for coverage because I am interested in Presidential-Spin no matter what party is running it. And I wasn’t disappointed.

Two things:

  1. The next time Congress wants to cut NPR’s governmental funding ……. I vote YES!

The commentators are in the BIG SLEEP and are piss poor at political coverage with any insight ………. they are very good at status quo! Depressing. Are they affiliated with FOX NEWS now? I guess it is no surprise, Tubularsock wants to go to the White House Press Corps Dinner too! Gosh, with a black tie and a suit prancing around! Could it get any better than that as a “journalist”?

       2.  There was not ONE, count them ………. NOT ONE point of PROOF that the Assad Government was the one that used Chemical Weapons. Not even a little one. No, Obomber assumed that Assad was guilty without a shred of evidence provided and NO ONE QUESTIONED HIS PREMISE. Even those that were against the action accepted the premise. Disgusting!

Yes, and children frothing at the mouth and the EXCEPTIONALISM of Americans with the ol’ God Bless America conclusion and Tubularsock almost got out his flag to wave next 4th of July with bombs bursting in air.

But the only way that Tubularsock can express this fallacious argument that Obomber is pushing is by this example and maybe those who themselves are in the deep sleep will get just a glimmer of understanding of the Obomber Logic of lie-in-the-”truth”. And perhaps better understand how this entire position was created. So Tubularsock will attempt this Herculean feat with a little allegory.

THE STORY: (all names have been changed to protect the innocent)

Let’s say that Barbrick Insomnia started to have suspicions that Michshella (his wife) was cheating on him. So he asks John Fury to follow Michshella and substantiates what Barbrick KNOWS is happening.

 

John Fury follows Michshella and she goes to MAIN STREET. Nothing seems to be out of the ordinary and he reports back to Barbrick.

 

Barbrick Insomnia KNOWS that John Fury must be incorrect and tells him to check again. And follow up on this sighting of Michshella on MAIN STREET.

 

Barbrick then calls his good friend at the N_A (redacted) General Fumbleson and asks him to checkout MAIN STREET and report back to him.

 

Within minutes of Barbrick’s call to General Fumbleson of the N_A (redacted) and not just minutes AFTER Barbrick hung up the phone BUT just minutes BEFORE he dialed the phone the N_A (redacted) knew the nature of the incoming call and had prepared a full dossier on MAIN STREET.

 

John Fury returns to Barbrick’s office and reports that once again Michshella was seen on MAIN STREET and there was nothing out of the ordinary that occurred.

 

Barbrick was so furious that John Fury was taken aback.

 

The phone rings, not the RED phone but the RED, WHITE, and BLUE phone, and Barbrick knew that the N_A (redacted) was calling with the “known-knowns”!

Note: This following information was given to Tubularsock by a “highly placed government official in the Administration, who is just Biden his time, and is not authorized to speak to the press on this issue.

General Fumbleson from the N_A (redacted) reported that “a foreign person of interest” by the name of ISSAID was on MAIN STREET exactly the same time that Michshella was on MAIN STREET.

 

It was further disclosed that even though ISSAID was on EAST MAIN STREET and Michshella was on WEST MAIN STREET the link of MAIN STREET indicates that all the signs are present that Michshella and ISSAID were having an affair.

 

Barbrick was convinced but John Fury felt that as an adviser he must ask at least one probing question. Which was, “Is there concrete proof? Proof beyond a shadow of a doubt?”

 

General Fumbleson of the N_A (redacted), now on encrypted speaker phone answered,

“Ghrgte fbfgru gkdjdhey nbh jghdtsiwoy kgghff fhdjur!”

Note: Tubularsock has gotten from a well placed N_A (redacted) official that is not authorized to speak to the press on this issue but can verify that this top secret speaker phone encrypted answer is totally the proof needed and can not be told to the public in order to protect them. A relief, for Tubularsock to be told the TRUTH.

Barbrick and John both nodded their collective heads in the affirmative.

 

Both men agreed that action at this time may not be optimum politically due to the fact that it may look bad for Barbrick Insomnia to expose Michshella while she was in the middle of the Saving-American-Children-From-Being-Fat Campaign.

 

“In due time”, Barbrick said aloud as he lit his cigarette. “In due time”, echoed John Fury.

TO BE CONTINUED ………..

So remember: There was not ONE point of PROOF that the Assad Government was the one that used Chemical Weapons. Not even a little one.  Obomber ASSUMED that Assad was guilty without a shred of evidence provided and NO ONE QUESTIONED HIS PREMISE.

A premise without facts to prove it correct is called A GUESS. And to push A GUESS as the truth is a LIE. How many people do you feel should die for a lie?

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Well Tubularsock was just wrapping up his thoughts for another freedom loving night in the United States of America.

So, I ran through my YouTube review because it’s easy.

All the video about cats were all in order.

Sports all cool.

Big tits were exposed as ever.

Monster Trucks running over shit, check!

Then Tubularsock thought he’d check on Syria.

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WOW! I GUESS IT MUST NOT BE IMPORTANT.

In the land of the free and the home of the brave we have freedom of thought! Unlike those Russians and those Chinese. American’s have freedom of the press.

Just Say'en

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